Our opening number is a fun little 1940’s inspired routine to “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy From Company B”. It’s vaguely reminiscent to a tamer version of the video for “Candyman”, which featured Benji Schwimmer, last season’s winner. Coincidence? I’m guessing so. They all salute Cat very cutely when she walks on stage, and Cat looks very summery and cute and British. We’re reminded about the tour yet again. Cat yet again makes us say “judges”. I still don’t know why we do it. We immediately launch into which couples are safe. Either Sabra and Dominic are in the bottom or Danny and Anya is in the bottom. Before we get the results, we get to watch Dominic sleeping and getting woken up by Sabra. The judges really liked them (At least Mary and Nigel did. Wade didn’t really talk about the dance). The judges also loved Danny and Anya’s foxtrot, despite Wade’s anti-Danny speech. I placed Sabra and Dominic in the bottom three, but by default. Sabra and Dominic are safe tonight, and I’m glad, because I really like them, but that leaves Danny and Anya in the bottom three, despite my belief that both of them should be there at the end. Mary promises to try to protect them tonight. Mary, I’m with you.
The next two couples brought out are Jaimie and Hok and Pasha and Sara. Hok and Jaimie are up first and liked Jaimie and disliked Hok. Pasha and Sara’s jazz routine, however, got pretty darn good reviews. Our next couple in the bottom three is Jaimie and Hok. They were the worst couple last night, so this is a surprise to no one. Nigel backtracks on his anti-Hok stuff, and compliments Jaimie’s technique again, flattering Jaimie’s teacher in the audience, Denise Wall, who also happens to be Travis from last season and Danny’s adoptive mom. Coincidence? I think not, because I’m sure half the contestants have ties to Denise Wall. So not so much coincidence as to be expected.
The last two couples to find out their fates are Lauren and Neil and Lacey and Kameron. Lacey and Kameron should be the last couple based on the judge’s reactions. But it is not such, as Lacey and Kameron are safe and Lauren and Neil are in the bottom three. I hope people aren’t just voting for Lacey and Kameron because of the whole Schwimmer family thing and their awesome Mia Michaels contemporary routine in the first week. After all the results, we find out that we have a surprise in store for us. That surprise is a pretty awesome tap routine by Jason Samuel Smith whose name I forgot. I mean, he just rocks that stage, dancing up a storm. He makes tap seem awesome, which takes talent.
Solo Time:
Anya: Anya proves that there is such a good thing as a ballroom solo. She also proves, however, that her taste in fashion is beyond garish, wearing a sparkly thing heavily tassled in the bosom region.
Danny: Danny’s solo is graceful and beautiful, if a little bit tired. He’s amazing to watch on that stage though. He seems so professional. Maybe that’s what’s working against him?
Jaimie: Jaimie runs about the stage and shows off her really good lines. But besides having amazing lines, the solo doesn’t really do much for me.
Hok: His solo is really energetic and fun, but I’m not sure if it’s gonna be able to keep him in the competition. There’s some incredible acrobatics though.
Lauren: Lauren displays her musicality and her body control, but something about it just doesn’t do it for me.
Neil: Neil kind of runs and jumps and twirls around to Maroon 5. I yawn and think that Hok’s chances of survival just got a lot better.
But enough with the dancing, it’s time for a lackluster musical performance. This week’s bland flavor is Enrique Iglesias. Seriously, Enrique. If you’re going to be performing in a show called “So You Think You Can Dance” do you think they want you to just stand in front of a microphone and sing? It’s common sense. The song is also not gripping. It’s your basically you’re basic generic pop ballad. He really should have done “Bailamos” I mean, it’s a freaking dance show. You have a song called, basically “Let’s Dance.” It’s not hard to put two things like that together. After the performance, Cat gets very dour. Oh Cat, stay happy.
Apparently, the judges are taking time, because Cat is clearly killing time on stage. We’re starting with the girls this week. The decision is not unanimous this week. Jaimie’s solo was apparently only alright tonight, but she’s still safe. The judges don’t feel that Lauren has reached her potential. They feel like Anya has had trouble with solos in the past and that may continue. The judges like Lauren more, so Anya will not be making the tour, which is a shame, because she was a pretty awesome dancer. Frankly, they cut the wrong person. Anya seems to be taking her elimination in stride though. They were unanimous this week with the guys. They state that Hok is a unique dancer, but has not shown his diversity. Which is why they cut him without even addressing Neil and Danny. Hok tells America that this isn’t the end of his journey. At the very end, as the credits are rolling, Hok moves away from the group and breaks for the audience, while Pasha and Anya share a tender hug. Anya, you should still be in the competition. But what can I say, America generally sucks at voting.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Big Brother 7/19. Amber Makes It A Whole Hour Without Crying.
We begin this week’s installment with a recap of all this past week’s drama, with phrases like “At the nomination, the queen bee stung her biggest threats.” Big Brother, are you taking the Chen-Bot’s script advice? That fight last time was awesome, and it’s still awesome during this recap. Danielle removed herself from the block and the house turned some weird lilac-tone. Outside the house though things are in full color, and by color, I mean boring and bad hosting. Chen-Bot, whose hair I’m now sure is big because its full of mechanical secrets, warns us that anything can happen, and then launches us into another battle in the house. Inside, we’re still lilac, but that only lasts through the veto ceremony. Joe kind of knows he’s screwed going up against Dick. Joe tells us he’s not a dour rain cloud who’s gonna bring everyone down (cough cough Amber) and he’s not going to bitch like the girls last week (cough cough Amber). Joe is playing hard to save himself. Already it’s time for our America’s player information. Apparently, America wants Joe evicted. Good America, you’re starting to redeem yourself for all the anti-Carol nonsense. Dick confronts Kail about parts of the Mrs. Robinson alliance (particularly Mike). Kail immediately goes to Mike and starts trying to get Dick evicted. Kail tries to pressure Danielle into voting her dad out. Danielle sees right through Kail. Danielle then warns Daddy, and Kail recognizes her strategic failure, and is now seemingly against Danielle as well. Dick then confronts Kail about her campaigning against him. This is why I like you Dick. You’ll confront anyone. Kail denies her lying, and everyone around them seems to be as quiet as a mouse. Evil is seriously burning bridges left and right. Jameka, very aptly, says “wow” when it’s all over. We’re back to Julie and we learn that we’ll learn about the man who came between Joe and Dustin. But first (I think we should give Julie a “but first” allowance per season), we get to see everyone saying things about the nominees. But I don’t really listen because no one casts a vote until its eviction time. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s favorite Christmas Carol is Good King Jenceslas?
Julie welcomes us back to talk with our houseguests. First, we talk to Danielle, who looks slightly like a medium class hooker tonight, who says that she felt bad about leaving. Julie confronts Amber about her crying, who defends herself by claiming she’s just a sensitive soul. Mike/Magnus has seven wives. Is Mike on Big Love? Julie loves Jen’s multiple unitard outfits. Everyone looks mildly amused. I don’t. The man in the middle between Dustin and Joe looks even worse than both of them and he’s in between both of them on the effeminate scale. He also says Joe could have gotten gonorrhea anywhere. *Jazz Hands* AWKWARD. Dustin and Joe still don’t seem to have anything resolved, which we get through a tender “I won’t vote to keep you” speech from Dustin. The houseguests talk about the nominees again. I don’t listen again. Although, I catch that Zach either thinks Joe’s gonna screw him, or he’s gonna screw Joe. Jameka doesn’t quite want to get rid of ED. Maybe Zach and Joe should talk to Jameka about her ED. It might stop the screwing. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald work is “Jender Is The Night”?
It’s time for our one-on-one talk with Jen, and the Chen-Bot takes a crack at Jen’s narcissism. Jen feels that he and Dick are similar but that he has an explosive personality. Julie talks to Jen about her picture breakdown. I laugh again at that from memory. Jen denies that she nominated Danielle out of jealousy. It’s time for our live eviction. Joe tells them to follow through on their word. Dick makes more funnies about his shy, introverted personality. Dustin is first to vote. He votes to evict Joe. Big surprise. Danielle votes to evict Joe. Eric votes to evict Joe based on our request and makes a very bad name joke. Amber votes to Joe as well. So far its 4-0. But Julie Chen says “Hogwash” to revealing the rest of the votes and goes to commercial. Oh Julie… On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s dog (and you know she’s gonna have some sort of small dog) resides in a Jennel?
And we’re back. Kail is voting next, and she votes to evict Dick. Jameka is next, and she votes to evict Joe. If Joe gets another vote, he’s dunzo. Mike votes to evict Joe, thus evicting Joe. Nick votes to evict Joe as well. Jessica votes to evict Joe. Zach votes to evict Joe as well. Well, that sucks for Kail. But I don’t like Kail. So it’s all good. Joe is out by a vote of 9-1. Joe seems actually upset. Amber is not crying as I expected her too. I just realized. Kail is the only one who voted to keep the gay guy. God’s not gonna be very happy with you Kail. Maybe he’ll use Amber to seek his revenge. They seem to communicate often. Everyone is hugging inside the house and I don’t know why. Julie slaps Joe in the face by pointing out that Dustin is outlasting him in the show that he really wanted to be on. Julie is clearly pleased that Joe called so much drama. Joe prides himself on his honest brand of drama. Eric reveals the America’s Player twist and the whole sleepwalking thing. Joe is honored that America chose him to make Eric feel most *jazz hands* Awkward. Half the people in Joe’s exit clip package seem to rag on him. The rest seems to like him. Dustin gives him a heartfelt message and I like Dustin more for it. Joe laughs at it. I dislike Joe some more. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s favorite Gilbert and Sullivan opera is “The Pirates of Jenzance”?
