Possibly Ingenious American Idol Theme?

So, I had an idea. Every season, American Idol proclaims that it has the best group its ever had. No matter what, at the beginning of each season, we always hear this. Am I right? Of course I am. With this in mind, I came up with an idea for a possibly genius American Idol theme of the week. If this is your best group ever, why not make them prove it on a "Songs of Past Idol Contestants" night?

Think about it, the show/record company already owns the rights, so clearing the songs wouldn't be a problem. It doesn't just have to be idol winners, any past contestant would count (Like Daughtry, or Jennifer Hudson). You have a diverse range of genres, and a number of possible well known songs. I'd love to see Allison rock out to early Kelly Clarkson, or see Lil attempt to tackle Fantasia and fail.

But that's the thing, either way, great success or huge failure, it makes good TV. Let's face it, mediocrity is boring. Things make entertaining TV when they're either really good or really bad. And if you challenge the Idols to prove their place within the greater Idol canon or fail trying, well, that would be a week of American Idol I'd be sure to watch.

State of VH1: The Less Trashy Varieties

I don't watch Celebrity Rehab or Sober House, nor most of VH1's documentary shows. I've watched an episode or two of Tough Love, but didn't love it. Female friends have said it hits too close to home for them though. There are, however, two shows I want to talk about that are significantly less trashy than my other favorite VH1 shows.

For The Love of Ray J: I only watched this off and on, but it seemed classier than the other Love shows. But the thing, or rather person, I want to talk about here is Danger. She fascinates me unlike any other "Of Love" contestant. She just seems to real, or rather raw. And maybe a tad crazy, but it's not a combo you tend to see in this world. Like when she was all "Yeah, I screwed Ray's friend" (which was, according to VH1 blog's interview with her, not actually the case). I mean, to use the show's term, Danger smashed the homie, but was completely open about it. You don't see that on these shows, with idiots (like Daisy from ROL2) or genuinely awesome people (like Ashley from ROLB) both hiding the fact that they still live with their exes. I would absolutely watch a Danger spin-off. Oh, and Fesity and Chardonnay were great too.

Free Radio: VH1's mostly unscripted comedy about an idiotic but popular morning radio DJ may actually be one of the funniest shows on TV. Lance (the moron)'s interactions with the real celebrity guests on the show are flat-out hysterical. His whole discussion with John Stamos about Stamos' ridiculous good looks but freak belly button was priceless. Don't take my word for it, check clips here. It's funnier to watch than hear described. Special shout out to Emo Sarah, the receptionist, who is always funny too.

Well, that's it for our trip through VH1's classier offerings. I'll be back later this week with the final "State of VH1" post about the upcoming televisual delights they are about to unleash on us.

The Amazing Race 4/19- Fights! Mat Explosions! Calligraphy!

Previously on The Amazing Race, the teams did karaoke with trannies, and people generally acted like idiots. Mark and Michael got four hours worth of penalties, but were spared by a non-elimination leg. Will they be able to catch up? Does anyone care with the promised mat drama/Luke & Jen fight?

The teams start out from Bangkok and are heading out to Guliin, China and must find a hair salon. Margie and Luke are team number one, and Luke points out that being in a country where they don’t speak English makes it an even playing field. Margie says it’s eye-opening, to which Luke says good. I get what he’s saying, but I get a slight feeling of douche from this guy. Jamie and Cara are, of course, disgusted to be going to another country where people don’t suddenly know English when she screams at them too. Tammy has actually been to Guilin before, and they’re Chinese, so they have a leg up. Jen says that her competitive nature is starting to come out and if someone gets in front of her, she’s gonna knock them over. So clearly the show will be editing tonight’s events tonight in Luke’s favor. Kisha and Jen actually jump ahead of the others, because the first three teams (M+L, J+C, T+V) are all on a delayed flight. The delayed teams get there shortly after though, it seems. Mark and Mike are nowhere to be seen. Tammy and Victor are very happy to be in a country where they speak the language. We then cut to Luke saying that he wishes he could go to a country where everyone was deaf. So, yup, definitely being edited so we sympathize with Luke.

Jamie and Cara get to the salon first, and are directed to go to a bridge. Tammy and Victor are right behind. Mark and Mike finally land in Guilin. Kisha and Jen have seemingly gotten very lost, and are wandering around getting passed by everyone’s cabs. Margie and Luke and Kisha and Jen make it to the salon and are flummoxed that they can’t find the clue box that is, at one point literally, touching them its so close. Luke and Jen see the clue box at the same time and rush to the box, where Luke clearly elbows Jen, to which Jen responds by calling Luke a bitch. We see Margie tell Luke not to push, then tells him about Jen calling him a bitch which riles him up. As we go to commercial, Travelocity salutes Luke and Margie for powering through the dentures task last week. Yeah, this editing isn’t one sided and seemingly wrong so far.

