Pilot Review: Life

Life
NBC. Wednesdays at 10.
Cast: Damien Lewis, Sarah Shahi, Adam Arkin, Robin Weigert

Huh. Life has shown me something. Namely, what it has shown me is that you can take an interesting twist to the cop show genre, namely about a Cop who was wrongly incarcerated and now has knowledge of both sides of the law, and make it as hokey, by the books, and dull as a normal procedural, if not more. And the reason I say “if not more” is because it has all of the clunky things that can bog down a procedural as well as the all-too-common “vast conspiracy that the main character must break” plot points, which are just as clunky as the bad procedural elements.

But if it were just another police procedural, I wouldn’t have so many problems with it. I like the police procedural subgenre. When it’s done well on a show like CSI, I’m a big fan. But Life is trying to be more than just that, and that’s where I have the most problems with it.

But, it’s not just that it tries to be more than it is. It’s also got one of the worst lead characters and/or actors that I’ve seen in a while. The reason that I say and/or is because I’m not sure how much of the bad is Damien Lewis’ fault and how much of the bad is the scripts fault. Is Charlie (Lewis) supposed to come off like a creepy serial killer? Aren’t we supposed to believe that he’s a good guy, not someone who could concievably kidnap you, lock you in a truck, and then keep you chained up in their basement for three years? I don’t know if it’s Lewis’ creepy presence or the characters creepy, well, characteristics, but either way, it seriously doesn’t work and makes watching him unpleasant.

The only real bright spot on the show is Sarah Shahi, playing Charlie’s new partner with a questionable backstory. The character itself is not that good. She’s an archetype of the “cop who had a problem but now has dealt with it but it still haunts her.” She’s not written in a particularly flattering way, but Shahi manages to bring enough charm and substance to the character that by the end of the pilot I was really hoping that Charlie wasn’t going to tie her up in his basement. So yeah, kudos to Shahi. Also, while I can’t comment on the actor, the backstory for Arkin’s character, a former CEO who dabbled in investor trading and now manages Charlie’s money for him, is kind of clever in a certain way. But yeah, that’s about it.

So, in closing, Life is a by-the-multiple-badly-written-books cop show that tries to be more than it is and fails. The main character may or may not kill you in a dark alley, and if I learned anything from the pilot, it’s that corrections officers love harassing convicts, but that’s a lesson that I already learned from Prison Break, which, conveniently, handles it’s mass conspiracy storyline a lot better than Life. So, yup, the rating:

Rating: Not Worth Your Time

Welcome Back: Fall TV, and tonight, Prison Break

Tonight sees the first two premieres of the new season (I’m still not acknowledging your existence The Biggest Loser), Prison Break and K-Ville. I’m not particularly fond of K-Ville, as can be seen in my review, but I was a fan of the first two good, albeit uneven seasons of Prison Break.

The premise itself is good, about a man who is slowly breaking out of jail, and the producers built a great first season around the concept. Season two, about them being on the run after breaking out, introduced a great antagonist in Agent Mahone (William Fichtner), but also had quite a bit of foolishness before getting down to it’s conclusion. It was a far weaker season than the first. But, I have faith in season 3, because it’s back to the whole breaking out of prison shtick. Which they did really well.

I haven’t exactly been hearing good words about the first two episodes of season three, but I’ll be tuning in nevertheless, even if I’ll be watching it weeks after it airs. Unless it really stinks this season, in which case I won’t be. There’s a lot of other television to watch, so don’t let me down Prison Break. I’m losing enough faith in FOX as it is…

I'm Calling You Out: The Emmys. Quit Sucking So Much...

Listen Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, we’ve gotta have a serious talk. Because watching this year's Emmys, I am seriously worried for you. Yes, you picked some fresh faces like America Ferrara of Ugly Betty instead of somehow giving her award to Kelsey Grammar. And yes, I was pleasantly surprised by certain wins like my favorite comedy of last year being your favorite as well, 30 Rock (I know I said Slap Bet from How I Met Your Mother was my favorite episode, but 30 Rock’s entire first season was great). But seriously, we’ve got some major things to talk about.

Number 1: How many of your voting members actually watch new television shows or shows that aren’t necessarily on the Big 4 networks nowadays? How many of them get channels like HBO and Showtime? Because, watching the telecast, it was really apparent that you guys missed out on a whole lot of good TV last year. Many people are saying that The Wire’s fourth season was one of the best seasons of television any show has had ever. It got zero nominations. Lots of people said that Friday Night Lights freshman season was the best first season they can remember. It got casting and directing nominations. Veronica Mars didn’t have its best season ever, but it still turned in a solidly great show. I guess you never saw it. Dexter over on Showtime boasted a morally ambiguous character (which you guys usually love) and great performances and writing. Well, at least it got an Emmy for it’s awesome main title design, but it didn’t even make the main telecast. So, seriously, I think every viewer should be forced to watch at least one episode of every show that’s eligible for nominations. I don’t care if you guys only want to watch repeats of The West Wing, you kind of have to keep up with current television that’s off the beaten path.

Number 2: The Sopranos. Where to begin with your treatment of this show? Firstly, you bring the entire cast and crew on stage in the middle of the broadcast for a standing ovation. That’s nice of you guys, honoring them for what an impact their show has had on television. Too bad that didn’t translate into actual wins. Seriously, you guys could only honor it with writing, directing, and best series? You thought James Spader deserved best actor more than James Gandolfini? Or that Terry O’Quinn deserved it more than Michael Imperioli? Or that Sally Field deserved it more than Edie Falco? Or that Katherine Heigl deserved it more than both Aida Tuturro and Lorraine Bracco? I’m sorry, as much as the four winners put in good performances this year, their statues belong to our favorite Jersey mobsters, drug addicts, mobster’s wives, mobster’s sisters, and mobster’s therapists.

Number 3: Learn to budget your freaking time better. Remember last year when you stuck Bob Newhart in a tank with three hours worth of oxygen? And if the broadcast ran over, Newhart would die? Well, let’s try doing that every year. Or cut out the freaking filler. Did we really need a ten-minute performance of Frankie Valli songs by the cast of Jersey Boys in order to honor The Sopranos? No, we didn’t. Did Ray Romano need to do a 5-minute bit about how it’s been two years since Everybody Loves Raymond finally, mercifully went off the air? No, he didn’t. Was I forced to endure all of this? Yes, yes I was.

Number 4: Just because a show is well rated, doesn’t mean it’s good. Seriously, you guys think Two and a Half Men is one of the five funniest shows on TV? I can name you ten funny un-nominated comedies that should have had its spot. At least you guys didn’t nominate every Desperate Housewife like you did last year. But seriously, look for the undiscovered gems and do a service to the TV watchers of America by highlighting them. You know how much a show like Friday Night Lights could get noticed if you had rightfully nominated it? A lot. But no, instead you give what was far and away the worst season of 24 another nomination. And there was a season where a character got caught in a bear trap.

So yeah, Emmys. Get your act together. Quit drooling over everything David E. Kelley touches. Quit giving a token win to one fresh-faced newcomer. Look beyond the Neilsen top 20 for your nominees. And respect greatness. Maybe your ratings will stop plummeting if you do so. Just a thought.