Opening Thoughts: Shauna’s looking a lot less frumpy. Lacey copies her brother with a slide move. I think Cedric has an excess of joint fluid. Neil twirls like a second-rate Travis. Danny twirls like a first-rate Travis. Mia’s judging, so no kickass contemporary routines this week I guess. Hopefully, she’ll do some good bitchy judging. Well, Mia’s either delusional or lying because she claims that the best 3 male dancers were the bottom last week. Cedric and Dominic are nowhere near the best dancers here. Mary blames America. Nigel blames “dance snobs”, while looking at Mary.
Lauren and Neil: And the puff pieces begin, this week about why our top 18 started dancing. And this week they’re doing hip-hop with new choreographer Dave Scott. This should be interesting, considering Neil may be the whitest kid in the competition. The routine, to Timbalands “The Way I Are”, and, this may just be because I’m not a dance aficionado, didn’t seem hip-hop. They still don’t seem to have fully committed their personalities to the dance, and Neil still isn’t coming across as interested in his partner. With the exception of one pretty damn good leap, the dance is nothing special in my opinion. Mia says it was a hell of a lot better than last week and that Neil tore it up and Lauren was useless and wants her to be more. Mary thought their chemistry was a lot better. Nigel also liked it a lot because they didn’t look like they were about to “beat the world”.
Jessi and Pasha: Pasha apparently got into dancing because he was a horny 8 year old. Jessie started dancing in front of her fireplace. This week, they’ve got a Tyce D’Orio jazz routine, that, according to Tyce, is not Jazz, so much as African modern contemporary. Dancing to “Stiff Jazz”, their routine is a lot of fun, and they seem to be meshing well and enjoying the routine. I get where Tyce was coming from, it seems like a Tribal mating dance, with Pasha even laying on top of Jessi and one point and ending with a near kiss. They hear all the beats well. Cat comments on Pasha’s trademark eyebrow. Mia loves birds (can be read in a double innuendo kind of way too) and Jessi and Pasha were her favorite birds, because they loved their dance. Mary thought it was terrific. Mary finds Jessi’s movements intriguing and calls them both gorgeous. I fully agree with Mary, which is interesting. If I Mary Murphy scream, I expect someone to put me out of my misery. Nigel comments on the journey of the show and wants Jessi to keep dabbling in whatever she’s doing. If that’s Nigel’s pervy comment of the night, then these judges are not nearly outrageous enough tonight.
Jamie and Hok: Jamie started dance in a move of seeming sibling rivalry. Hok got inspired to dance while watching TV. Hok acknowledges that he got lucky by picking hip-hop last week. They are no longer confident in their abilities to Samba, but at least they make fun of their lack of preparedness. Jamie looks forward to slapping Hok on national television. They’ve got a routine by Jean-Marc Giderot (I think that was his name). They’re consistently on beat and seem to be having fun with it. They occasionally look flustered by moves in their footwork. At the end it seems like Hok almost dropped Jamie. And I didn’t see her slap him. But I digress. Mia thinks she drank love juice because she’s not being bitchy. I concur Mia. Mary says that they had some good bits but that it wasn’t up to snuff. Mary has to say it how it was. Jamie scrunches her nose in anger. Nigel thinks their performance was great but their dancing wasn’t good. Nigel comments on the choreography and Jean-Marc looks pissed.
Sabra and Dominic: Dominic started dancing because he wanted to get the ladies, a massive failure according to him. Sabra started dancing because she was envious of her friend. This week, they’re doing a Mandy Moore contemporary routine. Mandy Moore thinks that men are creatures. And with that she gets him to chuck Sabra across the room. Both are worried about their connection (Sabra with their connection to the dance, Dominic about Sabra’s connection with his package). Watching the dance, I can only think about how much more kickass this would be if Mia Michaels had choreographed it. Sabra and Dominic both do pretty well, with some very nice movements, extensions, and jumps. Although Sabra’s throwing across stage was nowhere near as committed as Lacey’s jump last week into Kameron’s arms. Dominic is scared of Mia Michaels, as he should be, because Mia Michaels can be scary. Dominic looks like he’s about to cry. But Mia loves him and thanks Nigel for believing in Dominic, and calls Sabra a beautiful Ailey girl. Mia apparently, has a continuous IV of her love juice going. Mary loves all the intricate work and thinks Moore’s choreography was great. Mary also heaps a ton of praise on both of them. Nigel hopes that Sabra won’t slip through this net and is very happy with Mia complimenting him. Nigel mentions that Dominic shaved his toes. Too much information. The judges absolutely love this dance though, and darned if it wasn’t deserved. And kudos to Dominic for so shamelessly always playing to the camera. It’s kind of endearing.