It’s time for the HOH competition, and I wish Jen were still eligible. This week’s competition is called getting schooled and covers elementary school subjects that relate to Big Brother. I’m already confused as to how social studies can relate to Dick and Jen. The first question about Carol’s eviction eliminates Dustin. The next question eliminates Eric, Jameka, Zach, and Jessica. Julie asks a question about art and everyone guesses but only Kail gets it wrong. The next question is about Jen’s speeches, and Nick and Amber are eliminated. Everyone guesses wrong on the next one. Everyone gets the next one right. They’ve exhausted all the questions, so its time for a tiebreaker between Dick, Danielle, and Mike. I hope Mike wins, because he won’t nominate Jen. The tiebreaker is about Jen’s unitard. Unfortunately, Dick wins HOH, which means Jen will be nominated. I hope she wins veto. Please, she makes the best television. Our America’s Player task is once again voting for whom we want Eric to get nominated. I’m voting for Amber. She didn’t cry nearly enough this episode. If she’s nominated, you know the waterworks are gonna start. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen gets her taxes done at Jentury 21? On a mildly related note, I’m stopping doing this Jen jokes, because I’m running out of material.
Julie welcomes us back to talk with our houseguests. First, we talk to Danielle, who looks slightly like a medium class hooker tonight, who says that she felt bad about leaving. Julie confronts Amber about her crying, who defends herself by claiming she’s just a sensitive soul. Mike/Magnus has seven wives. Is Mike on Big Love? Julie loves Jen’s multiple unitard outfits. Everyone looks mildly amused. I don’t. The man in the middle between Dustin and Joe looks even worse than both of them and he’s in between both of them on the effeminate scale. He also says Joe could have gotten gonorrhea anywhere. *Jazz Hands* AWKWARD. Dustin and Joe still don’t seem to have anything resolved, which we get through a tender “I won’t vote to keep you” speech from Dustin. The houseguests talk about the nominees again. I don’t listen again. Although, I catch that Zach either thinks Joe’s gonna screw him, or he’s gonna screw Joe. Jameka doesn’t quite want to get rid of ED. Maybe Zach and Joe should talk to Jameka about her ED. It might stop the screwing. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald work is “Jender Is The Night”?
It’s time for our one-on-one talk with Jen, and the Chen-Bot takes a crack at Jen’s narcissism. Jen feels that he and Dick are similar but that he has an explosive personality. Julie talks to Jen about her picture breakdown. I laugh again at that from memory. Jen denies that she nominated Danielle out of jealousy. It’s time for our live eviction. Joe tells them to follow through on their word. Dick makes more funnies about his shy, introverted personality. Dustin is first to vote. He votes to evict Joe. Big surprise. Danielle votes to evict Joe. Eric votes to evict Joe based on our request and makes a very bad name joke. Amber votes to Joe as well. So far its 4-0. But Julie Chen says “Hogwash” to revealing the rest of the votes and goes to commercial. Oh Julie… On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s dog (and you know she’s gonna have some sort of small dog) resides in a Jennel?
And we’re back. Kail is voting next, and she votes to evict Dick. Jameka is next, and she votes to evict Joe. If Joe gets another vote, he’s dunzo. Mike votes to evict Joe, thus evicting Joe. Nick votes to evict Joe as well. Jessica votes to evict Joe. Zach votes to evict Joe as well. Well, that sucks for Kail. But I don’t like Kail. So it’s all good. Joe is out by a vote of 9-1. Joe seems actually upset. Amber is not crying as I expected her too. I just realized. Kail is the only one who voted to keep the gay guy. God’s not gonna be very happy with you Kail. Maybe he’ll use Amber to seek his revenge. They seem to communicate often. Everyone is hugging inside the house and I don’t know why. Julie slaps Joe in the face by pointing out that Dustin is outlasting him in the show that he really wanted to be on. Julie is clearly pleased that Joe called so much drama. Joe prides himself on his honest brand of drama. Eric reveals the America’s Player twist and the whole sleepwalking thing. Joe is honored that America chose him to make Eric feel most *jazz hands* Awkward. Half the people in Joe’s exit clip package seem to rag on him. The rest seems to like him. Dustin gives him a heartfelt message and I like Dustin more for it. Joe laughs at it. I dislike Joe some more. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen’s favorite Gilbert and Sullivan opera is “The Pirates of Jenzance”?
It’s time for the HOH competition, and I wish Jen were still eligible. This week’s competition is called getting schooled and covers elementary school subjects that relate to Big Brother. I’m already confused as to how social studies can relate to Dick and Jen. The first question about Carol’s eviction eliminates Dustin. The next question eliminates Eric, Jameka, Zach, and Jessica. Julie asks a question about art and everyone guesses but only Kail gets it wrong. The next question is about Jen’s speeches, and Nick and Amber are eliminated. Everyone guesses wrong on the next one. Everyone gets the next one right. They’ve exhausted all the questions, so its time for a tiebreaker between Dick, Danielle, and Mike. I hope Mike wins, because he won’t nominate Jen. The tiebreaker is about Jen’s unitard. Unfortunately, Dick wins HOH, which means Jen will be nominated. I hope she wins veto. Please, she makes the best television. Our America’s Player task is once again voting for whom we want Eric to get nominated. I’m voting for Amber. She didn’t cry nearly enough this episode. If she’s nominated, you know the waterworks are gonna start. On a completely separate note, do you think Jen gets her taxes done at Jentury 21? On a mildly related note, I’m stopping doing this Jen jokes, because I’m running out of material.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
So You Think You Can Dance 7/18. I Think Wade Robson Is On Something
Opening: I’m perplexed by Cat’s dress. Is it a short dress that’s made to look ruffled, or is it an ill-fitting longer dress? I guess we’ll never know. Pasha manages to combine 3 styles in 15 seconds. Neil is back to twirling. Anya continues to have a terrible taste in fashion. Cat reminds us that this is the last week where the partners remain the same. I don’t get why Cat always wants us to scream “judges”. But we do it anyways. Tonight’s guest judge is Wade Robson, meaning we’ll have to rely on Mia Michaels for some kickass routines. Nigel has had a haircut, and looks spiffy. Cat and Nigel reminisce about British things. Mary thinks it’s still anybody’s game. The hot tamale train is mentioned again, and I still don’t ever want to take a ride on it. Wade Robson thinks the dancers have a responsibility to be honest as humans on stage. Deep, Wade. Deep.
Sabra and Dominic: Sabra loves that Dominic is really funny. Dominic loves that they always have chemistry. Her problem with his that he keeps dropping her. Dominic thinks Sabra has trust issues, which leads into a great montage of him dropping her repeatedly. This week they’ve got a Tony Meredith jive routine. There’s yet another lift. I hope Sabra has specific concussion insurance. Their dance is a lot of fun, but technically it was a little bit lacking. The lift seemed very stiff, but they looked like they were having fun. Maybe I was just ruined by Danny and Anya’s awesome first week jive. Who knows? Wade loves their 100% commitment and that they’re always having fun. He says absolutely nothing about the dance though. Mary thinks it was a great way to start the show, but that their kicks were a little problematic, but ends with that they were terrific. Nigel doesn’t think anyone could have anticipated their growth and that they have partnered so incredibly well. He then compliments both dancers separately. Cat makes another joke about Sabra getting dropped.
Jaimie and Hok: Jaimie loves that Hok looks Japanese and talks with a British accent, or, as Dominic would say, French. Hok loves Jaimie’s dog-like hair. Jaimie occasionally chokes on Hok’s braid. Hok doesn’t like being shorter than Jaimie when she’s in heels. Maybe he should wear heels as well then. They’ve got a Tyce Diorio Broadway routine, with Travis assisting. Tyce doesn’t want any effort shown. Without Hok, for me this dance would really seem like a bad amateur dance school performance to me. Jamie just kind of twirls around and lifts her leg and jumps. Hok seemingly has to do all the heavy lifting. Thankfully he can. Wade thinks that the past few weeks Jaimie has come alive and that she’s an elegant dancer. Wade talks more about the characters (which he doesn’t think they did) and completely doesn’t talk about the dance. Mary didn’t like it and thinks Hok didn’t make any connection, but she thought that Jamie stood out. Nigel thinks Jaimie’s lines are still incredible, and that Tyce played well to their strengths (Jaimie’s lines and Hok’s lack of technique). He calls it “Much Ado About Nothing”, continuing with tonight’s British-isms. Wade interjects again, but still neglects to talk about the dance, instead just talking about Hok.
Pasha and Sara: Sara is glad that Pasha has the best partnering skills for guys. Pasha likes that Sara’s strong. Sara doesn’t like that Pasha is girlier than she is. Pasha doesn’t like that Sara told everyone that Pasha’s girlier than her. They’ve got a Mandy Moore jazz routine. Mandy Moore loves Jazz Hands and heavily incorporates them into the routine. Their Jazz routine is a lot of fun with suspenders snapping and Sara getting controlled. They synch together well, and they have pretty darn good chemistry for having danced together for only two weeks. Wade likes the number and finally possibly comments on the dance itself, mentioning something about lines. He also loved what they were able to do for being out of their element. Mary thinks they did a great job, and that they had a great feel at times. She’s not sure if they’ll stay out of danger though. Nigel thinks they only maybe got emotions across to the audience but he still complements them for doing the routine. Nigel says that they’re critiquing them at a level never before reached on the show. I say that there have only been 3 seasons so far, and the first one doesn’t really count.
Lauren and Neil: Lauren likes that Neil is attractive. Neil calls Lauren a very good-looking guy. Freudian slip or bad joke? You decide. Lauren doesn’t like Neil’s jokes though. Neil doesn’t like that Lauren doesn’t laugh at his jokes. Oh you two, quit making funnies. Or not so funnies. They’ve got a Mia Michaels contemporary routine, the lucky bastards. They’re apparently very bruised. Mia thinks they’ll pull it off. The routine is awesome, but then again, it’s Mia Michaels. They get off beat from one another occasionally, but they things that they hit they hit really well. It’s the best routine I’ve seen them do though. Wade loved the choreography and thinks that Neil, like Jaimie, has come alive recently. He also thinks their musicality is much improved from the past and that they executed it well. Mary liked it, but couldn’t feel their expression due to wardrobe. Mary thought that it wasn’t great though, it was just really good. Nigel didn’t fully understand it, but he doesn’t think you needed to. He’s not sure he enjoyed it either, but he doesn’t chalk it up to their technical moves. Cat asks them what the story is. Lauren basically tries to make something up, but its clear that they have no idea either. Mia looks like she’s not even entirely sure.