Side Note: I kind of love the Spongebob Burger King ad. The line about a square butt being from phonebook implants is great.

We come back and have traveled back in time, because the fight just occurred again. According to Luke, you’re not allowed to call a deaf person a bitch. Why, I have no idea. I would think it is actually the opposite, because it allows the frustration to be vented without actually having to engage the other party. But whatever. Tammy and Victor make it to the bridge first, and it’s a roadblock, where they have to Fish, old-school Guilin style. What that means is teaching cormorants to retrieve fish. Which is awesome. The tasks this season have been great. Jamie and Cara are there next, and are, of course, repulsed by foreign culture. Mark and Mike are lost. Yeah, they really stand a chance this leg. Margie and Luke and Kisha and Jen make it to the bridge the same time. This time, it’s unclear who instigates it, but Jen and Luke collide, maybe trip one another, and push each other away, culminating in Jen being pushed into the clue box. It still seems like Luke was more active in the physicality. Margie yells at Jen that it’s uncool. Whatever. This is significantly less drama than I was expecting. It seems like the handlers are treating the birds roughly, which isn’t cool. Mark and Mike finally find the hair salon. Possibly by accident. Their speedbump involves shampooing two women. No, seriously. That’s their special task. To quote Rock of Love, LAME. A bird bites Luke, which to me clearly shows that karma is on Jen’s side here. Which is only furthered by the fact that they charge through the roadblock, beating everyone. Jamie and Cara are right on their tail. The teams now need to make their way to Ancient South Gate. Jen also subscribes to my karma theory about Luke’s bird bite. Jamie and Cara are happy with their taxi driver. I would call this a miracle, but its more tied into the fact that she may be understanding some of their English. Luke and Margie finish, but Tammy and Victor’s birds are being disobedient, so they’re still stuck there. Mark and Mike finally finish their speedbump, and are on their way to the fish task. Tammy and Victor finish before Mark and Mike get there though and manage to pass Margie and Luke getting back to shore. Karma’s totally screwing over Margie and Luke. Good. Margie is now talking to Luke and denying that he pushed Jen first, which she basically acknowledged earlier in the episode. Good memory Margie. Jen promises to laugh in his face later. I fully support her.

Jen and Kisha get to the gate first. It’s a detour: choreography or calligraphy. So, learning a dance (which has been oh-so-comical in recent races) or copying four different calligraphic statements which spell out directions. Kisha and Jen head towards writing, Jamie and Cara get there and head towards dancing. Margie and Luke head towards calligraphy, and, lo and behold, the show reminds us that Luke is deaf again. No, really? I forgot that Luke can’t hear. Wait, guys, can Luke hear things? Honestly, I know that he must face a set of challenges that I can’t even fathom, but the show is pushing it and he pushed Jen. So I’m rooting for the sisters. Tammy and Victor head towards calligraphy too. Mark and Mike finally start fishing. Oh, and Jamie and Cara aren’t quite frat boys level bad at dancing, but are certainly far worse than they should be, considering they were/are dancers/cheerleaders. Tammy and Victor decide to work with Kisha and Jen. Jamie and Cara dance and hit other dancers. This is just a physical episode, ain’t it? Oh, and Jamie and Cara fail at the dance, and are mad at people for laughing at their failure. Would it be ok if they laughed in English girls? The whole pack is now working together at calligraphy, but you can feel the hatred simmering below the surface. Tammy and Victor are telling jokes in Chinese, which is both awesome and the jokes are actually funny. Mark and Mike finally finish the fish, but there is no way they catch up. Unless Jamie and Cara are really that bad. I mean, they are having another freakout over no one speaking English to them as we go into the commercial.

Jamie and Cara decide to switch tasks, which, lets face it, is still not gonna give Mark and Mike a chance. But then decide to switch back. I wonder if the lack of English in calligraphy scared them off because they can’t yell at ink to switch languages. Although they likely would have tried. The calligraphy teams all finish their task together, and have to make their way on foot to Banyan Lake and find the pit stop. All three teams footrace to the mat, with Kisha and Jen first, Tammy and Victor second, and Luke and Margie three. Margie tells Luke not to say anything, but Kisha and Jen bring it up. Luke walks away, Phil calls him back, and shit blows up. Margie accuses Kisha of laughing at Luke’s signing (which she may have done, I can’t tell), then yells at them because they should be able to fathom what Luke deals with because they’re black, and it just gets crazy. Props to Tammy and Victor for being awkwardly in between those two and to Phil for mediating as best as possible. Jamie and Cara then come in fourth. Mark and Mike apparently chose to do choreography, and the show politely shows us some footage of them making fools of themselves. They are team number five, and are thus eliminated from the race. They had a good time, did some good things. It made them better people. Whatever, I never liked them, lets just move on to the preview for next week.