Faina and Cedric: Faina’s mom is the reason she’s still dancing. I would have thought it would have been her brother. Cedric started dancing to work through emotional childhood issues. I don’t know who plugs more shamelessly to the camera, Dominic or Cedric, playing the emotional card. They’re dancing a Hunter Johnson Fox Trot this week. It’ll be interesting to see if Cedric will be a decent partner outside of his field. Hip-hop moves are added for Cedric. It’s kind of lucky that they’ve hit their two respective styles in the first two weeks. The dance to me seems fairly lifeless, with Cedric not really connecting with Faina or the camera. Faina, on the other hand, looks good and dances well. She seems to be trying to connect with him and the camera. He seems disinterested. Also, it seemed kind of slow. I thought Fox Trots were faster. Mia’s love juice appears to have stopped flowing, thank god. She says it was Ginger Rogers and an insecure Michael Jackson. He needs to be better she says. She thinks Faina is beautiful, but it wasn’t copasetic enough. Mary agrees with Mia that Cedric is extraordinary in his field but botched this. Well then why did you keep him around judges? Mary says he let her down, which was their fear with Cedric. Nigel agrees, reiterates that he thought Cedric couldn’t partner. Nigel accurately says that there was no charisma and that he lost performance because he was nervous. He should have been cut last week.
Lacey and Kameron: Lacey started dancing because her family is a dancing family. If you didn’t already know that for all their discussion of her dancing family. Did you know that Lacey’s family are dancers. Kameron started dancing because of his sister. And Kameron discusses the fact that dancers get to see female dancers in the changing room. They’re doing a Tyce Broadway routine. Tyce tells us expect sexy and danger with jazz hands. Meanwhile, Lacey tries to do sexy in a way that’s way too reminiscent of Benji. Set to “All That Jazz”, it certainly fulfills on Tyce’s promise of sexy. Unfortunately at times it seems to be more of that Benji sort of sexy than genuine sexy. Although Lacey’s outfit is rather risqué. There’s a “zip” missing from the routine, and I can’t help but think it’s not as good as Nick and Melody’s first season “All That Jazz” routine. Kameron seems to have gotten rid of the arrogant red stars on his head. Mia rightfully points out that it was missing Broadway pizzazz. Thankfully, the real Mia Michaels has shown up. Mary very stupidly says that “danger” is apparently Lacey and Kameron’s middle names. Nigel thinks they had pizzazz and that they seem like they’ve been dancing together forever and are going to get married and have babies and be just totally awesome. The judges seem to finally have amped up the crazy/bitchy. Thank god.
Anya and Danny: Anya started dancing because she had to. And because shiny costumes intrigued her. Danny started dancing because it allowed him to focus on things besides fighting. Ballroom dancer Anya has no idea what a Viennese Waltz is, which is kind of scary. Hunter Johnson’s routine apparently requires a lot of romanticism, which Anya and Danny are afraid about, but their romanticism is supposed to like that of the 1950s, so I guess Anya is supposed to make Danny’s dinner onstage. Anya and Danny look absolutely beautiful doing this. Graceful, sweeping, connected, and they seem to have fully committed themselves to the dance. Not as gliding as Jessi and Pasha’s last week though, but still beautiful. Mia says they bring a level of professionalism to the stage, and comments Danny on his hands. Mia though they and the dance were stunning. Mary brings up the hot tamale train from last week, which prompts Mia to ask, “where are we?” and says they seem to have emerged from a dream. And they receive the first true Mary Murphy scream of the season. Mary says that they are her favorite couple. Nigel says that even us idiots who have no idea about dancing will have thought it was beautiful, calling it the routine of the night. Nigel’s comment makes me regret saying that it was beautiful, because it proves him right.