Anya and Danny: Danny likes Anya’s crazy dance for your life clothes. Anya likes that Danny’s attractive. Danny doesn’t like that Anya is a tough chick who bullies himself. Anya doesn’t like that Danny lacks attention. They’ve got a Jean-Marc Genereaux Foxtrot routine. Anya hurt her ankle last week, which makes all the jumps this week hard. It’s certainly the most fun foxtrot I’ve ever seen. They glide about, move and leap elegantly, and they yet again prove why they’re a force to be reckoned with. Also of note, they seem to connect to the audience better than they have before. Wade reveals that he had a speech prepared about Danny but he has to scrap it because he now believes in him and he moves like a gazelle. Wade, however, in telling us that he scrapped the speech, gives us the speech. He also calls Anya beautiful and graceful. Mary reiterates her love for Danny and Anya and their leaping and partnering and movement was all fabulous. Mary actually says, “C’mon, this was fantastic.” Then, they get a Mary Murphy scream and get upgraded to first class of the Hot Tamale train. Nigel calls it the best foxtrot he’s ever seen on the stage. Nigel takes a crack at Dancing With The Stars saying that the stars are on stage here. Oh Nigel.
Lacey and Kameron: Kameron’s glad that Lacey’s good at partnering. Lacey likes that Kameron’s attractive. Kameron doesn’t like that Lacey’s hair can get smelly. Lacey doesn’t like that Kameron sweats a lot. They’ve got a Dan Karaty hip-hop routine. It’s a gender reversed hip-hop chase number. It’s fun, but I’ve seen better hip-hop numbers. Lacey is the one who shines here with Kameron not really able to carry the dance on his own. Wade thinks that Kameron dances heavy and that they lacked strong musicality. Wade threatens to slap the audience when they start to boo. He also thinks Lacey’s a great performer, but thinks it’s more professional than personal and that they came across as slightly one-dimensional. Mary doesn’t like that Kameron left Lacey at the end, and thinks that it was good, but they maybe didn’t hit it hard enough. She calls it a mixed bag. Nigel doesn’t think that Kameron proved he’s more than a prop but points out that they’ve never been in the bottom three. He says that they kind of deserve to be there last week.
At the end of the hour, we’re reminded that this is he last week that the judges have any say in. Nigel pats himself on the back for believing in his own show and congratulates the top 20 saying they all did great. Everyone dance’s their way out, and Cat somehow manages to get suckered into dancing with Anya. I’m not sure who to feel bad for.
The Top 3: Danny and Anya's foxtrot was pretty darn fantastic. As much as I don't want them here, Lauren and Neil's contemporary was good as well, thanks to some fantastic Mia Michaels choreography. The last spot I guess belongs to Pasha and Sara, although Sabra and Dominic are close.
The Bottom 3: Sabra and Dominic are here by default. They were really good. Lacey and Kameron were good, but they weren't great. Hok and Jaimie are the ones who really deserve to be here.
Sabra and Dominic: Sabra loves that Dominic is really funny. Dominic loves that they always have chemistry. Her problem with his that he keeps dropping her. Dominic thinks Sabra has trust issues, which leads into a great montage of him dropping her repeatedly. This week they’ve got a Tony Meredith jive routine. There’s yet another lift. I hope Sabra has specific concussion insurance. Their dance is a lot of fun, but technically it was a little bit lacking. The lift seemed very stiff, but they looked like they were having fun. Maybe I was just ruined by Danny and Anya’s awesome first week jive. Who knows? Wade loves their 100% commitment and that they’re always having fun. He says absolutely nothing about the dance though. Mary thinks it was a great way to start the show, but that their kicks were a little problematic, but ends with that they were terrific. Nigel doesn’t think anyone could have anticipated their growth and that they have partnered so incredibly well. He then compliments both dancers separately. Cat makes another joke about Sabra getting dropped.
Jaimie and Hok: Jaimie loves that Hok looks Japanese and talks with a British accent, or, as Dominic would say, French. Hok loves Jaimie’s dog-like hair. Jaimie occasionally chokes on Hok’s braid. Hok doesn’t like being shorter than Jaimie when she’s in heels. Maybe he should wear heels as well then. They’ve got a Tyce Diorio Broadway routine, with Travis assisting. Tyce doesn’t want any effort shown. Without Hok, for me this dance would really seem like a bad amateur dance school performance to me. Jamie just kind of twirls around and lifts her leg and jumps. Hok seemingly has to do all the heavy lifting. Thankfully he can. Wade thinks that the past few weeks Jaimie has come alive and that she’s an elegant dancer. Wade talks more about the characters (which he doesn’t think they did) and completely doesn’t talk about the dance. Mary didn’t like it and thinks Hok didn’t make any connection, but she thought that Jamie stood out. Nigel thinks Jaimie’s lines are still incredible, and that Tyce played well to their strengths (Jaimie’s lines and Hok’s lack of technique). He calls it “Much Ado About Nothing”, continuing with tonight’s British-isms. Wade interjects again, but still neglects to talk about the dance, instead just talking about Hok.
Pasha and Sara: Sara is glad that Pasha has the best partnering skills for guys. Pasha likes that Sara’s strong. Sara doesn’t like that Pasha is girlier than she is. Pasha doesn’t like that Sara told everyone that Pasha’s girlier than her. They’ve got a Mandy Moore jazz routine. Mandy Moore loves Jazz Hands and heavily incorporates them into the routine. Their Jazz routine is a lot of fun with suspenders snapping and Sara getting controlled. They synch together well, and they have pretty darn good chemistry for having danced together for only two weeks. Wade likes the number and finally possibly comments on the dance itself, mentioning something about lines. He also loved what they were able to do for being out of their element. Mary thinks they did a great job, and that they had a great feel at times. She’s not sure if they’ll stay out of danger though. Nigel thinks they only maybe got emotions across to the audience but he still complements them for doing the routine. Nigel says that they’re critiquing them at a level never before reached on the show. I say that there have only been 3 seasons so far, and the first one doesn’t really count.
Lauren and Neil: Lauren likes that Neil is attractive. Neil calls Lauren a very good-looking guy. Freudian slip or bad joke? You decide. Lauren doesn’t like Neil’s jokes though. Neil doesn’t like that Lauren doesn’t laugh at his jokes. Oh you two, quit making funnies. Or not so funnies. They’ve got a Mia Michaels contemporary routine, the lucky bastards. They’re apparently very bruised. Mia thinks they’ll pull it off. The routine is awesome, but then again, it’s Mia Michaels. They get off beat from one another occasionally, but they things that they hit they hit really well. It’s the best routine I’ve seen them do though. Wade loved the choreography and thinks that Neil, like Jaimie, has come alive recently. He also thinks their musicality is much improved from the past and that they executed it well. Mary liked it, but couldn’t feel their expression due to wardrobe. Mary thought that it wasn’t great though, it was just really good. Nigel didn’t fully understand it, but he doesn’t think you needed to. He’s not sure he enjoyed it either, but he doesn’t chalk it up to their technical moves. Cat asks them what the story is. Lauren basically tries to make something up, but its clear that they have no idea either. Mia looks like she’s not even entirely sure.
Anya and Danny: Danny likes Anya’s crazy dance for your life clothes. Anya likes that Danny’s attractive. Danny doesn’t like that Anya is a tough chick who bullies himself. Anya doesn’t like that Danny lacks attention. They’ve got a Jean-Marc Genereaux Foxtrot routine. Anya hurt her ankle last week, which makes all the jumps this week hard. It’s certainly the most fun foxtrot I’ve ever seen. They glide about, move and leap elegantly, and they yet again prove why they’re a force to be reckoned with. Also of note, they seem to connect to the audience better than they have before. Wade reveals that he had a speech prepared about Danny but he has to scrap it because he now believes in him and he moves like a gazelle. Wade, however, in telling us that he scrapped the speech, gives us the speech. He also calls Anya beautiful and graceful. Mary reiterates her love for Danny and Anya and their leaping and partnering and movement was all fabulous. Mary actually says, “C’mon, this was fantastic.” Then, they get a Mary Murphy scream and get upgraded to first class of the Hot Tamale train. Nigel calls it the best foxtrot he’s ever seen on the stage. Nigel takes a crack at Dancing With The Stars saying that the stars are on stage here. Oh Nigel.
Lacey and Kameron: Kameron’s glad that Lacey’s good at partnering. Lacey likes that Kameron’s attractive. Kameron doesn’t like that Lacey’s hair can get smelly. Lacey doesn’t like that Kameron sweats a lot. They’ve got a Dan Karaty hip-hop routine. It’s a gender reversed hip-hop chase number. It’s fun, but I’ve seen better hip-hop numbers. Lacey is the one who shines here with Kameron not really able to carry the dance on his own. Wade thinks that Kameron dances heavy and that they lacked strong musicality. Wade threatens to slap the audience when they start to boo. He also thinks Lacey’s a great performer, but thinks it’s more professional than personal and that they came across as slightly one-dimensional. Mary doesn’t like that Kameron left Lacey at the end, and thinks that it was good, but they maybe didn’t hit it hard enough. She calls it a mixed bag. Nigel doesn’t think that Kameron proved he’s more than a prop but points out that they’ve never been in the bottom three. He says that they kind of deserve to be there last week.
At the end of the hour, we’re reminded that this is he last week that the judges have any say in. Nigel pats himself on the back for believing in his own show and congratulates the top 20 saying they all did great. Everyone dance’s their way out, and Cat somehow manages to get suckered into dancing with Anya. I’m not sure who to feel bad for.
The Top 3: Danny and Anya's foxtrot was pretty darn fantastic. As much as I don't want them here, Lauren and Neil's contemporary was good as well, thanks to some fantastic Mia Michaels choreography. The last spot I guess belongs to Pasha and Sara, although Sabra and Dominic are close.
