I'm Calling You Out: Survivor's Coach

You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolabg. If I had to sum up this post in one word, it would be fake. There is no way that what you are is nothing more than a character. No human being could exist with a personality like yours. Know how I know this? Because anyone who acts the way you act would have gotten the crap beaten out of themselves a long time ago and would have changed his personality. So yeah, Coach, I’m calling you out.

Let me guess, since I can see through your bull to the tool that you are, I would be a cancer in you tribe, right? Because anyone who disagrees with you is a cancer in your tribe. Then you’d probably say we shouldn’t be calling each other out, because we need to be unified as a tribe, only to go to confessional and proceed to call me out to the camera. Then I’m guessing you’d do something creeptastic, most likely involving invading my personal space and making some sort of weird sexual comment. You Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite.

Seriously, Coach, even Tyson, your biggest ally, knows that you are a first class tool. He probably recognizes traits of douchiness, since he shows a lot of them himself. The only one who you seem to have the wool pulled over is Debbie, but since she doesn’t seem to possess a personality, she doesn’t really count. I dislike you so much I don’t even want you to make the jurt, even though I know your question would be preposterous, accusative, and insinuate that you should be in the finals instead of whoever makes it there (Oh dear God, you better not make the final Tribal, you Steven Seagal Wannabe Toolbag Hypocrite Weak Game Player). So can you please just get off my TV Coach? Just because some people liked Seagal in the 80s, doesn’t mean anyone likes him or you now.

State of VH1: I Love Money Season 2

So, this season of I Love Money has been up and down. It hasn’t quite lived up to season one, I think mainly due to a distinct lack of villainy, ala Megan from last season. I feel like they weren’t sure who people would like, so no one is distinctly evil. There are certainly people who I didn’t like (Oh, hey The Entertainer), but there sure isn’t a true villain.

But let’s not focus on the bad, let’s focus on the good: Namely Frenchie and It (and to a lesser extent, Myammee and Saaphyri). Seriously, Frenchie and It are just frickin hilarious. I just want more of them. VH1 hasn’t used their confessionals nearly enough. Frenchie is, well, herself. Meaning AMAZING. The way they subtitle her in broken English is just kind of fantastic. Seriously, that woman is comedic gold. Plus, her broken English has led to the best recurring joke of the season, the word “alliance” getting mangled into “lion.” But It might even be more entertaining. His dancing at Cali and the exit song he sang to her about what an idiot she was will be a VH1 classic. As was his talking Saaphyri out of quitting this week when he told her that the little girls who look up to her and use her lip chap would lose an idol and become drug addicts. Seriously, I’m convinced he’s secretly brilliant. And F’n hilarious.
Dream Final Two?

Sure, there are weak links. Ice is such a non-entity that it actually aggravates me. The continuous use of the word “devil” to describe anyone’s enemy is irksome. The knowledge of the games’ rules has become a complete pain in the ass because the contestants keep trying to exploit them. But it’s still wildly entertaining. I desperately want a Frenchie and It final 2. I doubt it will happen, but a boy can trashily dream, right?

Also, in case you were wondering, my thoughts on the Rock of Love finale: Better than expected, but still weak. I mean, you weren’t gonna get anything else with Taya and Mindy there. I didn’t mind him picking Taya, since I didn’t really care. I’m just looking forward to heavy doses of Ashley at the reunion.

So....

So, no one voted on the last poll. Which makes me think no one is reading this blog. So, if you are, or if you just want to see me keep writing, please vote in the new poll: Is anybody reading this? Thanks folks.

PS: If no one votes, then I'll likely stop writing this blog, at least for the time being. Because what's the point of writing for no one?

The Amazing Race 4/12- Tranny/Packs

Previously on The Amazing Race, we lost the best team left to root for, Mel and Mike. So, now we’re left with 4 semi-likeable teams and Jamie and Cara, who are in no way likeable whatsoever. Oh yeah, and Mark and Michael got penalized and Margie collapsed at the mat.

Leaving from Phuket, Tammy and Victor are first out, and are told to fly to Bangkok, Thailand. They are still gonna take things slow, because they don’t want another Romania on their hands. Jamie and Cara are next, and aren’t sure if they have a real taxi. The meaner one (I just think of them both as mean) gets angry at someone because they are speaking Thai to one another. Because everyone should speak English, according to them. I dislike them, immensely. Tammy and Victor find the first flight, at 7:25 in the morning, which means everyone is gonna equalize at the airport.