Shauna and Jimmy: Shauna started dancing because of her mom, but she looks up to any professional dancer. Jimmy started dancing in middle school because he needed fine arts credits. They’ve got a Dave Scott hip-hop routine, which makes Shauna and Jimmy probably most out of their comfort zones for the week, except for maybe Jamie and Hok. Shauna is, apparently, gangster. They pull it off, if a little lifelessly. But I give them credit for being so out of their comfort zones. The stomping interlude in the middle doesn’t really work for me, but the routine is certainly not bad. Mia compliments Jimmy for completely committing to whatever he does and says that Shauna did a better job this week but she was still a little dancing school. Mary also thinks they stepped it up this week and she’s happy they’re growing on the show. But that Jimmy was a lot more interesting to watch. Nigel disagrees with Mia that Shauna was less dance school than last week. Nigel drops the f bomb, fun, and says that it was fun. They seem to be enjoying each other a lot more than some of the other partners.
Sara and Jesus: Sara started dancing from watching a B-girl dance off. I wonder if they had their pants off. I missed why Jesus started dancing. I assume it was a family member. They rocked their Wade Robson routine last week. This week, they have the dreaded Paso Doble. Sara says she’s relying on Jesus, while Jesus says he knows nothing about the Paso Doble. Their Paso Doble seems to be a glam rock version, which helps them, because it distracts from their seeming technical faults. This is not to say its bad, its just not polished in this viewer’s eyes. But they have fun with the routine and they gel together well. Mia says it was awkward and that the music fought the choreography, which I what I kind of felt, like with last weeks “Girlfriend” jive. Mary thought the song was strong and it didn’t fit well with the dance. Nigel calls it the most experimental dance of the night and says they coped with the style well. Nigel says Sara cleans up to be a beautiful lady. There’s the slightly pervy Nigel we know. They give Sara a hard time, but take it back when they realize she’s never had formal training or wore heels before. They absolutely love Jesus though.
Tops Tonight: Jessi and Pasha’s Afro-Jazz routine was pretty darn good, as was Sabra and Dominic’s contemporary. But the best of the night was Anya and Danny’s Viennese Waltz.
The Bottom Three: Cedric and Faina should already be working on their solos. I’d say Shauna and Jimmy and Lauren and Neil ought to be worried.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
On The Lot 6/19. And So It Continues...
Tonight, “On The Lot”, Adrianna Costa is a terrible host.
Wait, let’s start over. Tonight, “On The Lot”, Carrie Fisher and Garry Marshall will make really bad criticism.
Let’s Try This Once More. Tonight, “On The Lot”, you’ll watch mediocre films.
That one’s the closest. On this weeks installment of reality trainwreck “On The Lot”, one more director is going home and 5 more are showing their submission films (Fox lies, if you haven’t noticed. They aren’t new). Spoilers ahead, but I doubt you care, since you’re probably not one of the 14 people still watching this,
The show starts off promisingly enough, with the elimination of Tony Scott. No, wait, that’s just Marty Martin, the self-promoting Tony Scott impersonator. Adrianna gives him an awkward hug and sends him off, after Carrie Fisher basically says the exact same thing she said last week. Now, we just have to get rid of talent-less Kenny and the show will have a bunch of mediocre directors, as opposed to a bunch of mediocre directors and Kenny.
Alright, first up is Will’s movie “Glass Eye”. And the night continues to be good. The movie is fun, funny, well shot, and well executed. A rare achievement for the show. In true form, the judges are terrible. Carrie Fisher comments on the lack of dialogue introducing Will to the concept of talkies. Because, apparently all movies must have all dialogue all the time. And movies can’t be funny without words. Wes Craven, tonight’s sane member of the panel, gives the only actual criticism, commenting on how Will could have better used color and black and white. Garry Marshall comments on how he wasn’t sympathetic with the main character because he wore a wife beater and Garry was afraid he was going to start beating Will’s wife in the middle of the movie. Great criticism Garry.
Next up is Jason, whose last movie proved how much America likes making fun of the mentally handicapped. His movie, “Blood Born”, about a man who’s blood can heal, was stylishly shot, albeit a bit clichéd. I kind of lost interest in it part way through. Missing the conclusion. Carrie actually comments on something I thought of as well, that, Jason, who’s intro proclaimed his Christian values in not depicting sex or violence on screen, has drugs on screen, and, according to them (I maybe missed it) a drive by. Craven makes the only good criticism again. Garry Marshall blathers on about something idiotic. I’ve somewhat learned to drown him out.
Third comes Zack. Can we just give the prize to him now and get Adrianna, Carrie, and Garry off the air? His short “Sunshine Girl” really kinda blows the others out of the water. Visually interesting, good effects, and an effective choice for the little girl. The judges all seem to love it. For once, I agree with them. Oh, and Garry doesn’t think you should trust British people in the dark. Thanks for that tidbit Garry.
