The premiere I speak of is, of course, I Love New York 2. Now, I’ve already admitted my love for all things VH1. I even watched the premiere of America’s Most Smartest Model last night, which, sadly, did not live up to the trash content I usually like from a VH1 show. But there’s a special place in my heart for I Love New York. Mainly, because, well, I kinda feel bad for her.
I mean, look at her track record. She goes on Flavor of Love 1. Everyone hates her. Flav keeps her to the end, but eventually chooses Hoopz over her. No one liked her, but you still usually feel bad for the girl who makes it to the end and gets rejected. And she got spit on by Pumkin.
Jump forward a year, Flavor of Love 2 comes rolling on. Half way through, Flav brings New York in to judge the new girls. Feelings return and he asks her to stay around. She makes it to the end again. Flav rejects her AGAIN. Now, I know she’s crazy, but you’ve got to start feeling bad for this girl.
Finally, New York gets her own chance (pun intended, since ILNY1 runner up was Chance) to find love. She ends up picking Tango, who proposes to her on the spot. Everything looks mildly happy. Cue the reunion show, where she and tango are finally reunited (and it feels so good). Well, that is until Tango tells her that what he saw of her on the show has shown him the real her and he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. That makes three strikes now for New York. I mean, at this point, I wanna go give her a hug and be her knight in shining armor (maybe even blinged armor). She certainly needs one.
So now we’re at I Love New York 2, where I truly hope she actually finds someone who wants to be with her, whether it be contestants like Pretty, 20 Pack, or, my early favorite, Midget Mac, who is, in fact, a little person.
But even if she doesn’t find love, which I genuinely hope she does, even if the show, like her hair and breasts, is fake, I know it’ll be a hilarious ride, featuring New York meltdowns, drunken shenanigans, and Sister Patterson’s forehead, which appears to have gone into hiding in publicity photos.
Before:
After:
But really, I mean, after last season, I’m a little worried that they can only go down. I mean, season one was so ridiculously amazing with idiots like Chance, Romance (the one who bawled every time New York’s dog, Princess, made an appearance), T-Weed (Who claimed he was a millionaire but in reality his last job was at a Munchie’s Pizza in 2002), Pootie (Who had a nervous breakdown and was apparently on the run from creditors), and 12 Pack and Heat (One of who worked as a dancer at a gay bar, the other who had a severe man crush on the dancer). Seriously, can you really go up from these guys?
So yeah, there’s not a doubt in my mind that I will be tuned in tonight at 9 (EST), and every Monday until New York and Sister Patterson’s forehead finally find that compatible thug for her. And, should she fail again, she can always get my number. Call me, New York. I’ve got love for you.
PS: VH1, Can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get Sister Patterson: Matchmaker or Sister Patterson: Couple’s Counselor? Honestly, it would be amazing.
