Pilot Review: Life

Life
NBC. Wednesdays at 10.
Cast: Damien Lewis, Sarah Shahi, Adam Arkin, Robin Weigert

Huh. Life has shown me something. Namely, what it has shown me is that you can take an interesting twist to the cop show genre, namely about a Cop who was wrongly incarcerated and now has knowledge of both sides of the law, and make it as hokey, by the books, and dull as a normal procedural, if not more. And the reason I say “if not more” is because it has all of the clunky things that can bog down a procedural as well as the all-too-common “vast conspiracy that the main character must break” plot points, which are just as clunky as the bad procedural elements.

But if it were just another police procedural, I wouldn’t have so many problems with it. I like the police procedural subgenre. When it’s done well on a show like CSI, I’m a big fan. But Life is trying to be more than just that, and that’s where I have the most problems with it.

But, it’s not just that it tries to be more than it is. It’s also got one of the worst lead characters and/or actors that I’ve seen in a while. The reason that I say and/or is because I’m not sure how much of the bad is Damien Lewis’ fault and how much of the bad is the scripts fault. Is Charlie (Lewis) supposed to come off like a creepy serial killer? Aren’t we supposed to believe that he’s a good guy, not someone who could concievably kidnap you, lock you in a truck, and then keep you chained up in their basement for three years? I don’t know if it’s Lewis’ creepy presence or the characters creepy, well, characteristics, but either way, it seriously doesn’t work and makes watching him unpleasant.

The only real bright spot on the show is Sarah Shahi, playing Charlie’s new partner with a questionable backstory. The character itself is not that good. She’s an archetype of the “cop who had a problem but now has dealt with it but it still haunts her.” She’s not written in a particularly flattering way, but Shahi manages to bring enough charm and substance to the character that by the end of the pilot I was really hoping that Charlie wasn’t going to tie her up in his basement. So yeah, kudos to Shahi. Also, while I can’t comment on the actor, the backstory for Arkin’s character, a former CEO who dabbled in investor trading and now manages Charlie’s money for him, is kind of clever in a certain way. But yeah, that’s about it.

So, in closing, Life is a by-the-multiple-badly-written-books cop show that tries to be more than it is and fails. The main character may or may not kill you in a dark alley, and if I learned anything from the pilot, it’s that corrections officers love harassing convicts, but that’s a lesson that I already learned from Prison Break, which, conveniently, handles it’s mass conspiracy storyline a lot better than Life. So, yup, the rating:

Rating: Not Worth Your Time

Welcome Back: Fall TV, and tonight, Prison Break

Tonight sees the first two premieres of the new season (I’m still not acknowledging your existence The Biggest Loser), Prison Break and K-Ville. I’m not particularly fond of K-Ville, as can be seen in my review, but I was a fan of the first two good, albeit uneven seasons of Prison Break.

The premise itself is good, about a man who is slowly breaking out of jail, and the producers built a great first season around the concept. Season two, about them being on the run after breaking out, introduced a great antagonist in Agent Mahone (William Fichtner), but also had quite a bit of foolishness before getting down to it’s conclusion. It was a far weaker season than the first. But, I have faith in season 3, because it’s back to the whole breaking out of prison shtick. Which they did really well.

I haven’t exactly been hearing good words about the first two episodes of season three, but I’ll be tuning in nevertheless, even if I’ll be watching it weeks after it airs. Unless it really stinks this season, in which case I won’t be. There’s a lot of other television to watch, so don’t let me down Prison Break. I’m losing enough faith in FOX as it is…

I'm Calling You Out: The Emmys. Quit Sucking So Much...

Listen Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, we’ve gotta have a serious talk. Because watching this year's Emmys, I am seriously worried for you. Yes, you picked some fresh faces like America Ferrara of Ugly Betty instead of somehow giving her award to Kelsey Grammar. And yes, I was pleasantly surprised by certain wins like my favorite comedy of last year being your favorite as well, 30 Rock (I know I said Slap Bet from How I Met Your Mother was my favorite episode, but 30 Rock’s entire first season was great). But seriously, we’ve got some major things to talk about.