Next time on The Amazing Race, the teams get exceptionally painful foot massages, and a swimming pool foils Jen to the point where she declares she wants to go home.

I'm Calling You Out: Survivor's Coach

You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolabg. If I had to sum up this post in one word, it would be fake. There is no way that what you are is nothing more than a character. No human being could exist with a personality like yours. Know how I know this? Because anyone who acts the way you act would have gotten the crap beaten out of themselves a long time ago and would have changed his personality. So yeah, Coach, I’m calling you out.

Let me guess, since I can see through your bull to the tool that you are, I would be a cancer in you tribe, right? Because anyone who disagrees with you is a cancer in your tribe. Then you’d probably say we shouldn’t be calling each other out, because we need to be unified as a tribe, only to go to confessional and proceed to call me out to the camera. Then I’m guessing you’d do something creeptastic, most likely involving invading my personal space and making some sort of weird sexual comment. You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite.

Seriously, Coach, even Tyson, your biggest ally, knows that you are a first class tool. He probably recognizes traits of douchiness, since he shows a lot of them himself. The only one who you seem to have the wool pulled over is Debbie, but since she doesn’t seem to possess a personality, she doesn’t really count. I dislike you so much I don’t even want you to make the jurt, even though I know your question would be preposterous, accusative, and insinuate that you should be in the finals instead of whoever makes it there (Oh dear God, you better not make the final Tribal, you Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite Weak Game Player). So can you please just get off my TV Coach? Just because some people liked Seagal in the 80s, doesn’t mean anyone likes him or you now.

State of VH1: I Love Money Season 2

So, this season of I Love Money has been up and down. It hasn’t quite lived up to season one, I think mainly due to a distinct lack of villainy, ala Megan from last season. I feel like they weren’t sure who people would like, so no one is distinctly evil. There are certainly people who I didn’t like (Oh, hey The Entertainer), but there sure isn’t a true villain.

But let’s not focus on the bad, let’s focus on the good: Namely Frenchie and It (and to a lesser extent, Myammee and Saaphyri). Seriously, Frenchie and It are just frickin hilarious. I just want more of them. VH1 hasn’t used their confessionals nearly enough. Frenchie is, well, herself. Meaning AMAZING. The way they subtitle her in broken English is just kind of fantastic. Seriously, that woman is comedic gold. Plus, her broken English has led to the best recurring joke of the season, the word “alliance” getting mangled into “lion.” But It might even be more entertaining. His dancing at Cali and the exit song he sang to her about what an idiot she was will be a VH1 classic. As was his talking Saaphyri out of quitting this week when he told her that the little girls who look up to her and use her lip chap would lose an idol and become drug addicts. Seriously, I’m convinced he’s secretly brilliant. And F’n hilarious.
Dream Final Two?

Sure, there are weak links. Ice is such a non-entity that it actually aggravates me. The continuous use of the word “devil” to describe anyone’s enemy is irksome. The knowledge of the games’ rules has become a complete pain in the ass because the contestants keep trying to exploit them. But it’s still wildly entertaining. I desperately want a Frenchie and It final 2. I doubt it will happen, but a boy can trashily dream, right?

Also, in case you were wondering, my thoughts on the Rock of Love finale: Better than expected, but still weak. I mean, you weren’t gonna get anything else with Taya and Mindy there. I didn’t mind him picking Taya, since I didn’t really care. I’m just looking forward to heavy doses of Ashley at the reunion.

So....

So, no one voted on the last poll. Which makes me think no one is reading this blog. So, if you are, or if you just want to see me keep writing, please vote in the new poll: Is anybody reading this? Thanks folks.

PS: If no one votes, then I'll likely stop writing this blog, at least for the time being. Because what's the point of writing for no one?

The Amazing Race 4/12- Tranny/Packs

Previously on The Amazing Race, we lost the best team left to root for, Mel and Mike. So, now we’re left with 4 semi-likeable teams and Jamie and Cara, who are in no way likeable whatsoever. Oh yeah, and Mark and Michael got penalized and Margie collapsed at the mat.

Leaving from Phuket, Tammy and Victor are first out, and are told to fly to Bangkok, Thailand. They are still gonna take things slow, because they don’t want another Romania on their hands. Jamie and Cara are next, and aren’t sure if they have a real taxi. The meaner one (I just think of them both as mean) gets angry at someone because they are speaking Thai to one another. Because everyone should speak English, according to them. I dislike them, immensely. Tammy and Victor find the first flight, at 7:25 in the morning, which means everyone is gonna equalize at the airport.