The Bottom 3: Sabra and Dominic are here by default. They were really good. Lacey and Kameron were good, but they weren't great. Hok and Jaimie are the ones who really deserve to be here.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Pirate Master 7/17. Will Someone Please Mutiny? Please? Pretty Please? With Fake Treasure On Top?
It’s time for yet another long, pointless Pirate Master recap. We get it: The triad was strong, Laurel doesn’t like the captain, Kendra’s useless. Mutiny was bandied about but failed. Will a freakin mutiny card ever get played? I doubt it. Joe Don was cut adrift. When we come back, everyone is walking back into the ship. The more I watch this show, the more I think everyone is drunk on rum all the time. They all seem to be stumbling on their words a lot more. Jay confronts Kendra about going back on her word. Everyone keeps bemoaning that they need to break the power up. Fine. Then mutiny. Or throw the freaking task. Quit bitching about it and not doing anything.
Apparently, the Ocean is a little rougher, meaning a few people are sick. But it’s expedition time. Host Not Jeff Probst opens the compartment himself (Ooh!). This week it’s the navigators treasure and it’s gonna take place on the River of Death. Not Jeff Probst whistles, causing everyone to go frantic and flip their heads to and fro, just in time to catch the ghosts of those cut adrift climbing back on board. Today is winner takes all, and if the ghost crew wins, they decide who gets black spotted. Not Jeff Probst fires the gun and they’re off. First, they have to find a coffin with a riddle. The riddle, it turns out is on the coffin door, so both crews desecrate the fake coffin and take to coffin doors. They need to look for a key hanging on the side of the river, along with a sabotage point. The ghost crew gets sabotaged, but scientist/exotic dancer John climbs a vine and pulls it down quickly. He was funny. I wish he was still on. Azmyth can’t work their compass right, allowing ghost crew to catch up. But John lost their key. Uh oh. But it turns out black crew may have gone the wrong way. This is like a battle of the idiots here. Jupiter points out that they’re probably going the wrong way. The ghosts are making great time until they realize they’ve lost the key. Hoo boy. This is gonna be a long challenge.
We’re back to Idiots v. Idiots, with the ghost crew searching for their key and the black crew searching for any direction. The ghost crew quickly finds the location of the key, but the key itself is still missing. The black crew is freaking out. Little do they know that the Tweedle-Dees are just as screwed. They get to the cemetery quickly though, and find the last clue to the location. Everyone pretty much hates John. Joe Don contemplates drowning John. But there’s no time for that, because the black crew has found the treasure. The ghost crew looks incredibly disappointed, as they should. Not Jeff Probst asks them what went wrong, and then forces them to disappear again. It’s a big payday for our pirates, with the treasure hitting 50 grand. Azmyth opts not to change his officers again. Big surprise. Back on the ship, Nessa and Louie are plotting mutiny. About time. Nessa brings it up to Jay, who seems to possibly bite at the idea, since he’s gonna have to get rid of Azmyth down the line. Could tonight’s Pirate Master finally bring some mutinous drama? I’ll believe it when I see it.
Jupiter is, apparently, not mutinous. Which she very stupidly tells Laurel, who seems to pick up on Jupiter’s. Jupiter, while eating dinner with everyone, basically tells Azmyth that everyone’s planning mutiny. Azmyth, in return, tells everyone that he’s been paying Jupiter more than them. Laurel pipes in. Nobody cares. Azmyth wonders whether, because she’s trying to warn him, it might be smart to cut Jupiter adrift. Wow. These people are truly idiots. They’re sure that Jupiter and Laurel are the ones getting the mutiny ball rolling. Jay calls Jupiter’s dinner table talk a stupid, stupid move. No, Jay, that’s what you’re doing. I don’t think Christa’s been on camera yet this episode. Is she still on the ship? They think Kendra is an easy person to black spot. They don’t like that Laurel talks back to them. They don’t like that Jupiter was trying to be their ally. These boys are such idiots. They don’t even show Christa when the spots are handed out. Seriously. Is she still there? Laurel threatens to pull all the fake dreads out of Azmyth’s head. Another question, when did Laurel become so cool. She wasn’t even there the first two episodes. Ness and Louie are plotting mutiny again. Nessa is happy that Jupiter’s plan backfired on her. Mutiny is being seriously bandied about. Could it actually happen?
It’s time for host Not Jeff Probst and Pirate’s court time. Wait, Christa was finally on screen. She’s still there. As is her cleavage. Good good. Kendra’s up because she sucks. Jupiter is up because Azmyth is an idiot and doesn’t realize an ally when they’re trying to protect him. Laurel is up because she doesn’t like the Triad. Laurel doesn’t think she has an attitude to but Azmyth. He tries to interrupt her but she promptly shuts him up and shuts him down by showing that he‘s no different than the rest of the crew. Christa finally speaks. Kendra should stay because she likes the experience and doesn’t give up. Jupiter’s pissed and reiterates that she wouldn’t mutiny, basically meaning, “Azmyth, you’re an humongous idiot douche.” Azmyth defends his captainship by saying that he’s winning and has two strong guys with him. No Azmyth, you’re trying to STOP mutiny. There are only 3 votes this week. But before they’re revealed, the pardon goes to Kendra with a bid of 4 grand. But she didn’t need it because she didn’t get any votes. Laurel is safe as well, meaning its Jupiter or Mutiny. But, of course, there’s no mutiny, because everyone is too chicken to mutiny. So Jupiter is cut adrift with 3 votes. She meditates as she floats away, and laments Azmyth’s change that came with power.
Next week all the pirates get drunk, Jay sets his sights on Christa (Creepy much), and Azmyth regrets going after his ally. As he should.
Apparently, the Ocean is a little rougher, meaning a few people are sick. But it’s expedition time. Host Not Jeff Probst opens the compartment himself (Ooh!). This week it’s the navigators treasure and it’s gonna take place on the River of Death. Not Jeff Probst whistles, causing everyone to go frantic and flip their heads to and fro, just in time to catch the ghosts of those cut adrift climbing back on board. Today is winner takes all, and if the ghost crew wins, they decide who gets black spotted. Not Jeff Probst fires the gun and they’re off. First, they have to find a coffin with a riddle. The riddle, it turns out is on the coffin door, so both crews desecrate the fake coffin and take to coffin doors. They need to look for a key hanging on the side of the river, along with a sabotage point. The ghost crew gets sabotaged, but scientist/exotic dancer John climbs a vine and pulls it down quickly. He was funny. I wish he was still on. Azmyth can’t work their compass right, allowing ghost crew to catch up. But John lost their key. Uh oh. But it turns out black crew may have gone the wrong way. This is like a battle of the idiots here. Jupiter points out that they’re probably going the wrong way. The ghosts are making great time until they realize they’ve lost the key. Hoo boy. This is gonna be a long challenge.
We’re back to Idiots v. Idiots, with the ghost crew searching for their key and the black crew searching for any direction. The ghost crew quickly finds the location of the key, but the key itself is still missing. The black crew is freaking out. Little do they know that the Tweedle-Dees are just as screwed. They get to the cemetery quickly though, and find the last clue to the location. Everyone pretty much hates John. Joe Don contemplates drowning John. But there’s no time for that, because the black crew has found the treasure. The ghost crew looks incredibly disappointed, as they should. Not Jeff Probst asks them what went wrong, and then forces them to disappear again. It’s a big payday for our pirates, with the treasure hitting 50 grand. Azmyth opts not to change his officers again. Big surprise. Back on the ship, Nessa and Louie are plotting mutiny. About time. Nessa brings it up to Jay, who seems to possibly bite at the idea, since he’s gonna have to get rid of Azmyth down the line. Could tonight’s Pirate Master finally bring some mutinous drama? I’ll believe it when I see it.
Jupiter is, apparently, not mutinous. Which she very stupidly tells Laurel, who seems to pick up on Jupiter’s. Jupiter, while eating dinner with everyone, basically tells Azmyth that everyone’s planning mutiny. Azmyth, in return, tells everyone that he’s been paying Jupiter more than them. Laurel pipes in. Nobody cares. Azmyth wonders whether, because she’s trying to warn him, it might be smart to cut Jupiter adrift. Wow. These people are truly idiots. They’re sure that Jupiter and Laurel are the ones getting the mutiny ball rolling. Jay calls Jupiter’s dinner table talk a stupid, stupid move. No, Jay, that’s what you’re doing. I don’t think Christa’s been on camera yet this episode. Is she still on the ship? They think Kendra is an easy person to black spot. They don’t like that Laurel talks back to them. They don’t like that Jupiter was trying to be their ally. These boys are such idiots. They don’t even show Christa when the spots are handed out. Seriously. Is she still there? Laurel threatens to pull all the fake dreads out of Azmyth’s head. Another question, when did Laurel become so cool. She wasn’t even there the first two episodes. Ness and Louie are plotting mutiny again. Nessa is happy that Jupiter’s plan backfired on her. Mutiny is being seriously bandied about. Could it actually happen?
It’s time for host Not Jeff Probst and Pirate’s court time. Wait, Christa was finally on screen. She’s still there. As is her cleavage. Good good. Kendra’s up because she sucks. Jupiter is up because Azmyth is an idiot and doesn’t realize an ally when they’re trying to protect him. Laurel is up because she doesn’t like the Triad. Laurel doesn’t think she has an attitude to but Azmyth. He tries to interrupt her but she promptly shuts him up and shuts him down by showing that he‘s no different than the rest of the crew. Christa finally speaks. Kendra should stay because she likes the experience and doesn’t give up. Jupiter’s pissed and reiterates that she wouldn’t mutiny, basically meaning, “Azmyth, you’re an humongous idiot douche.” Azmyth defends his captainship by saying that he’s winning and has two strong guys with him. No Azmyth, you’re trying to STOP mutiny. There are only 3 votes this week. But before they’re revealed, the pardon goes to Kendra with a bid of 4 grand. But she didn’t need it because she didn’t get any votes. Laurel is safe as well, meaning its Jupiter or Mutiny. But, of course, there’s no mutiny, because everyone is too chicken to mutiny. So Jupiter is cut adrift with 3 votes. She meditates as she floats away, and laments Azmyth’s change that came with power.
