So You Think You Can Dance 7/2- Fourteen Becomes Twelve

Note: This is the abridged version of the night's proceedings. For the fuller version, head to sytycd.ca

Cat is wearing a short, shiny, silver number and I am a fan. See, Karla, that's how you do shiny.

Tonght's group number seems to be about costuming as many people as horribly as possible. Because, honestly, that's all I can focus on. How awful EVERYONE looks. The choreography looks... ok. I'm betting this is a Tyce. And I get it's Broadway, but really, you put Evan in a Phantom of the Opera mask? The few who manage to overcome their preposterous costuming are Brandon, Ade, Janette, and maybe Kayla and Melissa. So I guess that puts them ahead of the pack? Yup, it’s Tyce, called it.

The first two couples are immediately on stage to get results. Either Karla and Vitolio or Evan and Randi are safe. I know that I’m rooting for the second couple here. Which is why I’m happy that they’re safe. Vitolio seems surprised by the result, and I am surprised by Vitolio’s surprise.

After the break, three more couples are up on stage. Brandon and Janette are immediately safe. Either Kayla/Kupono or Melissa/Ade are in the bottom three. It better be the first of those two, considering Melissa and Ade are amazing. And the SYTYCD Gods are smiling on me tonight, because Kayla/Kupono are also in the bottom three. They were good last night, and probably don’t deserve to be down there, but better them than Adessa. Adessa all the way!

Going into the break, we see Chbeeb and Caitlin hugged together across from Jason and Jeanine all buddy buddy. Guys, this isn't Swingtown. Partner swapping doesn't start until after top 10 week. Get it straight.

Coming back from the break, both couples are up on stage and there’s one bottom three spot left. Chbeeb’s fanbase will probably carry them through, even though they were worse than Jason and Caitlin last night. But the Gods continue to like me, because the Chbeeb is finally heading to the bottom three. He and Jeanine are happy to prove why they’re there. I’m interested to finally see Jeanine do her own style.

For the first time all season, the terms Stars of Dance seems just ridiculously accurate. Desmond Richardson and Patricia Hachey are doing some classical ballet, and it's great. She slips at one point, but otherwise, her pointe seems phenomenal, he seems to do everything he needs to with grace and style. It's great. Makes the Rage Boyz Crew look like, well, boys. The judges give them a standing O.

SOLOS
Karla- She’s good. I can see some frantic-ness in there though. Lets be honest though, she doesn’t stand a chance against the other two girls.

Vitolio- It’s just like all his other solos, meaning I like it but I’m sure the judges will call it desperate (their favorite solo critique word this season)

Kayla- In all honesty, I prefer Karla's solo. She's good, but not great. It ends really strongly though. Cat asks Kayla why she thinks America hates her. She gives answering her best shot, but it's an unfair question. Bad Cat!

Kupono- His solo is... minimal, at least to me. It's almost more about the feeling. But, I can totally see the judges hating this.

Jeanine- Boy do I wish we could see more of her doing this, because she's bonkers good. It's a bit ballet, but I feel the emotion, connection, and she just looks amazing doing that.

Philip- OK, so we all know when Phil can do what he wants, it's going to be ridiculous. And, of course, it is. Tons of fun, he's just preposterously good when left to his own devices. But come on, we all already knew this.

The judges disappear back stage and leave us with Kelly Clarkson, performing "I Do Not Hook Up." I've always kind of liked Kelly Clarkson, so I'm happy for once, going into a performance. Who knew that was possible. What's great is it's completely clear she's not lip-synching. And the song is actually pretty good too (I hadn't heard it before because I don't really listen to contemporary popular music). My only complaint would be that absolutely no one on stage is dancing. But know what, I'd much rather have something like this than endless weeks of Sean Kingston's anemic back-up dancers of Kristinia DeBarge's pop-strumpet prowling. And, for the record, Kelly can still pretty much command the stage.

Results time, and the girls are first. The judges are unanimous. Shocker. They love Jeanine, tell Kayla to dance from the heart, and tell Karla she never captured the star quality they thought she had. She’s going home. I know, I know, none of us saw this coming. [sarcasm] I do feel bad for her, she got stuck with a weaker partner and just never got the chance to shine that she needed. But it's true, she just never demonstrated star quality, at least to me. Do you all disagree?

The guys are up next, and again the judges are unanimous. Phil is great at what he does but still needs to grow in other styles. Kupono better do better than tonight’s solo in future weeks. And Vitolio never lived up to his star potential either, which is why he’s going home tonight.

Cat gets us to give one last round of applause to Karla and Vitolio before bidding us all adieu for the night. Everyone seems really sad to see these two go. Like, moreso than other weeks. Makes my cold, snarky heart feel bad. Anyways, see you all back here next week!