Fourth is Mateen, with his short “Lost”. I actually really liked this one as well. Shot close up to convey the claustrophobic elements of the conversation (at least so I thought), it was well written, well acted. My only complaint is that it seems like part of a longer story. Carrie wishes more happened and that it had a third act. Because if its all dialogue, that’s not good for Carrie. Maybe Mateen and Will should team up and make Carrie happy. Wes Craven also wishes it was longer. Garry blathers on.
Last up is Jessie, who makes a horror movie for trees. Or maybe it’s just a guy cutting down a tree for three minutes. There’s a decent shot here and there, but overall, it’s pretty weak. The judges agree. Carrie has the most bizarro line of the night with: “That was my least favorite thing besides adolescence and being left by a man for a man.” O…k Carrie. Good to know. Wes Craven, a real horror director, thinks it’s probably scary for trees, but mainly its just a guy cutting down a tree, and that something like the tree should have attacked back. I don’t bother to listen to Garry, because Carrie filled the insane quota of this set of comments with her list of things she doesn’t like.
Well, that’s it. This was far and away the best group of 5 that we’ve seen. In fact, I'd go so far to say as tonight's batch was pretty darn good. So much for my "mediocre" prediction. I feel bad for Jessie, because her film was still markedly better than Hillary’s, Kenny’s, David’s, and a bunch of others. But she’s toast. Maybe in some freak accident America will vote out Adrianna, Carrie, and Garry, and bring back Chelsea Handler to host, and Michael Bay and DJ Caruso as judges. Maybe one of the directors will make that movie. I’d vote for them.
Wait, let’s start over. Tonight, “On The Lot”, Carrie Fisher and Garry Marshall will make really bad criticism.
Let’s Try This Once More. Tonight, “On The Lot”, you’ll watch mediocre films.
That one’s the closest. On this weeks installment of reality trainwreck “On The Lot”, one more director is going home and 5 more are showing their submission films (Fox lies, if you haven’t noticed. They aren’t new). Spoilers ahead, but I doubt you care, since you’re probably not one of the 14 people still watching this,
The show starts off promisingly enough, with the elimination of Tony Scott. No, wait, that’s just Marty Martin, the self-promoting Tony Scott impersonator. Adrianna gives him an awkward hug and sends him off, after Carrie Fisher basically says the exact same thing she said last week. Now, we just have to get rid of talent-less Kenny and the show will have a bunch of mediocre directors, as opposed to a bunch of mediocre directors and Kenny.
Alright, first up is Will’s movie “Glass Eye”. And the night continues to be good. The movie is fun, funny, well shot, and well executed. A rare achievement for the show. In true form, the judges are terrible. Carrie Fisher comments on the lack of dialogue introducing Will to the concept of talkies. Because, apparently all movies must have all dialogue all the time. And movies can’t be funny without words. Wes Craven, tonight’s sane member of the panel, gives the only actual criticism, commenting on how Will could have better used color and black and white. Garry Marshall comments on how he wasn’t sympathetic with the main character because he wore a wife beater and Garry was afraid he was going to start beating Will’s wife in the middle of the movie. Great criticism Garry.
Next up is Jason, whose last movie proved how much America likes making fun of the mentally handicapped. His movie, “Blood Born”, about a man who’s blood can heal, was stylishly shot, albeit a bit clichéd. I kind of lost interest in it part way through. Missing the conclusion. Carrie actually comments on something I thought of as well, that, Jason, who’s intro proclaimed his Christian values in not depicting sex or violence on screen, has drugs on screen, and, according to them (I maybe missed it) a drive by. Craven makes the only good criticism again. Garry Marshall blathers on about something idiotic. I’ve somewhat learned to drown him out.
Third comes Zack. Can we just give the prize to him now and get Adrianna, Carrie, and Garry off the air? His short “Sunshine Girl” really kinda blows the others out of the water. Visually interesting, good effects, and an effective choice for the little girl. The judges all seem to love it. For once, I agree with them. Oh, and Garry doesn’t think you should trust British people in the dark. Thanks for that tidbit Garry.