Next week all the pirates get drunk, Jay sets his sights on Christa (Creepy much), and Azmyth regrets going after his ally. As he should.
Big Brother 7/17 or "How Jen Proved That She Does Indeed Know Chilltown"
In our recap, we get reminders of Jen winning HOH, Nick being incredibly cheesy, Jen being melodramatic and unstable. Now, before starting this recap, I want to express something. Jen is my favorite houseguest. Hand’s down. After the opening credits, we learn that the house actually exists in an odd two-color palate during nomination ceremonies. Once it’s done, however, we’re back to color. Everyone reiterates the real reason for the nominations. Jen says, and I quote “I hope to crush people’s dreams.” This is why I love Jen. She’s freaking hilarious. Amber is crying about the nominations. Again. She wasn’t even nominated this time! C’mon God. Get Amber under control. Nick’s porn-star ‘stache is coming in nice and creepily. Dick isn’t upset about being nominated, but he is upset that he possibly won’t have as much time with Danielle as possible. Nick meanwhile, is revealing the entire Mrs. Robinson alliance to Danielle. Nick doesn’t trust those guys any more, but he trusts Danielle enough to reveal his alliance. Thus, proving himself untrustworthy. Ah, BB8 logic. Sometimes, it’s so hard you’d think you’d need to be a Jensa member to understand it. Danielle, meanwhile, learns that Nick is untrustworthy, so decides to divulge her age secret, but threatens to stab him in his sleep if he tells anyone. Zach is worried that Nick may be playing multiple sides. Zach thinks that if someone defects, the group falls. Yes, the three remaining ones cannot stand. Just like a table. Only tables with 3 legs can totally stand. On a completely different note, I wonder if when Jen goes to the bathroom she goes to the Jen’s room?
When we come back, it’s time for our America’s Choice. Eric has to sleepwalk into Joe’s bed. Eric is clearly flummoxed to be in Joe’s bed. Eric seems to be taking it all in stride, but he still fails in his task because he doesn’t wait until Joe kicks him out. Joe and Eric discuss it in the shower, and Eric denies, denies, denies. It’s time to pick veto players, and Jen manages to botch the very simple speech. Jen gets to pick and chooses Mike. Dani picks Joe and Dick picks Amber. Dustin is chosen to host, and next we see him and Amber pow wowing in the weight room. And yes, Amber is crying. Again. Seriously, I would hate to be with this woman at a funeral. Or a sad movie. Or any time. Ever. Jen comes in and tells Amber not to undo her nominations because then she might have to put up someone like Dustin, Amber’s biggest ally. I’m serious. Jen is freakin’ brilliant. She’s BLACKMAILING houseguests. That takes balls. Kudos Jen. Chilltown has taught you well. She tries the same thing on Joe. Doesn’t work quite as well though. Danielle confronts Jen about making Amber cry (although, this is a fairly easy task (I’m guessing she probably cries if she gets a bill in the mail), I see where she’s coming from) and Joe stands up as well and fights back. Pretty soon, shit is going down. Mike tries to back Jen up, Joe goes after Mike. Zach says that Amber’s a very emotional person in general. Out of nowhere, Jameka pops in to tell Zach that she thinks it’s more empathetic than emotional (believe me Jameka, as much as I like you, you’re wrong on this one). Zach snipes back that it’s nice that she’s finally talking to him. Aha! I was wondering if the show was ever going to mention the allegations of racism against Zach by Jameka. I’m guessing this is the result of that. Jameka walks away and Dick sees this as yet another opening to antagonize Jen, who takes it all in stride again. Jen then goes to apologize to Amber (who is surprisingly not crying), but Dick comes in and starts yelling at Jen again. Danielle walks in and walks out very quickly, most likely trying to avoid any rising floodwaters of possible Amber tears. Jen apologizes and leaves quickly, saying, “Oh Evil, you’re my best friend.” Seriously, I don’t get how the viewers can dislike Jen. She’s hilarious. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s favorite Italian city is Jenoa?
Veto time. It’s cutthroat Christmas. It’s a complicated game that mixes curling and Yankee trader. Joe is the first person eliminated and he picks a slop pass. Jen is out next. Jen is a good sport about having to wear a red unitard for the rest of the week. Mike is next out, and gets a Big Brother date. Dick is out next and wins a plasma TV. Amber is in the final round and is surprisingly NOT crying. Amber clearly throws the competition and wins the fun task of being handcuffed to another houseguest. Danielle wins the power of veto for the second straight week. Jen looks emotionless, but that may be because she has sunglasses on. She says she’s not sure what she’s going to do. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen has ever worked at a Jentlemen’s club (that’s a strip joint, for all of you who don’t know)?
Jen’s spanking new red unitard is fully embraced. She loves it and the fact that it exposes everything. We then get treated to a segment on Amber and Kail’s bondage. Amber thinks the experience will be a good one, because they’ll get to experience each other’s friends and totally bond as moms. Because last week that was working so well for you last week Amber. Keep playing the Mom card. Kail, meanwhile, looks like she’d rather be handcuffed to Jen. I don’t blame her. You don’t have to fear drowning with Jen. Just hilarity and being stabbed in your sleep. Eric tries again to get Jessica nominated. Jen just shuts him down. Completely and totally. Repeatedly. Over and Over again. It’s actually pretty funny to watch. At the end, Jen gets off the hammock which causes Eric to fall out. Seriously, my love for Jen just grows and grows. Nick is still playing the Mrs. Robinson alliance and getting them to work on getting Joe nominated. Zach works Jen hard, and Jen buys into it. Zach apparently has a master plan, and is feeding Jen breadcrumbs. Wouldn’t that make you a witch who eats children Zach? Just wondering. Jen doesn’t want to put up the person who everyone keeps telling her to put up. But everyone keeps pitching Joe. So she walks out of the HOH room. Jen decides to wander down to where Dani and Nick are flirting. She stands there for a few minutes, shoots daggers at them, and walks back upstairs to announce that Nick is whom she’s going to put up. Everyone looks so fed up. I love it. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen worked on the Human Jenome Project?
Danielle is clearly going to use the power of veto. But she doesn’t want to be the one who gets her dad out of the house. So the real drama is in whom Jen is going to put up. Danielle decides that this week is a harder decision than last week. Whatever you say Danielle, but I doubt that. Danielle trips over her words and eventually takes herself off the block. Big surprise. It’s Jen’s turn for drama. She says that her speech made it clear that Danielle has a “sweetness somewhere inside that I didn’t see before” She nominates Joe as the replacement, so that the house doesn’t get manipulated. Joe threatens Jen. Wow, that’s like becoming the house pastime, threatening Jen. Jen realizes Joe is big manipulative threat. We get to vote on whom we want Eric to get evicted. I’m voting for Joe. Dick is the second best houseguest there, right behind Jen. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s door has a sign that says Jentrance over it? These Jen-puns weren’t as good as last time. I’m sorry. I was a little distracted while writing this. My apartment is flooding. I think Amber may be hiding in one of the rooms crying. I’m gonna go investigate…
When we come back, it’s time for our America’s Choice. Eric has to sleepwalk into Joe’s bed. Eric is clearly flummoxed to be in Joe’s bed. Eric seems to be taking it all in stride, but he still fails in his task because he doesn’t wait until Joe kicks him out. Joe and Eric discuss it in the shower, and Eric denies, denies, denies. It’s time to pick veto players, and Jen manages to botch the very simple speech. Jen gets to pick and chooses Mike. Dani picks Joe and Dick picks Amber. Dustin is chosen to host, and next we see him and Amber pow wowing in the weight room. And yes, Amber is crying. Again. Seriously, I would hate to be with this woman at a funeral. Or a sad movie. Or any time. Ever. Jen comes in and tells Amber not to undo her nominations because then she might have to put up someone like Dustin, Amber’s biggest ally. I’m serious. Jen is freakin’ brilliant. She’s BLACKMAILING houseguests. That takes balls. Kudos Jen. Chilltown has taught you well. She tries the same thing on Joe. Doesn’t work quite as well though. Danielle confronts Jen about making Amber cry (although, this is a fairly easy task (I’m guessing she probably cries if she gets a bill in the mail), I see where she’s coming from) and Joe stands up as well and fights back. Pretty soon, shit is going down. Mike tries to back Jen up, Joe goes after Mike. Zach says that Amber’s a very emotional person in general. Out of nowhere, Jameka pops in to tell Zach that she thinks it’s more empathetic than emotional (believe me Jameka, as much as I like you, you’re wrong on this one). Zach snipes back that it’s nice that she’s finally talking to him. Aha! I was wondering if the show was ever going to mention the allegations of racism against Zach by Jameka. I’m guessing this is the result of that. Jameka walks away and Dick sees this as yet another opening to antagonize Jen, who takes it all in stride again. Jen then goes to apologize to Amber (who is surprisingly not crying), but Dick comes in and starts yelling at Jen again. Danielle walks in and walks out very quickly, most likely trying to avoid any rising floodwaters of possible Amber tears. Jen apologizes and leaves quickly, saying, “Oh Evil, you’re my best friend.” Seriously, I don’t get how the viewers can dislike Jen. She’s hilarious. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s favorite Italian city is Jenoa?
Veto time. It’s cutthroat Christmas. It’s a complicated game that mixes curling and Yankee trader. Joe is the first person eliminated and he picks a slop pass. Jen is out next. Jen is a good sport about having to wear a red unitard for the rest of the week. Mike is next out, and gets a Big Brother date. Dick is out next and wins a plasma TV. Amber is in the final round and is surprisingly NOT crying. Amber clearly throws the competition and wins the fun task of being handcuffed to another houseguest. Danielle wins the power of veto for the second straight week. Jen looks emotionless, but that may be because she has sunglasses on. She says she’s not sure what she’s going to do. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen has ever worked at a Jentlemen’s club (that’s a strip joint, for all of you who don’t know)?