Number 1: How many of your voting members actually watch new television shows or shows that aren’t necessarily on the Big 4 networks nowadays? How many of them get channels like HBO and Showtime? Because, watching the telecast, it was really apparent that you guys missed out on a whole lot of good TV last year. Many people are saying that The Wire’s fourth season was one of the best seasons of television any show has had ever. It got zero nominations. Lots of people said that Friday Night Lights freshman season was the best first season they can remember. It got casting and directing nominations. Veronica Mars didn’t have its best season ever, but it still turned in a solidly great show. I guess you never saw it. Dexter over on Showtime boasted a morally ambiguous character (which you guys usually love) and great performances and writing. Well, at least it got an Emmy for it’s awesome main title design, but it didn’t even make the main telecast. So, seriously, I think every viewer should be forced to watch at least one episode of every show that’s eligible for nominations. I don’t care if you guys only want to watch repeats of The West Wing, you kind of have to keep up with current television that’s off the beaten path.

Number 2: The Sopranos. Where to begin with your treatment of this show? Firstly, you bring the entire cast and crew on stage in the middle of the broadcast for a standing ovation. That’s nice of you guys, honoring them for what an impact their show has had on television. Too bad that didn’t translate into actual wins. Seriously, you guys could only honor it with writing, directing, and best series? You thought James Spader deserved best actor more than James Gandolfini? Or that Terry O’Quinn deserved it more than Michael Imperioli? Or that Sally Field deserved it more than Edie Falco? Or that Katherine Heigl deserved it more than both Aida Tuturro and Lorraine Bracco? I’m sorry, as much as the four winners put in good performances this year, their statues belong to our favorite Jersey mobsters, drug addicts, mobster’s wives, mobster’s sisters, and mobster’s therapists.

Number 3: Learn to budget your freaking time better. Remember last year when you stuck Bob Newhart in a tank with three hours worth of oxygen? And if the broadcast ran over, Newhart would die? Well, let’s try doing that every year. Or cut out the freaking filler. Did we really need a ten-minute performance of Frankie Valli songs by the cast of Jersey Boys in order to honor The Sopranos? No, we didn’t. Did Ray Romano need to do a 5-minute bit about how it’s been two years since Everybody Loves Raymond finally, mercifully went off the air? No, he didn’t. Was I forced to endure all of this? Yes, yes I was.

Number 4: Just because a show is well rated, doesn’t mean it’s good. Seriously, you guys think Two and a Half Men is one of the five funniest shows on TV? I can name you ten funny un-nominated comedies that should have had its spot. At least you guys didn’t nominate every Desperate Housewife like you did last year. But seriously, look for the undiscovered gems and do a service to the TV watchers of America by highlighting them. You know how much a show like Friday Night Lights could get noticed if you had rightfully nominated it? A lot. But no, instead you give what was far and away the worst season of 24 another nomination. And there was a season where a character got caught in a bear trap.

So yeah, Emmys. Get your act together. Quit drooling over everything David E. Kelley touches. Quit giving a token win to one fresh-faced newcomer. Look beyond the Neilsen top 20 for your nominees. And respect greatness. Maybe your ratings will stop plummeting if you do so. Just a thought.

And my favorite is....

With the first real season premiere coming with Monday’s premiere of Prison Break (Sorry The Biggest Loser, you don’t really count), I find myself thinking about last season. It was, arguably, a decent season of television. Sure, you had some definite stinkers, like The Class, Vanished, Runaway, Help Me Help You, Standoff, 20 Good Years, Six Degrees, and Happy Hour, but last season brought some pretty darn good new shows, like Heroes, Ugly Betty, 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights, Brothers and Sisters, and the dearly departed Studio 60. But this post is not about what shows I thought were good and bad last season. No, the real post is because I was trying to figure out what I thought the single best episode of television was last season. And I think I’ve figured it out.

There were a bunch of strong contenders. In the drama category, “Company Man” from Heroes is a standout, as well as the magnificent 3 parter “K & R" from Studio 60. There was the marvelous “Pilot” to Friday Night Lights, and, even though they only recently aired here in the states, the ridiculously good “Human Nature/Family of Blood” two-parter from Doctor Who. But, while all amazing episodes, none of them are my pick. Yes, my pick, comes from a comedy. Nope, it’s neither the absolutely hilarious “The Rural Juror” nor the equally hilarious “Black Tie” from 30 Rock. Nor is it the amazing season opener of The Office, “Gay Witch Hunt”. As much as I loved the Scrubs musical, it’s not “My Musical” either. Nope, my single favorite episode of last season comes from, of all places, a traditional four-camera sitcom. That’s right, How I Met Your Mother’s “Slap Bet”, you’re my favorite.