Fourth is Mateen, with his short “Lost”. I actually really liked this one as well. Shot close up to convey the claustrophobic elements of the conversation (at least so I thought), it was well written, well acted. My only complaint is that it seems like part of a longer story. Carrie wishes more happened and that it had a third act. Because if its all dialogue, that’s not good for Carrie. Maybe Mateen and Will should team up and make Carrie happy. Wes Craven also wishes it was longer. Garry blathers on.
Last up is Jessie, who makes a horror movie for trees. Or maybe it’s just a guy cutting down a tree for three minutes. There’s a decent shot here and there, but overall, it’s pretty weak. The judges agree. Carrie has the most bizarro line of the night with: “That was my least favorite thing besides adolescence and being left by a man for a man.” O…k Carrie. Good to know. Wes Craven, a real horror director, thinks it’s probably scary for trees, but mainly its just a guy cutting down a tree, and that something like the tree should have attacked back. I don’t bother to listen to Garry, because Carrie filled the insane quota of this set of comments with her list of things she doesn’t like.
Well, that’s it. This was far and away the best group of 5 that we’ve seen. In fact, I'd go so far to say as tonight's batch was pretty darn good. So much for my "mediocre" prediction. I feel bad for Jessie, because her film was still markedly better than Hillary’s, Kenny’s, David’s, and a bunch of others. But she’s toast. Maybe in some freak accident America will vote out Adrianna, Carrie, and Garry, and bring back Chelsea Handler to host, and Michael Bay and DJ Caruso as judges. Maybe one of the directors will make that movie. I’d vote for them.
Welcome Back: Det. Brenda Leigh Johnson
I just got around to watching the season premiere of TNT’s “The Closer” and can safely say that Det. Brenda Lee Johnson is a good reason never to commit a crime. That woman will figure it out and throw my ass in the slammer. I don’t care if she’s not real, she will somehow manage to get my confession. Warning, Spoilers Ahead.
Last night’s premiere saw Beaver (from “Veronica Mars”)’s family being slaughtered in a fairly brutal triple-homicide (Thankfully, Dick Casablancas was not harmed). Because it was Beaver, my natural assumption was that he did it and Brenda and the rest of the Priority Homicide division shouldn’t get on any buses. When we found out he was on ecstasy at the time, I thought Cassidy Casablancas was a shoo-in as our killer. But I was wrong.
Brenda figured out that Beav’s father was actually a bigamist, and his other family’s son, who lived in much poorer digs, got really jealous after Daddy lied about him to second Mommy and stabbed Daddy and second Mommy and half-sister. And Beaver’s clothing actually helped crack the case.
While doing all this, she also had to deal with Fritz being needy about moving into a bigger house (leading to a great passive aggressive move on his part) and Pope demanding that she drop one of her detectives (like that was going to happen).
All in all though, it was another solid return for one of my favorite police shows on television. And I look forward to more Brenda pulling off incredible confessions and solving priority cases. Thank you.
Monday, June 18, 2007
I'm Calling You Out: Adrianna Costa
Fox's movie-making reality show "On The Lot" is a trainwreck for so, so many reasons. Many of those are due to the format itself, but this post is not about those. There will probably be another post on that but this is a gripe aimed directly at one person. That's right Adrianna Costa, I'm calling you out.
How did you get this job? Seriously. You are just really, really bad at this whole hosting thing. Now you, as a person, I have no problems with. Sure, there's that whole "I'm gonna try to be exactly like Scarlett Johansson only more Latina" thing going on, but know what, I forgive you for that, because you are attractive. And you may do entertainment news for CNN alright. I've never seen you do it. I get my entertainment news online.
No. I'm calling you out because you are the worst host on network television right now. And this is after I just savaged Cameron Daddo of "Pirate Master" in my last post. You bring absolutely nothing to the show. Your purpose seems to be there solely to do things like hit on contestants like Trevor, and get awkwardly hugged by awkward contestants like David after awkward comments from judge Garry Marshall. And, this may not be your fault, but the whole delivery of eliminations thing is so tired out and lifeless (may be your delivery, may be the shtick itself).
So, Adrianna Costa, I'm begging you. Leave the lot. The show will still suck, but it'll be a little bit better. Unless they bring in Brian Dunkleman. Or Lauryn Sanchez. Or Cameron Daddo. Do you think Seacrest would be willing to do it?
How did you get this job? Seriously. You are just really, really bad at this whole hosting thing. Now you, as a person, I have no problems with. Sure, there's that whole "I'm gonna try to be exactly like Scarlett Johansson only more Latina" thing going on, but know what, I forgive you for that, because you are attractive. And you may do entertainment news for CNN alright. I've never seen you do it. I get my entertainment news online.