Jen’s spanking new red unitard is fully embraced. She loves it and the fact that it exposes everything. We then get treated to a segment on Amber and Kail’s bondage. Amber thinks the experience will be a good one, because they’ll get to experience each other’s friends and totally bond as moms. Because last week that was working so well for you last week Amber. Keep playing the Mom card. Kail, meanwhile, looks like she’d rather be handcuffed to Jen. I don’t blame her. You don’t have to fear drowning with Jen. Just hilarity and being stabbed in your sleep. Eric tries again to get Jessica nominated. Jen just shuts him down. Completely and totally. Repeatedly. Over and Over again. It’s actually pretty funny to watch. At the end, Jen gets off the hammock which causes Eric to fall out. Seriously, my love for Jen just grows and grows. Nick is still playing the Mrs. Robinson alliance and getting them to work on getting Joe nominated. Zach works Jen hard, and Jen buys into it. Zach apparently has a master plan, and is feeding Jen breadcrumbs. Wouldn’t that make you a witch who eats children Zach? Just wondering. Jen doesn’t want to put up the person who everyone keeps telling her to put up. But everyone keeps pitching Joe. So she walks out of the HOH room. Jen decides to wander down to where Dani and Nick are flirting. She stands there for a few minutes, shoots daggers at them, and walks back upstairs to announce that Nick is whom she’s going to put up. Everyone looks so fed up. I love it. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen worked on the Human Jenome Project?
Danielle is clearly going to use the power of veto. But she doesn’t want to be the one who gets her dad out of the house. So the real drama is in whom Jen is going to put up. Danielle decides that this week is a harder decision than last week. Whatever you say Danielle, but I doubt that. Danielle trips over her words and eventually takes herself off the block. Big surprise. It’s Jen’s turn for drama. She says that her speech made it clear that Danielle has a “sweetness somewhere inside that I didn’t see before” She nominates Joe as the replacement, so that the house doesn’t get manipulated. Joe threatens Jen. Wow, that’s like becoming the house pastime, threatening Jen. Jen realizes Joe is big manipulative threat. We get to vote on whom we want Eric to get evicted. I’m voting for Joe. Dick is the second best houseguest there, right behind Jen. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s door has a sign that says Jentrance over it? These Jen-puns weren’t as good as last time. I’m sorry. I was a little distracted while writing this. My apartment is flooding. I think Amber may be hiding in one of the rooms crying. I’m gonna go investigate…
On The Lot 7/17. Adrianna Costa Gets Some Action
Tonight, we’re told to expect “thrills and spills” from On The Lot. I hope that the thrill is that Adrianna is no longer hosting and that the spill is that the Carrie and Garry both were involved in toxic waste spills, and are therefore no longer able to judge. But, alas, Adrianna is back, wearing sequined garbage bad. She actually pulls it off (I mean, manages the outfit, not removes it. That would make this episode much improved. No luck though). Alas, Carrie and Garry are also both back. But first, to dispatch our two directors. Hillary realizes you now need to make great films, not just good films. If only Hillary could achieve either. Adam doesn’t think anyone should feel safe. Adrianna comes back alone again this week. The first director cut is Shalini. I liked her last movie. But she wasn’t going to win. The second director cut is Hillary, cutting the last female director (how Hillary was the last female director is beyond me). She shouldn’t have made it this far. So no big loss. But somehow, Kenny Luby is in the final 8. America, you beguile me. Apparently, Carrie and Garry are triple threats. Whatever you say Adrianna. Our guest judge this week is Antoine Fuqua who made the awesome Training Day. But he also made the abysmal King Arthur.
Sam is up first this week, with his movie “Key Witness”. I really wanted to like it. I wanted to. I think Sam is talented. But there was something fundamentally missing to it I thought. Yeah, it was well shot and everything, but there wasn’t enough inciting action to make me interested in all the running. It was just kind of a lot of running, because the gunfire was horribly unrealistic. I will say, however, that I liked the trick ending with the key. Carrie thought the action was good but it overwhelmed the story and that he could have done better. Antoine thought it was good but was a little bit of style over substance, and that he missed some good moments for humor. Gary has a soft chair and buys his locks from JC Penney.
Adrianna fawns over Antoine and who he’s worked with. Jason is up next doing an action comedy that’s heavier on the comedy. His short, “Sweet”, was mildly funny and lacking action. The conceit was clever enough (everyday action), but the visual style with the staccato editing and still shots was really aggravating. That being said, it’s probably his best movie so far. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Carrie announces that this is her favorite movie of his so far as well. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Antoine loved it, especially that he focused on the character. Garry likes love action. CREEPY.
Adrianna likes romance, so she’s pleased to know next week is romantic comedies. Andrew is up next, and basically announces that his film is nothing more than a big car chase. At least he’s honest. If Andrew is to fail, he wants to fail big. Admirable, Andrew. Admirable. His short, “Zero2Sixty” definitely falls closed to the zero than the sixty for me. The car chase was mildly entertaining, but I found the main character to be so incredibly aggravating that I was hoping the FBI agent would push him out of the car and drive over him. And the ending was so corny and unfunny, not to mention that the FBI agent would never be able to use that money. It’s evidence. Way to botch the facts Andrew. I mean, you had your facts straight the first week. You got the Alien barfing look perfectly. But you couldn’t abide by normal chain of evidence rules? Also, Andrew, could your Ford product placement have been any more blatant. Well, at least Ford wasn’t in your title. Carrie thought he did a really good job and it was an inventive idea. Antoine thought he did a good job but that it maybe veered too much into action-comedy but that it was really well cast. Garry Marshall gets passed by school buses and wants Andrew and Jason to change hats. Speaking of school buses, I’d be willing to bet that Garry Marshall rode the short bus. Any takers?
Adrianna starts talking to the actors. They all look glad to be onscreen but mildly uncomfortable to have been a part of this show. Kenny is making a skateboarding action movie this week. Now, Kenny started off making skateboard movies, so this is the first time I’ve ever been mildly excited for a Kenny Luby production. His short, “The Losers” is, and I’m shocked to be typing this, half-decent. Well, wait. Let me amend that. It’s half decent once the action starts. Kenny’s filming of the skateboarding scenes is really really good. I can finally see why he was accepted into this competition. However, the rest of the movie is terrible. Poorly acted, poorly shot, poorly written. The biggest problem, however, is that it seems like 2 different movies stitched together. The skateboarding doesn’t mesh with the crappy other stuff. Oh, I forgot. Kenny, what the hell was the random shot of the talking lizard? Just wondering. Carrie thought Kenny has an awesome eye, but that he needs to develop ideas and story better than focusing on shooting. Antoine thought the geography was somewhat botched and that the visual style was a little all over the place. Garry finally admits that he’s absolutely bewildered and tells us that his neck has a kink in it.
Mateen is up last. This is the first time he’s ever done an action movie. He’s worried because of time and budgetary limitations. He shouldn’t be. His movie, “Catch”, blows everyone else’s out of the water tonight. He’s the only one to truly have a beginning, middle, and end, plus good action. The car hitting the guy on the bike looked awesome and the chase was more believable than anyone else’s. My only complaint would be that the inciting incident wasn’t enough to warrant that chase. Carrie thought he did a good job and that he executed it well. Antoine at first thought it was too much, but he re-evaluated and thought it was good. Garry wanted more bubbles with thinks like “pow” and “wham” in them and wants to see people run in heels. Why has Garry not been committed somewhere?
When we come back, we’re treated to another look at some of the stunts, and then we get to thank the stuntmen. We get to hear the judge’s favorites (Carrie liked Andrew’s, Antoine and Garry liked Jason’s), and learn again that next week is comedies with a romantic tinge.
My Top’s of the Night:
1)Mateen- Far and away the best of the night. The most convincing action, the least aggravating characters. A big success.
2)Kenny- Yes, Kenny. I was as shocked as you are. Granted, it was only good for about a minute of it, but that’s still a minute more than three of your competitors.
3)Sam- Sam’s was well shot, but it lacked any sort of rising motion. It was kind of just two people running.
4)Jason- A mildly clever conceit, poorly executed and acted.
5)Andrew- An Utterly hateable lead and an only mildly interesting car chase place Andrew at the bottom of the list tonight.
Sam is up first this week, with his movie “Key Witness”. I really wanted to like it. I wanted to. I think Sam is talented. But there was something fundamentally missing to it I thought. Yeah, it was well shot and everything, but there wasn’t enough inciting action to make me interested in all the running. It was just kind of a lot of running, because the gunfire was horribly unrealistic. I will say, however, that I liked the trick ending with the key. Carrie thought the action was good but it overwhelmed the story and that he could have done better. Antoine thought it was good but was a little bit of style over substance, and that he missed some good moments for humor. Gary has a soft chair and buys his locks from JC Penney.
Adrianna fawns over Antoine and who he’s worked with. Jason is up next doing an action comedy that’s heavier on the comedy. His short, “Sweet”, was mildly funny and lacking action. The conceit was clever enough (everyday action), but the visual style with the staccato editing and still shots was really aggravating. That being said, it’s probably his best movie so far. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Carrie announces that this is her favorite movie of his so far as well. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Antoine loved it, especially that he focused on the character. Garry likes love action. CREEPY.
Adrianna likes romance, so she’s pleased to know next week is romantic comedies. Andrew is up next, and basically announces that his film is nothing more than a big car chase. At least he’s honest. If Andrew is to fail, he wants to fail big. Admirable, Andrew. Admirable. His short, “Zero2Sixty” definitely falls closed to the zero than the sixty for me. The car chase was mildly entertaining, but I found the main character to be so incredibly aggravating that I was hoping the FBI agent would push him out of the car and drive over him. And the ending was so corny and unfunny, not to mention that the FBI agent would never be able to use that money. It’s evidence. Way to botch the facts Andrew. I mean, you had your facts straight the first week. You got the Alien barfing look perfectly. But you couldn’t abide by normal chain of evidence rules? Also, Andrew, could your Ford product placement have been any more blatant. Well, at least Ford wasn’t in your title. Carrie thought he did a really good job and it was an inventive idea. Antoine thought he did a good job but that it maybe veered too much into action-comedy but that it was really well cast. Garry Marshall gets passed by school buses and wants Andrew and Jason to change hats. Speaking of school buses, I’d be willing to bet that Garry Marshall rode the short bus. Any takers?
