I'm Calling You Out: Survivor's Coach

You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolabg. If I had to sum up this post in one word, it would be fake. There is no way that what you are is nothing more than a character. No human being could exist with a personality like yours. Know how I know this? Because anyone who acts the way you act would have gotten the crap beaten out of themselves a long time ago and would have changed his personality. So yeah, Coach, I’m calling you out.

Let me guess, since I can see through your bull to the tool that you are, I would be a cancer in you tribe, right? Because anyone who disagrees with you is a cancer in your tribe. Then you’d probably say we shouldn’t be calling each other out, because we need to be unified as a tribe, only to go to confessional and proceed to call me out to the camera. Then I’m guessing you’d do something creeptastic, most likely involving invading my personal space and making some sort of weird sexual comment. You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite.

Seriously, Coach, even Tyson, your biggest ally, knows that you are a first class tool. He probably recognizes traits of douchiness, since he shows a lot of them himself. The only one who you seem to have the wool pulled over is Debbie, but since she doesn’t seem to possess a personality, she doesn’t really count. I dislike you so much I don’t even want you to make the jurt, even though I know your question would be preposterous, accusative, and insinuate that you should be in the finals instead of whoever makes it there (Oh dear God, you better not make the final Tribal, you Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite Weak Game Player). So can you please just get off my TV Coach? Just because some people liked Seagal in the 80s, doesn’t mean anyone likes him or you now.

Top 10 Of The Year: #6- Survivor Micronesia: Fans Vs. Favorites

Previously:
The Honorable Mentions
#10- Gossip Girl
#9- South Park
#8- Chuck
#7- How I Met Your Mother

Yup, folks, it's a Top 10 double feature, because I've currently got nothing to do at work!
Listen, I’m as surprised as anyone that Survivor made my top 10. The reality mainstay stopped being good after like season 2. I kept watching, though, since I require incredible amounts of television in my bloodstream at all times. And I’m very glad I did. And I’m glad I did because Survivor Micronesia: Fans vs. Favorites was the best season they’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong, I love season one, but, despite the insanity of parts, it was relatively tame. It was just so shocking and great because no one knew the formula, it was brand new. Whereas, with Micronesia, everyone knew what Survivor was, and it still managed to knock people’s socks off.

The credit for this season really rests in the hands of the players. The fans vs. favorites dynamic was interesting, but this season didn’t pick up until after the merge. Which is when all the fun started. See, there were five (Count ‘em FIVE) amazing tribal councils in a row. First, Eliza played the fake immunity idol. Then they blindsided Ozzy. Then they blindsided Jason in the exact same way they blindsided Ozzy. Then Amanda successfully used a hidden immunity idol,

And then, the piece de resistance, they convinced Erik, having just seen the past FOUR tribal council game twists, to GIVE UP his individual immunity. The poor, dumb kid.

But, as if FIVE straight weeks of Tribal Council awesomeness weren’t good enough, you also had TWO medical evacuations and player voluntarily quitting the game. This season was just so good.

Now, I know that this was only half of the primetime season for Survivor. But I don’t care. I’m making the rules, I can break ‘em. This season of Survivor was so good, it absolutely earned it’s spot here. So congrats, Survivor, for the awesome come back. You earned your #6.

Reality TV Roundup

While this upcoming week is arguably the big premiere week of the fall season, this past week also featured a number of season and series premieres. This post is about 3 of those. Now, if you’ve looked at this blog, you should know that I’m kind of a reality TV junkie. You’d have to find all of the negative elements of the genre and bunch them in together to a reality show in order to really turn me away (Cough cough Big Brother 8 Cough cough). So I’m basically here tonight to discuss the premieres of Kid Nation and Survivor on CBS and Beauty and the Geek over on the CW, which I will not forgive for canceling Veronica Mars.

Lets start out over on the eye network with Wednesday’s premiere of Kid Nation. Now, I’ve read all the controversy about how the show is exploiting child labor and how kids scalded themselves with hot cooking oil. And I’ve also read how CBS is trying to have its cake and eat it too, saying that there was constant adult supervision but also that these kids were separated from adults for the entire time. But, having now watched the show, I don’t really care that CBS was trying to play both sides of the fence. Because, even if there were adults swarming around behind the scenes (which there obviously had to be, unless you had kids running the video cameras and such), the show really is about the kids ingenuity and them all finding their place in society and just trying to improve it the best they can. And everyone seems to be taking it seriously. I wasn’t a kid that long ago, and I absolutely get where these kids are coming from. I mean, granted, the show is trying to cast the kids we like and the kids we don’t like. And they did force them to participate in an inane Survivor-like challenge to determine social hierarchy and in-town pay, but it was at its core about these kids and their attempts to make something that would work, and so I say kudos to CBS. You have me watching.

Continuing on CBS, Thursday saw the premiere of Survivor: China, the umpteenth incarnation of CBS’s reality stalwart. Last season had its good and bad moments, but was, for the most part, not entirely memorable. In fact, earlier today I couldn’t remember for the life of me who won. I just looked it up and went “Oh yeah, that was last season.” That being said, so far, my hopes aren’t particularly high for this one. Yes, they’ve put them in a possibly exciting new location that’s actually man-made. And yes, this is one of those seasons where they don’t get any of their belongings, only the clothes on their backs. But still, a majority of this cast is just seemingly sinking into the background. Casting is the key to these shows; it makes or breaks them. When Survivor has the right cast, it can become must see TV, but so far this one isn’t doing it for me. But, if they continue getting rid of my most hated castaway every week like they did this week, I may just be tempted to stick around. But I’ll watch anyways, for a while.

Over on the CW this past Tuesday, my favorite televised “social experiment”, as they love to call it, started up again, Beauty and the Geek. This season, there appear to be some really good geeks and beauties. There are also some more aggravating ones (Too perky Jasmin and annoying LARPer Dave come to mind, who, coincidentally, are paired together. Here’s hoping for an early exit). But I’m most concerned about this season’s twist, the inclusion of one male beauty and one female geek. Now, I’m all for this concept, to prove that there are just as many girl geeks out there as well. But I don’t think that this co-ed twist will work for two reasons. One, a lot of the challenges were fashion or beauty related, which a male beauty is not going to necessarily work well at. So I think they may be at a kind of unfair advantage. But secondly, this show was all about how these beauties could learn that these dorky guys are actually really good people with inner beauty and all that jazz. So the inclusion of a hunk, to me, stands to block these geeks from the beauties, because, lets face it, they don’t cast these women because they aren’t superficial. But yeah, it could be interesting.

But I’m a reality TV junkie. So I’ll keep watching all of these shows. If anything of note happens, I’ll talk about it. So keep an eye out for reality shenanigans, because I know I will be.