Wanna know why? Because you not only showed me that a traditional sitcom can still make me laugh, but because you actually had me laughing for the entire episode. That’s right, there is not a single moment in this episode that lags. The episode deals with something completely innocuous, one character not wanting to go to a mall, and builds it into this comedic gold. So Robin, the female lead, refuses to go to a mall, which makes everyone question why she’s keeping it such a secret. And thus, the slap bet ensues. One side believes that she was married in a mall in Canada; the other thinks she did porn in Canada. But the secret is so much better than that. I’m not even considering these spoilers, because it’s still just as funny if you know what’s going on. See, Robin used to be Robin Sparkles, a teenage one hit wonder who’s single “Let’s Go To The Mall” became a hit in Canada, forcing her to tour across the malls of Canada, making her live for a year on “Orange Julius and Wetzel’s Pretzels”. But not only do we get the ridiculous title for the song, we get the music video. And it’s oh so glorious.



How can you find a song with lines like “He’s got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard.”, “It’ll be just him and me but don’t forget the robot”, and, my personal favorite “I’m gonna rock your body till Canada day.” not funny? But not only is the video hilarious, the rest of the episode is. Even the throwaway lines are great, plus, it’s spawned a great running joke on the show as to when the slap bet will be collected.

So yeah, call me an idiot if you like, but I think this was the single best episode of primetime television last year. Do you agree, or do you have your own favorites? Feel free to comment.

Pilot Review: Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl
The CW. Wednesdays at 9.
Cast: Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Penn Badgley, Chace Crawford, Taylor Momsen, Ed Westwick, Kelly Rutherford, Matthew Settle, Nicole Fiscella, Nan Zhang, and the voice of my beloved Kristen Bell.

This review of Gossip Girl is gonna be a bit different than my other pilot reviews. Because I’m going to start this one with a rant, and then make some predictions, and then review the show.

So, the rant. This show really pisses me off. Because I went to one of the Upper East Side private prep schools, The Dalton School. And this show really tries to paint these schools as these bastions of elitist, too much money for their own good, no responsibility kids. Watching this show is like watching a New York magazine article about my school. That sentence doesn’t quite make sense? Let me explain. Every year or so, New York magazine would do a story about my high school and highlight one or two kids who go there and make it seem like no one at my school gave a damn about their futures and were just bad human beings. THIS IS SO FREAKING WRONG. And I feel like Gossip Girl is trying to portray the same message. That everyone who goes to one of these schools is a spoiled brat who does things like go to swanky hotel bars on weeknights downing martinis with their frenemies (I can’t believe I just typed that word). That is bullshit. Yes, in my class there were people who probably had more money than they ever should. And yes, there were people who partied in fancy dresses every weekend. But two things, that group was a severe minority and they didn’t do it in the way Gossip Girl says they do. They didn’t dress up in tuxes and six thousand dollar dresses and rent out clubs every Saturday night. The only time something like that happened is on special nights like homecoming or winter formal. So yeah, I’m calling bullshit on you Gossip Girl, because you’re just pretty wrong about most of this stuff. And I get that it’s fiction and is intended to be scandalous and juicy, but for the most part, we’re normal kids.

Okay, rant done. Now, on to some predictions:
1) Gossip Girl is going to be called “The New OC” and rightly so, because it will be wildly popular the first year, and then degrade with each successive year until it’s cancelled somewhere around season four.
2) More than half of teenage girls will have a major crush on Penn Badgley.
3) More than half of teenage guys will have a major thing for Blake Lively.
4) Gossip Girl (along with Reaper) will make the CW a Big 5 network.

So, time for the review. Gossip Girl, as much as it’s factually incorrect and aggravating, has some very good things working for it. But the reason those things may stand out as very good is because it also has some very bad things working for it. I figure it’s always better to start with the good, so I’m gonna start by saying that about half this cast is pitch perfect. You remember about 10 lines up where I was saying that teenager girls would fall in love with Penn Badgley? Well, that’s because he does a great Seth Cohen impersonation, and really, that’s what his role needs. He’s fun to watch and he has great chemistry with Blake Lively, who I really hope can use this to become a star. She’s great as Serena, the former party girl who mysteriously left (which, in my high school always meant rehab, but not here) and who’s return as a new found mostly good girl sets off the show’s events. She fits her role better than anyone else on the show. The other real standout here is Leighton Meester, who is great as Blair, Serena’s former best friend and current enemy. She hits every bitchy note right, but she also hits all of Blair’s vulnerable notes perfectly as well. Taylor Momsen is good too, but of the visible actors, those three are the real standouts. And I say visible actors, because I’m gonna talk about Kristen Bell’s narration as Gossip Girl, the blogger and our secret informer as to what’s going down. Now, I loved Bell in Veronica Mars, but if you read this blog, you most likely already know that I loved everything about that show. She sounds perfect relaying the slightly acidic banter of her blog, but this was expected as she proved herself more than able with Veronica’s witty and tart banter. Also, the show is a lot better shot than one would expect for a show aimed at teens. The particular moment that comes to mind is a ridiculously good tri-cut montage between three different sexually related scenes. It played each scene beautifully off one another. Plus, they succeed really well at making all the beautiful young people look, well, beautiful. Good job Gossip Girl.