Adrianna starts talking to the actors. They all look glad to be onscreen but mildly uncomfortable to have been a part of this show. Kenny is making a skateboarding action movie this week. Now, Kenny started off making skateboard movies, so this is the first time I’ve ever been mildly excited for a Kenny Luby production. His short, “The Losers” is, and I’m shocked to be typing this, half-decent. Well, wait. Let me amend that. It’s half decent once the action starts. Kenny’s filming of the skateboarding scenes is really really good. I can finally see why he was accepted into this competition. However, the rest of the movie is terrible. Poorly acted, poorly shot, poorly written. The biggest problem, however, is that it seems like 2 different movies stitched together. The skateboarding doesn’t mesh with the crappy other stuff. Oh, I forgot. Kenny, what the hell was the random shot of the talking lizard? Just wondering. Carrie thought Kenny has an awesome eye, but that he needs to develop ideas and story better than focusing on shooting. Antoine thought the geography was somewhat botched and that the visual style was a little all over the place. Garry finally admits that he’s absolutely bewildered and tells us that his neck has a kink in it.
Mateen is up last. This is the first time he’s ever done an action movie. He’s worried because of time and budgetary limitations. He shouldn’t be. His movie, “Catch”, blows everyone else’s out of the water tonight. He’s the only one to truly have a beginning, middle, and end, plus good action. The car hitting the guy on the bike looked awesome and the chase was more believable than anyone else’s. My only complaint would be that the inciting incident wasn’t enough to warrant that chase. Carrie thought he did a good job and that he executed it well. Antoine at first thought it was too much, but he re-evaluated and thought it was good. Garry wanted more bubbles with thinks like “pow” and “wham” in them and wants to see people run in heels. Why has Garry not been committed somewhere?
When we come back, we’re treated to another look at some of the stunts, and then we get to thank the stuntmen. We get to hear the judge’s favorites (Carrie liked Andrew’s, Antoine and Garry liked Jason’s), and learn again that next week is comedies with a romantic tinge.
My Top’s of the Night:
1)Mateen- Far and away the best of the night. The most convincing action, the least aggravating characters. A big success.
2)Kenny- Yes, Kenny. I was as shocked as you are. Granted, it was only good for about a minute of it, but that’s still a minute more than three of your competitors.
3)Sam- Sam’s was well shot, but it lacked any sort of rising motion. It was kind of just two people running.
4)Jason- A mildly clever conceit, poorly executed and acted.
5)Andrew- An Utterly hateable lead and an only mildly interesting car chase place Andrew at the bottom of the list tonight.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
I Wanna Talk About John From Cincinatti
HBO's show "John From Cincinatti" is certainly a beguiling little show. Tonight's episode was revelatory (I think), and I wanted to share a few thoughts I had about John's "Sermon From The Motel":
The line: "Can I bone Kai, and Butchie know my father instead?" to me indicates that John is directly the Son of God. Maybe I'm just coming at this from an outsiders (i.e. non-Christian) perspective, but to me that indicated that John was possibly the second coming? I dunno.
That by the end of the speech, there were a large number of disparate groups of people all standing together. These are, I believe, supposed to be the places they are supposed to be in order to make their lives better. You had the core family (Butchie, Cissy, Mitch, Shaunie, and Tina); you had the core relationships (Butchie and Kai. Yes, I'm pretty sure Butchie was in two groups). Bill Jacks and the drug dealer. Barry's secret/problem was finally out in the open (the dead body). Abogado Dickstein (possibly the best way a lawyer has been referred to on TV in a while) was simultaneously with everyone and with his fiancée. By the end of the speech, Vietnam Joe was standing next to the vato who stabbed John, indicating that Vietnam Joe has to lose his anger and find peace in order to find enlightenment. Linc was forced to stand alone. The doctor also stood alone, stuck between his faith from Shaunie’s recovery and his scientific background. And John was in the center of it all, preaching messianically, with Cass near him. Which leads me to my next point.
I believe that that speech just made Cass the protagonist of the show. Because, arguably, what we saw is how the show is supposed to progress down the line, with those relationships solidifying. And John said that the vision would all be seen through Cass' camera. So wouldn't that make Cass the portal through which the viewer watches these people, i.e. making Cass the person with whom we assimilate and sympathize. Maybe I'm completely wrong though.
I also think that the speech made Linc Stark arguably the villain of the show, if it has one. Linc is the bad influence, the one who is driving apart the family that John wants to see together. He has worked to separate Mitch and Cissy. He, as recently as earlier in the episode, was paying Tina for sex. John’s line to Linc about getting back in the game to me seemed like a warning to stay away from the Yost family.
The staircase that appeared in the parking lot was indeed the staircase from Bill Jacks’ home, but I believe it was also supposed to represent the staircase to heaven. After all, in Bill Jacks’ home, it leads to where Bill Jacks’ wife was, who has now passed and gone to heaven. And there did seem to be an eerie glow to the top of that staircase.
The speech that began as bringing these people together ultimately, though, brought out John and his father’s fallibility. Ultimately, we’re not to see this as John sees this. We have to see it though Cass. And John repeatedly mentioned how things have deviated from “My Father’s” plan. Which ties in to why I agree with you that the sermon will be the Rosetta Stone for deciphering the entire show. These people are deviations from the plan. John has been sent to correct this. To bring all of these people back into the fold. And it is possible.
Finally, and, again, this may just be because I’m coming from it with an incomplete knowledge of Christianity, but the last bit with Bill Jacks, Vietnam Joe, and John, with the mentions of Judas Priest was proving that all redemption is possible. Because John says “Judas Priest was my father’s son.” Judas was the betrayer of the first coming, but he was still the Father’s son. Maybe I’m wrong about this one though.
All in all though, this episode has completely restored any wavering faith in this show I have. I follow John Monad. Even If I am completely wrong about this perplexing show. There are some things I know and some things I don't know. Or, if you prefer: I don't know Butchie, instead.
The line: "Can I bone Kai, and Butchie know my father instead?" to me indicates that John is directly the Son of God. Maybe I'm just coming at this from an outsiders (i.e. non-Christian) perspective, but to me that indicated that John was possibly the second coming? I dunno.
That by the end of the speech, there were a large number of disparate groups of people all standing together. These are, I believe, supposed to be the places they are supposed to be in order to make their lives better. You had the core family (Butchie, Cissy, Mitch, Shaunie, and Tina); you had the core relationships (Butchie and Kai. Yes, I'm pretty sure Butchie was in two groups). Bill Jacks and the drug dealer. Barry's secret/problem was finally out in the open (the dead body). Abogado Dickstein (possibly the best way a lawyer has been referred to on TV in a while) was simultaneously with everyone and with his fiancée. By the end of the speech, Vietnam Joe was standing next to the vato who stabbed John, indicating that Vietnam Joe has to lose his anger and find peace in order to find enlightenment. Linc was forced to stand alone. The doctor also stood alone, stuck between his faith from Shaunie’s recovery and his scientific background. And John was in the center of it all, preaching messianically, with Cass near him. Which leads me to my next point.
I believe that that speech just made Cass the protagonist of the show. Because, arguably, what we saw is how the show is supposed to progress down the line, with those relationships solidifying. And John said that the vision would all be seen through Cass' camera. So wouldn't that make Cass the portal through which the viewer watches these people, i.e. making Cass the person with whom we assimilate and sympathize. Maybe I'm completely wrong though.
I also think that the speech made Linc Stark arguably the villain of the show, if it has one. Linc is the bad influence, the one who is driving apart the family that John wants to see together. He has worked to separate Mitch and Cissy. He, as recently as earlier in the episode, was paying Tina for sex. John’s line to Linc about getting back in the game to me seemed like a warning to stay away from the Yost family.
The staircase that appeared in the parking lot was indeed the staircase from Bill Jacks’ home, but I believe it was also supposed to represent the staircase to heaven. After all, in Bill Jacks’ home, it leads to where Bill Jacks’ wife was, who has now passed and gone to heaven. And there did seem to be an eerie glow to the top of that staircase.
The speech that began as bringing these people together ultimately, though, brought out John and his father’s fallibility. Ultimately, we’re not to see this as John sees this. We have to see it though Cass. And John repeatedly mentioned how things have deviated from “My Father’s” plan. Which ties in to why I agree with you that the sermon will be the Rosetta Stone for deciphering the entire show. These people are deviations from the plan. John has been sent to correct this. To bring all of these people back into the fold. And it is possible.
Finally, and, again, this may just be because I’m coming from it with an incomplete knowledge of Christianity, but the last bit with Bill Jacks, Vietnam Joe, and John, with the mentions of Judas Priest was proving that all redemption is possible. Because John says “Judas Priest was my father’s son.” Judas was the betrayer of the first coming, but he was still the Father’s son. Maybe I’m wrong about this one though.
All in all though, this episode has completely restored any wavering faith in this show I have. I follow John Monad. Even If I am completely wrong about this perplexing show. There are some things I know and some things I don't know. Or, if you prefer: I don't know Butchie, instead.
Big Brother 7/15. Ladies and Jents, Some Good Television.