In Bangkok, the teams all have to make their ways to a boatyard at the edge of town. Kisha and Jen, who were in first place, need to stop and get directions. Same with Margie and Luke. Which is when Margie tells their cabbie to sabotage Kisha and Jen’s cabby. Margie and Luke are the first ones there, and it’s a roadblock. They have to attach a propeller to a special type of Thai boat. Jamie and Cara are there next, but shortly after they get there, Margie has sped through and finished the road block. They then have to navigate said boat through Bangkok’s water system to a specific pier. Tammy and Victor and Mark and Mike arrive at the roadblock at roughly the same time. Kisha and Jen are still nowhere to be seen still when Jamie finishes. They realize they almost forgot their bags and turn back. Foreshadowing much? Kisha and Jen finally get there shortly before Jamie and Cara leave for real. Mark and Mike are next out, but leave their bags. Kisha passes Victor and they peace out, also leaving their bags. Victor finally finishes, but apparently, he failed, because their boat can’t leave. Drama into the commercial break.

But, almost immediately, he fixes it. Tammy and Victor decide to grab their stuff, which will likely mean they won’t be in last for long. Jamie and Cara think that the water in Bangkok is gross compared to Florida water. Kisha and Jen realize they don’t even have the fanny pack, and bicker about whether or not to go back. They agree to disagree, but stay in the boat and hope they end up back at the dock. Margie and Luke make it to the next clue first, the detour: Broken teeth or Broken Record. In Broken Teeth, they have to find dentures for people. Ewwww. In Broken Record, they have to karaoke in a party taxi. Margie and Luke opt for teeth, while Jamie and Cara and Mark and Mike head towards record. But Mark and Mike have to go back to the boatyard. Kisha and Jen head towards record too, but are going to wait until after they do the task to do go back and get their bags. Jamie and Cara bitch about water in the streets and how slow the cab is going. To be fair, this is one of their more reasonable bitchings. Kisha and Jen, mainly Jen is still uneasy about the whole not having their packs thing. Margie and Luke get to teeth, and it’s just as creepy as I expected it would be. Mark and Michael decide to call their cab and have him come to them, a smart move. But they bicker over having the cab come to them or going to the detour location. Kisha and Jen and Cara and Jamie get to record and start racing each other. Tammy and Victor get there, and they have a cab full of trannies. That is seriously awesome. No joke, I’m hugely envious. I want to do karaoke with Thai trannies. Mark and Mike are going back to the dock instead of going to the task, but bicker really annoyingly throughout this whole endeavor.

Their bickering continues after the break. Margie and Luke finish the teeth and are on their way to the pit stop, Phya Thai Palace. Apparently all the cabs had Trannies, which makes that entire task all the more awesome. All the karaoke teams seem to be having a good time, which is fun to see. The race is always more enjoyable when the racers are actually enjoying it. Margie and Luke are first to the pit stop, and are greeted by a parrot, and a man who maybe was supposed to be at the teeth detour. Kisha and Jen and Jamie and Cara finish the detour, and Tammy and Victor right behind them too. Kisha and Jen are having some trouble, what with their having no bags or money. A nice cab driver takes pity on Kisha and Jen and agrees to take them to the pit stop for free. Mark and Michael finally make it all the way back to the boatyard, only to have to go all the way back to the detour. Kisha and Jen are now behind Tammy and Victor directly. Jamie and Cara make it to the pit stop as team number 2. Tammy and Victor and Kisha and Jen race and K+J make it there seconds ahead of T+V. However, K+J cannot be checked in because they don’t have their passports, so Tammy and Victor are team number 3.

Tammy and Victor tell Kisha and Jen to just go because there’s still a team behind them, indicating that they seem to want them in the race. Which is cool. Mark and Mike finally make it to Karaoke, but they already have to start bartering because they’ve run out of money. Kisha and Jen make it back to the boatyard at the same time we learn that Mark and Mike might not know they are singing with trannies. Mark and Mike finish the detour, so it’s a race to the pit stop. Mark and Mike make it there first, bartering their watch. Which is a violation of a race rule, which means they now have a two hour penalty. Twice, because they did it twice. God, these guys suck at following the rules. Kisha and Jen make it back before those four hours are up, which means they are team number four and still in the race. Which I’m glad about, since I’m probably rooting for them of the remaining teams. Mark and Michael, however, luck out, because it’s a non-elimination leg. But they still will have to deal with the speed bump, plus being over three hours behind team number four. I’m sure there will be an equalizer though. So whatever. I miss Mel and Mike.

Next time, on The Amazing Race: DRAMA between Luke and Jen. Sweetness.