In Bangkok, the teams all have to make their ways to a boatyard at the edge of town. Kisha and Jen, who were in first place, need to stop and get directions. Same with Margie and Luke. Which is when Margie tells their cabbie to sabotage Kisha and Jen’s cabby. Margie and Luke are the first ones there, and it’s a roadblock. They have to attach a propeller to a special type of Thai boat. Jamie and Cara are there next, but shortly after they get there, Margie has sped through and finished the road block. They then have to navigate said boat through Bangkok’s water system to a specific pier. Tammy and Victor and Mark and Mike arrive at the roadblock at roughly the same time. Kisha and Jen are still nowhere to be seen still when Jamie finishes. They realize they almost forgot their bags and turn back. Foreshadowing much? Kisha and Jen finally get there shortly before Jamie and Cara leave for real. Mark and Mike are next out, but leave their bags. Kisha passes Victor and they peace out, also leaving their bags. Victor finally finishes, but apparently, he failed, because their boat can’t leave. Drama into the commercial break.

But, almost immediately, he fixes it. Tammy and Victor decide to grab their stuff, which will likely mean they won’t be in last for long. Jamie and Cara think that the water in Bangkok is gross compared to Florida water. Kisha and Jen realize they don’t even have the fanny pack, and bicker about whether or not to go back. They agree to disagree, but stay in the boat and hope they end up back at the dock. Margie and Luke make it to the next clue first, the detour: Broken teeth or Broken Record. In Broken Teeth, they have to find dentures for people. Ewwww. In Broken Record, they have to karaoke in a party taxi. Margie and Luke opt for teeth, while Jamie and Cara and Mark and Mike head towards record. But Mark and Mike have to go back to the boatyard. Kisha and Jen head towards record too, but are going to wait until after they do the task to do go back and get their bags. Jamie and Cara bitch about water in the streets and how slow the cab is going. To be fair, this is one of their more reasonable bitchings. Kisha and Jen, mainly Jen is still uneasy about the whole not having their packs thing. Margie and Luke get to teeth, and it’s just as creepy as I expected it would be. Mark and Michael decide to call their cab and have him come to them, a smart move. But they bicker over having the cab come to them or going to the detour location. Kisha and Jen and Cara and Jamie get to record and start racing each other. Tammy and Victor get there, and they have a cab full of trannies. That is seriously awesome. No joke, I’m hugely envious. I want to do karaoke with Thai trannies. Mark and Mike are going back to the dock instead of going to the task, but bicker really annoyingly throughout this whole endeavor.

Their bickering continues after the break. Margie and Luke finish the teeth and are on their way to the pit stop, Phya Thai Palace. Apparently all the cabs had Trannies, which makes that entire task all the more awesome. All the karaoke teams seem to be having a good time, which is fun to see. The race is always more enjoyable when the racers are actually enjoying it. Margie and Luke are first to the pit stop, and are greeted by a parrot, and a man who maybe was supposed to be at the teeth detour. Kisha and Jen and Jamie and Cara finish the detour, and Tammy and Victor right behind them too. Kisha and Jen are having some trouble, what with their having no bags or money. A nice cab driver takes pity on Kisha and Jen and agrees to take them to the pit stop for free. Mark and Michael finally make it all the way back to the boatyard, only to have to go all the way back to the detour. Kisha and Jen are now behind Tammy and Victor directly. Jamie and Cara make it to the pit stop as team number 2. Tammy and Victor and Kisha and Jen race and K+J make it there seconds ahead of T+V. However, K+J cannot be checked in because they don’t have their passports, so Tammy and Victor are team number 3.

Tammy and Victor tell Kisha and Jen to just go because there’s still a team behind them, indicating that they seem to want them in the race. Which is cool. Mark and Mike finally make it to Karaoke, but they already have to start bartering because they’ve run out of money. Kisha and Jen make it back to the boatyard at the same time we learn that Mark and Mike might not know they are singing with trannies. Mark and Mike finish the detour, so it’s a race to the pit stop. Mark and Mike make it there first, bartering their watch. Which is a violation of a race rule, which means they now have a two hour penalty. Twice, because they did it twice. God, these guys suck at following the rules. Kisha and Jen make it back before those four hours are up, which means they are team number four and still in the race. Which I’m glad about, since I’m probably rooting for them of the remaining teams. Mark and Michael, however, luck out, because it’s a non-elimination leg. But they still will have to deal with the speed bump, plus being over three hours behind team number four. I’m sure there will be an equalizer though. So whatever. I miss Mel and Mike.

Next time, on The Amazing Race: DRAMA between Luke and Jen. Sweetness.