WARNING: SOME ADULT LANGUAGE
Previously on Big Brother, I was disgusted by everyone in the house but Jen, Eric thought short term instead of long term, “the rock and roll dad lived to fight another day”, power didn’t shift at all, Danielle proved that she’s can hold a grudge, no one was surprised by the nominations, Amber and Danielle participated in some CBS synergy, Danielle proved herself to be a catty bitch and backdoored Jen, citing that it's not personal reasons, Daniellejust doesn’t think she deserves the experience as much as the rest of them, which is pretty much a personal reason. The Chen-Bot is back tonight in all her electronic glory, and she immediately starts pimping the Donatos for Big Brother. She uses a bad pun and we segue back to the blue house as Jen is put into the nomination chair. Jen seems hurt but isn’t showing it. Jameka is beyond happy, because everyone hates Jen. Danielle tells Jen that she’s sorry (she’s not), and is definitely secretly pleased. Who’s Dick to stay away from the fight, as he seeks out Jen and basically says that Jen doesn’t deserve the experience because she’s not a money-grubbing whore. Dick tries to faze her, but in true Jen fashion she’s like a rock. Jen, apparently, now wants to talk, and Danielle basically cites that she doesn’t like her and Jen targeted her father because her father poured iced tea on her and has told her he wants to rape her until she bleeds. Jen is tearing up, but she’s still staying strong. Jen doesn’t want to go to the sequester house, and she seems to be seriously contemplating just walking out, which pisses off Jameka. Dick blows some smoke in her direction which pisses Jen off, prompting her to go inside and pack her belongings away because she doesn’t want to deal with these people, and I don’t blame her. Outside, Everyone sees this as an opportunity as to insult her behind her back. Jen is also about to violate her promise to stay on slop for the rest of the summer and Dick says she just wants attention. But now angry Jen comes out, as she does break slop rules AND raids Dick’s cigarettes, breaks them all up in the trashcan, and pours bleach on them. She’s wanted to do this since day one, and she hid her clothes for fear of Dickish retribution. Dick, of course, can’t take someone fighting back, and begins immediately insulting her and tells her that he’s not gonna be nice to her anymore. He acts true to his name and Jen stays strong, and I love her for this. Dick steals her clothing and tells us that he’s gonna hold on to those for the rest of the week until she leaves. Dick accuses her of being a little baby who throws a fit when she can’t get her way, and I’m immediately thinking of the phrase “Pot calling the kettle black”. Jen is now fully violating her slop rule, and everyone is pissed because how dare she take full advantage of her knowledge that she will be going home and there’s no reason to fight. She’s called to the diary room and is informed of a penalty vote against her this week. Dick senses he still hasn’t broken her so her goes back on the attack, blowing smoke in her face, and, when she protests and tries to knock the cigarette out of her hand, he burns her, which seems to finally break Jen, who breaks down and looks mere seconds away from punching Dick in his smarmy face, which Jameka recognizes and pulls her away to the bathroom. But God forbid this serious moment stop Julie Chen, now back, from plugging Amber and Danielle's trip to the Power of 10 on CBS!
Hey, remember that Amber and Danielle are gonna be on Power of 10! They’re whisked away from the house to a private Jet, which impresses Amber because she apparently doesn’t know the meaning of the words “Private Jet”. They’re both excited to be in New York, which is funny because Amber insulted my city (Born and raised) on the live feeds. Nick is back, because they’re trying to resurrect the showmance, and Amber’s cousin is there. Amber says that she feels like a somebody and she’s sure the audience is gonna love her. That noise? Well that’s the makeup person’s silent astonishment. It’s time for questions with the houseguests, and Amber, who recently appeared on the Power of 10 if you didn’t know, loved the trip. So did Danielle. Jen was upset with Big Brother and she didn’t care if she broke food restrictions. I love you Jen. Eric may or may not cross-dress outside of the house.
It’s time to talk to the Pouter, aka Danielle, in her HOH room, where she’s glad that Dick is still around, she hopes that its her and Daddy in the end because she can kick his ass in the finals, and says she can probably turn on her dad at any point. It’s time for final speeches. Jen is first, says she doesn’t really fit in there and she’s fine with leaving. I love her, because she really doesn’t care anymore. Jameka is happy to be there and hopes the others see how useful she could be. It’s voting time, and Amber is up first, evicting Jen. Dick is up next, and, surprise surprise, he votes to evict Jen. Eric votes to evict Jen on America’s doing. Zach votes to evict Jen. Jessica votes to evict Jen, making it a 6-0, with the penalty vote, vote to evict Jen.