But the bad is, well, pretty bad too. Remember how I was saying that about half the cast rocks? Well, the other half is pretty close to atrocious. Chace Crawford has all the screen presence of a rotting onion, and the charisma of one as well. He actually sucks the life out of the scenes he’s in. It’s kind of astonishing. Ed Westwick, well, he’s similar only that his onion isn’t rotting. He’s such a broad and bad caricature of the Oliver character from season one of The OC that I wonder why they didn’t just cast the same actor and say the character moved from sunny California to the Upper East Side. Also, remember when The OC first came on and people lauded it for making the parents just as fully realized as the kids? Well, apparently that was a fluke for Josh Schwartz, seeing as how the parents here do little more than act either controlling, bitchy, or wanna be hip. Or some combination. Their interactions with their respective kids are just so bad that I was wondering if we could move these young people to Kid Nation over on CBS. Also, well, the whole rant kind of goes here as well. Plus, the show doesn’t really get the whole notion of subtlety. I honestly think that the show originally was going to have a banner plan flying in the back of every scene saying, “The parents control their kids lives! They don’t really have a choice about their futures! Pity them!” but they thought that it might be distracting. Even without it though it feels like they are hitting the viewers over the head with the message. It’s so ridiculously blatant that I found myself wanting to just tell the kids to exercise some goddamn free will.

So yeah, I’ve got some major problems with Gossip Girl. But this show was made to become a pop culture phenomenon, so I can’t really blame it for pandering to it’s teenage audience and making itself seem so grandiose and overblown. Which is why, despite the rant, this gets

Rating: I’ll Give It Another Shot

It’s not definitely worth another viewing, but I’m willing to give it a few episodes to see if it grows on me.

PS: For US readers, the pilot is available as a free download on iTunes.

Pilot Review: Journeyman

Journeyman
NBC. Mondays at 10
Cast: Kevin McKidd, Moon Bloodgood, Brian Howe, Gretchen Egolf, Reed Diamond

I must say that Journeyman perplexes me. I may even be flummoxed by it. Because, you see, for the first, oh, 35 minutes or so, I was completely and totally lost. I mean, the first three quarters of this pilot are ridiculously confusing. Almost as confusing as how Cavemen got picked up for a season. But suddenly, when those final 10 minutes came on, well, I think everything kind of kicked into place. And suddenly, I thought, “Well, what do you know? This show’s actually pretty good.”

And it is. The show has a whole bunch of good working for it. First off, it’s premise, that a man jumps back and forth in time trying to manage his own life and avert catastrophes in others’ lives is nifty. I mean, I understand this is basically a variation on the idea of Quantum Leap, but I still like it. Secondly, you have the pretty awesome Kevin McKidd as your lead. I loved Rome and think it’s entirely too bad that it was cancelled after two seasons, because I could have watched many more of the exploits of Lucius Vorenus, Titus Pullo, Atia, et al. McKidd rocked on that show, especially with his turn from the good guy in season one to his absolutely awesome Son of Hades psycho in season two. And he’s pretty good here too, despite me really wishing he kept his British accent, since his American one sounds a bit off. The rest of the cast seems alright as well, but this really is McKidd’s show and he rocks. Thirdly, you have those last 10 minutes where everything comes together, and those ten minutes are pretty freaking good, because that’s when McKidd takes full grasp of what he’s doing and why he’s time jumping.

That’s not to say that this isn’t a flawed show, it most certainly is. Remember those first 35 minutes I was talking about where I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on? Well, there’s a good chance that Journeyman is gonna hemorrhage viewers during that time. Because, frankly, I was getting pretty fed up with the show and was hoping that they’d get around to explaining what the hell was going on. But the biggest problem the show has (and I guess this is tied into those first 35 minutes being bad) is the whole storyline (or lack thereof) between Dan (McKidd) and Livia (Bloodgood). We get little teases and hints as to their past, but we’re never told exactly what the case was with them, and it’s a little infuriating, especially when SPOILER ALERT she randomly pops up and may be a time jumper as well, even though we’ve been told that she’s dead, but now maybe she’s not. That whole storyline is confusing and I think confused as to what the hell its supposed to be. I mean, are we supposed to want Dan and Livia to get back together (they used to be). Doesn’t that kind of conflict with the whole Dan is trying to save his marriage and family even though he’s time jumping storyline? Lastly, I get that NBC is trying to turn their Monday night into Sci-fi ish shows (With the combo of Chuck, Heroes, and this), but man, this show seems mismatched with those two. In fact, I think all three shows are mismatched with one another. I guess this kind of works with Heroes, but this and Chuck don’t really get along. There’s a whole lot that needs to be sorted out before this show can really hit it’s full potential evidenced in those last ten minutes. Man, those ten minutes were good. I mean, not like really good, but good enough that this show, despite being utterly confusing for a majority, gets the rating