No. I'm calling you out because you are the worst host on network television right now. And this is after I just savaged Cameron Daddo of "Pirate Master" in my last post. You bring absolutely nothing to the show. Your purpose seems to be there solely to do things like hit on contestants like Trevor, and get awkwardly hugged by awkward contestants like David after awkward comments from judge Garry Marshall. And, this may not be your fault, but the whole delivery of eliminations thing is so tired out and lifeless (may be your delivery, may be the shtick itself).
So, Adrianna Costa, I'm begging you. Leave the lot. The show will still suck, but it'll be a little bit better. Unless they bring in Brian Dunkleman. Or Lauryn Sanchez. Or Cameron Daddo. Do you think Seacrest would be willing to do it?
Why You Should Be Watching The Awesomely Bad "Pirate Master"
What can I say about CBS’ most recent attempt to capitalize off the past success of one of it’s own shows, the Survivor retread “Pirate Master.” Only that the show is so bad that you should do everything in your power to watch it. Yes, you heard me correct. Rarely will you encounter a show with this level of unknowing stupidity. And that is why you should be watching those weekly adventures on the Picton Castle. Still not with me about why you should endure one hour a week of high seas (and by that I mean floating around a Carribbean island) “intrigue”? Well, let me illuminate you.
They seem to have scooped all the contestants from mental institutions. For example, you have a castmate like John, who the producers should not have allowed to have been booted the first week. John, whose description read “Scientist/Stripper”, not only made the most interesting television, but also showed the only pirate-like move the game has seen, holding the only two compasses hostage in order to save himself (the move failed, leading to his unanimous ouster.)
Or, if you prefer, look at someone like new ship’s captain Azmyth, a seemingly sane gentleman, fairly competent in challenges. That is, until he donned the captain’s hat and jacket. Then he affected a pretty darn bad British accent, because, and this is just postulation, in his mind he thought “all captains are British. For me to become an effective captain, I must become British”. To that I say, Pip Pip, Cheerio, where can I get my boat.
But then you also have the less insane people there, but who still make laugh out loud television. Like Louie, who I’m pretty sure is actually Rupert from Survivor, but with dyed hair. I caught you CBS. Or maybe you prefer Joe Don, who’s favorite perk about being captain was seemingly not his share in half of all monies won, but the rum he had in his room. Or maybe you prefer your crazy in a Jay-like form, where, as evidenced by the previews or the show, he believes he’s the most like a pirate because he sells used cars.
Then again, if you prefer trainwreck over crazy, maybe your favorite parts will be those involving host and the person Australia should apologize to us for, Cameron Daddo, who, seemingly, was brought in because he does a half-decent Jeff Probst impression. The thing that Daddo is notable for is creating even less of an impression than cast members like Laurel, who I honestly believe was a stowaway until the third episode, when they discovered her curled up in a ball in the hull of the ship and decided “Hey, she’d be yet another body on screen who no one would care about. Maybe she, Christa, and Kendra will all become friends who no one will remember.”
In any event, you really should be watching Pirate Master. It will make you feel good about yourself because hey, at least you’re not holed up on a ship with these people.
They seem to have scooped all the contestants from mental institutions. For example, you have a castmate like John, who the producers should not have allowed to have been booted the first week. John, whose description read “Scientist/Stripper”, not only made the most interesting television, but also showed the only pirate-like move the game has seen, holding the only two compasses hostage in order to save himself (the move failed, leading to his unanimous ouster.)
Or, if you prefer, look at someone like new ship’s captain Azmyth, a seemingly sane gentleman, fairly competent in challenges. That is, until he donned the captain’s hat and jacket. Then he affected a pretty darn bad British accent, because, and this is just postulation, in his mind he thought “all captains are British. For me to become an effective captain, I must become British”. To that I say, Pip Pip, Cheerio, where can I get my boat.
But then you also have the less insane people there, but who still make laugh out loud television. Like Louie, who I’m pretty sure is actually Rupert from Survivor, but with dyed hair. I caught you CBS. Or maybe you prefer Joe Don, who’s favorite perk about being captain was seemingly not his share in half of all monies won, but the rum he had in his room. Or maybe you prefer your crazy in a Jay-like form, where, as evidenced by the previews or the show, he believes he’s the most like a pirate because he sells used cars.