In our friendly Big Brother recap, we’re told that Amber and Carol were nominated because they wouldn’t retaliate; Jen proved herself to be completely unstable (again and again and again) and then won power in the house. Oh, there’s also the America’s player question. Yeah, that’ll be mildly interesting. Apparently, Kail’s alliance’s goal was to oust Carol. I have NO idea why. Carol, while being all cute and smart, didn’t exactly seem like a threat. Amber thinks god swayed 10 people to vote to keep her. I guess the Devil controls Jen. Dustin acts like a kooky drunk Japanese businessman and wears a tie on his head. I don’t know why. Jen reiterates that she voted to evict Amber. Everyone wonders how in the hell Jen won HOH. I think flabbergasted is the best word to describe everyone’s reaction. Joe decries the technicality that gave Jenius Jen the big room. Dustin complains that everyone’s gonna suck up to Jen now, and then promptly congratulates her. Jen reveals that she has no idea what she’s doing. Dani is terrified. We’re next introduced to a brilliant creation, “You and I” the Jen drinking game. Basically, some drinks every time Jen says I and another drinks every time someone says “You”. The I’s have it, and by it I mean diseased livers. Jen’s HOH room is disappointed. There’s not enough recent pictures of her. And there’s like 10 of her family. Jen starts taking photos off the wall of herself. Seriously. I’m pretty sure we can actually see the hamsters running in her head at times. But there may be more than meets the eye (see my previous Big Brother entries for my thoughts on Jen possibly being a Transformer). She sees through Joe’s vain attempt to get Dustin nominated. That may be easy, but it’s an accomplishment for a member of such an esteemed organization as Jensa. On a completely different note, does you think Jen is a Jentile?
When we come back from commercial, we’re treated to Nick and Mike working out. Dustin and Zach watch and mock. Dustin is actually funny. Zach just makes awkward gay jokes. The strongman competition is fairly funny to watch though. Then we get to watch Dani and Nick flirt. Nick wants to give Danielle something with her eyes closed. Nick, I can see where you’re coming from. I’ve always had a thing for that skeleton in the school science lab. Nick uses lame cliché advances. Jen constantly changes her strategy while talking to people. Kail tells her to go for her enemies, so she contemplates Evil and Danielle. But then she doesn’t want to go for the girls. So Kail suggests those darned homosexuals. Oh Kail, go thump your bible. Jen then suggests Nick, prompting Kail to protect Mrs. Robinson’s boy (Does this make Jen the Elaine (if everyone has The Graduate roles) of the show) by suggesting Jessica. The entire conversation ends with Jen saying she’s gonna put up who she wants. Thanks for that useless conversation then Big Brother. On a completely different note, if Jen commanded a Spanish speaking army, would she be the Jeneralissima?
When we get back, it’s time for our food competition. It’s guys vs. girls and Joe. Our houseguests have to figure out the two main ingredients. For the first round, Jameka correctly identifies Banana and Bacon pie in 5 bites. Next, Dustin wins a point because Amber can’t identify Potato and Pineapple pie in 5 bites. Eric calls Sausage and Apple pie Spam and Fig. Jessica botches the next one and we’re tied at two. Joe proves himself incredibly obnoxious. Danielle brings them 4 to 2, but Dick scores. Then amber scores and makes it 5 to 3. Kail fails. Hey, that rhymes. Nick correctly gets Tuna and Jelly Beans (shudder) and makes it 5 all. Joe fails, and the boys are a point away from winning. Danielle has to accurately name the pie to keep the girls in the game. Danielle calls Clams Tofu, and gives the boys food while the girls and Joe are resigned to slop. A bunch of the boys feel sad. Well, then you should have thrown the competition. On a completely different note, does anyone else think Jen is marjenally intelligent?
Time for America’s choice. Eric has to target…. Jessica! Yes. My vote won. I hate Jess. Eric seems to be fairly successful, playing on Jen’s vanity. That Eric, he’s a clever one. Jen then talks to Nick. She says that she sees what’s going on and she’s not dumb and that she thought she had something with Nick. Nick has to control himself from laughing out loud. Jen’s jealous bitch comes out. Nick seems terrified. She now claims she may put up the most negative people and threatens Nick. He tells her to nominate him if she wants. Jen comes to harass Mike in bed. Mike leaves; leaving an aggravated Dick stuck with Jen. Zach thinks that Dick and Jen could be a couple. Dick launches into Jen in front of Amber, Dustin, and Jameka. They all pretend not to know what’s going on, before all leaving the room very quickly when this starts going down. Dick’s tirade is a mini-Busto, claiming she’s narcissistic. Dick leaves and Jen stares into the cameras and waves. Seriously, I’m starting to think Jen is an actual evil Jenius, and she is playing everyone, including America. My hope in humanity depends on this thought. This episode’s America’s Choice question involves whose bed we want Eric to start walking into. This could be fun. On a completely different note, if Jen were seeking information from an enemy combatant, do you think she’d follow the rules of the Jeneva Convention?
It’s nomination time, which means all the Jen crazy is coming into play. Dick, Nick, Joe, and I’m guessing the entire rest of the house is worried. Hell, I’m worried Jen’ll nominate me. Jen thinks the rest of the house will be pleased with her nominations. She wants her nominees to get the message that they’re not being good people and now because she nominated them they’ll lead better lives. Sorry Jen, but God putting Amber on the block is more likely. Jen thinks that her two nominees bring the rest of house down. Jameka is safe, followed by Kail, Mike, Zach, Nick, Jessica, Amber, Dustin, Eric, and finally Joe. This means our two nominees are Dick and Danielle. Jen nominated them because they together cause negative vibes for everyone. It’s awkward to be around them, and their negative sarcasm is rubbing off on everyone. Apparently it all started from Danielle. Danielle pulls a move from Daddy Dick’s playbook and threatens Jen. Jen promises to smile during Dick’s next tirade. Now, on the surface, it seems like she just dislikes Dick and Dani stands between her and Nick. But, and this plays into my Jen is a super Jenius theory in that if she truly wanted Dick out of the house, she couldn’t have put up a better co-nominee. Dick isn’t going to campaign against Danielle. It’s secretly brilliant. I hope. On a completely different note, I hope if Eric is forced to crawl into Jen’s bed that he doesn’t get any Jenital warts. Does anyone find this Jenuinely funny?
When we come back from commercial, we’re treated to Nick and Mike working out. Dustin and Zach watch and mock. Dustin is actually funny. Zach just makes awkward gay jokes. The strongman competition is fairly funny to watch though. Then we get to watch Dani and Nick flirt. Nick wants to give Danielle something with her eyes closed. Nick, I can see where you’re coming from. I’ve always had a thing for that skeleton in the school science lab. Nick uses lame cliché advances. Jen constantly changes her strategy while talking to people. Kail tells her to go for her enemies, so she contemplates Evil and Danielle. But then she doesn’t want to go for the girls. So Kail suggests those darned homosexuals. Oh Kail, go thump your bible. Jen then suggests Nick, prompting Kail to protect Mrs. Robinson’s boy (Does this make Jen the Elaine (if everyone has The Graduate roles) of the show) by suggesting Jessica. The entire conversation ends with Jen saying she’s gonna put up who she wants. Thanks for that useless conversation then Big Brother. On a completely different note, if Jen commanded a Spanish speaking army, would she be the Jeneralissima?
When we get back, it’s time for our food competition. It’s guys vs. girls and Joe. Our houseguests have to figure out the two main ingredients. For the first round, Jameka correctly identifies Banana and Bacon pie in 5 bites. Next, Dustin wins a point because Amber can’t identify Potato and Pineapple pie in 5 bites. Eric calls Sausage and Apple pie Spam and Fig. Jessica botches the next one and we’re tied at two. Joe proves himself incredibly obnoxious. Danielle brings them 4 to 2, but Dick scores. Then amber scores and makes it 5 to 3. Kail fails. Hey, that rhymes. Nick correctly gets Tuna and Jelly Beans (shudder) and makes it 5 all. Joe fails, and the boys are a point away from winning. Danielle has to accurately name the pie to keep the girls in the game. Danielle calls Clams Tofu, and gives the boys food while the girls and Joe are resigned to slop. A bunch of the boys feel sad. Well, then you should have thrown the competition. On a completely different note, does anyone else think Jen is marjenally intelligent?
Time for America’s choice. Eric has to target…. Jessica! Yes. My vote won. I hate Jess. Eric seems to be fairly successful, playing on Jen’s vanity. That Eric, he’s a clever one. Jen then talks to Nick. She says that she sees what’s going on and she’s not dumb and that she thought she had something with Nick. Nick has to control himself from laughing out loud. Jen’s jealous bitch comes out. Nick seems terrified. She now claims she may put up the most negative people and threatens Nick. He tells her to nominate him if she wants. Jen comes to harass Mike in bed. Mike leaves; leaving an aggravated Dick stuck with Jen. Zach thinks that Dick and Jen could be a couple. Dick launches into Jen in front of Amber, Dustin, and Jameka. They all pretend not to know what’s going on, before all leaving the room very quickly when this starts going down. Dick’s tirade is a mini-Busto, claiming she’s narcissistic. Dick leaves and Jen stares into the cameras and waves. Seriously, I’m starting to think Jen is an actual evil Jenius, and she is playing everyone, including America. My hope in humanity depends on this thought. This episode’s America’s Choice question involves whose bed we want Eric to start walking into. This could be fun. On a completely different note, if Jen were seeking information from an enemy combatant, do you think she’d follow the rules of the Jeneva Convention?
It’s nomination time, which means all the Jen crazy is coming into play. Dick, Nick, Joe, and I’m guessing the entire rest of the house is worried. Hell, I’m worried Jen’ll nominate me. Jen thinks the rest of the house will be pleased with her nominations. She wants her nominees to get the message that they’re not being good people and now because she nominated them they’ll lead better lives. Sorry Jen, but God putting Amber on the block is more likely. Jen thinks that her two nominees bring the rest of house down. Jameka is safe, followed by Kail, Mike, Zach, Nick, Jessica, Amber, Dustin, Eric, and finally Joe. This means our two nominees are Dick and Danielle. Jen nominated them because they together cause negative vibes for everyone. It’s awkward to be around them, and their negative sarcasm is rubbing off on everyone. Apparently it all started from Danielle. Danielle pulls a move from Daddy Dick’s playbook and threatens Jen. Jen promises to smile during Dick’s next tirade. Now, on the surface, it seems like she just dislikes Dick and Dani stands between her and Nick. But, and this plays into my Jen is a super Jenius theory in that if she truly wanted Dick out of the house, she couldn’t have put up a better co-nominee. Dick isn’t going to campaign against Danielle. It’s secretly brilliant. I hope. On a completely different note, I hope if Eric is forced to crawl into Jen’s bed that he doesn’t get any Jenital warts. Does anyone find this Jenuinely funny?
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