Rating: Definitely Worth Another Viewing

PS: Moon Bloodgood’s name is freakin’ awesome.

I Don't Love "Tell Me You Love Me"

Last Sunday brought the premiere of HBO’s newest attempt to find a tentpole show Tell Me You Love Me. And, having watched the first episode, I’m pretty sure I can tell HBO to keep looking. “Tell Me” is, well, not really lovable. At least, not in it’s first episode it isn’t. From the first hour, none of the characters really stand out as people worth investing 12 hours of my life watching. I feel like the story between Tim Dekay and Ally Walker, of the couple who is slowly falling out of love, is the same storyline that’s been handled in many other, better, movies and television shows. A recent example of a much better handling, in my opinion (although, really, everything on this whole blog is my opinion, so that should go without saying), is Knocked Up, where the Pete and Debbie story line of a very similar nature was not only more appealing to watch, but also more interesting for the way it paralleled the other storyline in the movie. The Luke Kirby and Michelle Borth story line is not really gripping me at all either, mainly because both these people seem to be the type that I would never want to listen to or be around in real life. He comes across like a jackass and she comes across as annoying. I mean, maybe I was just misinterpreting their characters and their storyline dynamic, but I just found nothing appealing about either character or their relationship. The storyline between Jane Alexander and David Selby was so marginalized that I don’t really give a darn whether they’re happy or not. The only storyline that was mildly interesting was the relationship between Adam Scott and Sonya Walger, whose inability to conceive is amplifying some possibly previously existing problems. Their scenes come across as the most interesting, because there appears to be an extra layer of complexity to their relationship that doesn’t seem to be there with the others, meaning that on top of their commonplace in pop culture problem, there may be an added twist to it. I hope that sentence made sense.

But really, a discussion of this show can’t occur without discussing the rampant, graphic sex scenes of the show. This is certainly one of the more interesting facets to the show (I mean that in a completely nonperverted way), but it still feels as if the show almost has two sides, like Dr. Relationship Drama and Mr. Porn. I mean, I get that the show is supposed to be an unflinching look at these couples in different stages of relationship discontent, but does unflinching really have to go as far as creator Cynthia Mort takes it? I understand that we’re supposed to get a no-holds-barred look at their relationships, but it seems almost like gratuitous nudity for nudity’s sake. I understand the use of the sex scenes, and I actually think the way that they are placed and handled thematically is quite good, but it feel like Mort wanted to showcase their bodies more than their problems. For example, when Kirby and Borth are having sex, we get frequent shots of her riding him with his balls clearly visible. There’s no need for this detail, but Mort shoots it this way nonetheless. Another example is the completely pointless shot of Walker walking to her side of the bed with her shirt open (See, I’m complaining about both genders here, so don’t accuse me of sexism). Also of note and pointless (and potentially scarring), is the random cutaway scene of Alexander giving Selby a blowjob. It seems to serve no purpose whatsoever but to show that Alexander and Selby still have a functioning sex life. But again, maybe I just missed the point.

Technically, I found the show to be both strong and weak. The performances are very good and deserve better than the storylines their dealt. In particular, I thought that Ally Walker was fantastic, but she was saddled not only with the already-been-done storyline she had but also a completely extemporaneous and pointless story line that goes nowhere about her daughter’s first period. And Scott and Walger both deliver solid performances that add to the complexity of their character’s relationship. Everyone else is also good, but not really noteworthy. But, unfortunately, all these good performances are saddled down by somewhat clichéd writing and stories. So, unfortunately HBO, I cannot tell you that I love you, but I do know that I much would have preferred a second season of John From Cincinnati (I don’t know Butchie)instead of this.

Funny side note: According to blogger, this is my 69th post. I find this funny because I'm an immature teenage male and this post talks about sex. So to recap, Hahaha, I should be ashamed of myself.