Then again, if you prefer trainwreck over crazy, maybe your favorite parts will be those involving host and the person Australia should apologize to us for, Cameron Daddo, who, seemingly, was brought in because he does a half-decent Jeff Probst impression. The thing that Daddo is notable for is creating even less of an impression than cast members like Laurel, who I honestly believe was a stowaway until the third episode, when they discovered her curled up in a ball in the hull of the ship and decided “Hey, she’d be yet another body on screen who no one would care about. Maybe she, Christa, and Kendra will all become friends who no one will remember.”
In any event, you really should be watching Pirate Master. It will make you feel good about yourself because hey, at least you’re not holed up on a ship with these people.
Come On Down! You're The Next Host of The Price Is Right!
With living legend Bob Barker having finished hosting “The Price Is Right”, many names have been touted as his replacement. They have ranged from the oddball (Who thinks Mario Lopez is a good idea?) to the more palatable (Although I still don’t think George Hamilton would be good), but, at least in my opinion, not a single person has been mentioned who could fill the position of America’s favorite advocate of controlling the pet population. So, with that, I would like to throw a name into the race, and hopefully tell CBS what to avoid from wrecking the home of Plinko.
1. Don’t Get A Straight Comedian
As much fun as having a funny person officiating one game of the mountaineer might be, after a very short amount of time, it would get old. The true beauty of Bob Barker was that he didn’t glamorize himself, he glamorized the games and the contestants. Something in me tells me that most comedians wouldn’t be able to keep the spotlights off themselves, nothing against comedians though. I love them.
2. Please Please Please! No Former Reality Contestants!
Just because George Hamilton and Mario Lopez can dance with the stars, it doesn’t mean he deserves the price is right. The people who compete on this shows tend to be the self-promoters that the show must avoid.
3. Not Todd Newton
I honestly don’t get why he’s being considered.
4. Mark Who?
I have no idea who Mark Steines is. Maybe he’d be good. I just have never heard of him, and I follow a good chunk of TV.
5. For The Love of God, Not Rosie.
I’d prefer not to have someone mug to the camera AND give me political commentary on the grocery game.
So, with that, the name I’d like to throw into contention is…..
Monique
Anyone who watches VH1’s Magnum Opus (and I mean that in all sincerity) “The Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School” knows that Monique can be funny without dominating. It’s clear that she actually cares about the former Flavorettes under her wing. She is a warm figure, supporting these girls under her charge, making sure that the get the best experience that they can. Which is exactly what Bob Barker does for all those who come on down. And yes, while she is a comedienne, and that violates my first rule, she has shown that she doesn’t have to dominate the show. And that’s why I think that Monique should be the next host of The Price Is Right. That, or just keep Bob Barker. Maybe they can get a hologram of him.
1. Don’t Get A Straight Comedian
As much fun as having a funny person officiating one game of the mountaineer might be, after a very short amount of time, it would get old. The true beauty of Bob Barker was that he didn’t glamorize himself, he glamorized the games and the contestants. Something in me tells me that most comedians wouldn’t be able to keep the spotlights off themselves, nothing against comedians though. I love them.
2. Please Please Please! No Former Reality Contestants!
Just because George Hamilton and Mario Lopez can dance with the stars, it doesn’t mean he deserves the price is right. The people who compete on this shows tend to be the self-promoters that the show must avoid.
3. Not Todd Newton
I honestly don’t get why he’s being considered.
4. Mark Who?
I have no idea who Mark Steines is. Maybe he’d be good. I just have never heard of him, and I follow a good chunk of TV.
5. For The Love of God, Not Rosie.
I’d prefer not to have someone mug to the camera AND give me political commentary on the grocery game.
So, with that, the name I’d like to throw into contention is…..
Monique
Anyone who watches VH1’s Magnum Opus (and I mean that in all sincerity) “The Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School” knows that Monique can be funny without dominating. It’s clear that she actually cares about the former Flavorettes under her wing. She is a warm figure, supporting these girls under her charge, making sure that the get the best experience that they can. Which is exactly what Bob Barker does for all those who come on down. And yes, while she is a comedienne, and that violates my first rule, she has shown that she doesn’t have to dominate the show. And that’s why I think that Monique should be the next host of The Price Is Right. That, or just keep Bob Barker. Maybe they can get a hologram of him.
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