It’s time for the Chen-Bot to put Jen out of her misery, and she fully expects it, waves to everyone. Dick isn’t even there when she walks out and Eric proves he is slowly metamorphosing into Dick Jr by saying “As happy as you are to be leaving, we’re happier to see you go." As soon as she leaves, Danielle, Eric, and Dick realize they have no one to bully, so they continue to talk about her. In the interview, we learn that Jen describes herself as random, didn’t really have a strategy coming in, hoped to teach others good things, and she knew she would have to be backdoored. Also, she says that Dick’s speeches, even if they’re strategy, are beyond the line. I continue to love you Jen. In the goodbyes, Jameka is nice to her, Eric lies through his teeth and says he enjoyed her, they clearly edit Dick’s goodbye to take out all the nastiness, Jess compliments her gameplay, Zach compliments her gameplay and sucks up to her, Danielle says it that in the last week Jen’s integrity disappeared, Amber tells her to dig inside herself to find the beautiful person and show it off. To this, I respond: I like Jameka, Eric is a lying douche, Dick’s isn’t worth commenting on because it’s such an editing hackjob, Jess isn’t all there, Zach clearly doesn’t know that he’s gonna be next week’s target, Danielle can go fuck herself (the whiny bitch), and Amber shouldn’t ever comment on someone’s inner or outer beauty, since she has none.
It’s time for the HOH competition, and I don’t really care, since I’m not gonna be watching the show anymore. It involves a dunk tank and A or B questions. Eric gets dunked first. Amber and Zach are eliminated together. Dick is eliminated last, and Jen clearly takes delight in dunking him. Eric and the others gloat and Jessica is one of the most restrained and I say “whatever”. The America’s player is the same as always, whom America wants nominated. The Chen-Bot leaves us in the house, where everyone is joking about the competition.
This will be my last Big Brother recap, for anyone who’s interested. Not only am I going back to college soon and therefore will have less time to waste on this show, but I’m fed up with this show for a number of reasons. One, Jen, my last liked houseguest, was evicted and there is no one to root for anymore. Two, the fact that the producers allowed one houseguest to burn another with a cigarette with no repercussions is horrid. Third, this little tidbit just came to light in response to allegations of rigging made to the FCC.
A "game show" in which selected contestants (vs. members of the
public) participate is governed by Section 509 of Title 47 of the
United States Code (USC), and regulated by the Department of Justice.
However 'Big Brother' does not appear to meet the definition of a
"game show." Rather, it is a 'for entertainment only' program,
somewhat similar to professional wrestling in that it is a
pseudo-contest in which the outcome is fully, or in some measure,
predetermined.
This, basically, to me, confirms that Big Brother is at least partially rigged. I mean, add this to the videos of people talking about Diary Room voting pressures and the slanted editing, and I’ve just got to say screw this. I have better ways to spend my time. Well, not much better, but better than this. Thanks to anyone who enjoyed my recaps…
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Big Brother 8/21. Veto This, Big Brother!
Previously on Big Brother, Eric made a deal with the house’s devil, forming a new “power alliance” that almost immediately seemed like it was going to cannibalize itself, Amber and Jameka realized they were screwed, Skeletor won HOH (or is that Danielle?) and proved that hatred of Jen clearly runs in the Donato bloodline, followed by nominating Amber and Jameka. We re-enter the house with our tinted houseguests finishing the nomination ceremony. Jameka tells us that she doesn’t understand Danielle’s motives, which to me are some of the clearest so far this game. Amber, surprisingly enough, is not crying but vowing to show that a good person can win the game. So Jen’s gonna win, huh, Amber? Eric goes to apologize and Jameka calls it a slap in the face, but she doesn’t say it to his face, which means no angry Jameka drama. Danielle assures Jameka that it’s not personal and reminds us that it’s a game, one that seems to be rigged in her favor. Jen is starting to think that saving Dick was a mistake because they’re letting a tight pair continue on. And thus, Jen continues to prove how much smarter she is than most of the house. Jen is immediately pondering whether Danielle is planning to backdoor anyone. We then get what starts as a discussion of Ultimate Fighting and turns into a flirting thing, which Zach interrupts, informing us that he loves to cock block Eric. Zach then makes awkward references to Jessica’s boobs. Wow, this is fun to watch. And when I say fun, I mean pointless and idiotic. It’s time for more Amber and Jameka talk, where they decide that the target of their behind the back attacks tonight is Jessica. Probably because she’s friends with the evil Jew, right Amber? Amber is sure she’s the target, but she had a vision that told her that they would both be here next week. God sent her a vision showing her winning POV, and then one of her and Jameka in the final two. This, for some reason, makes Amber cry. She tells us that there will be no more crying from her in this game, but she’s clearly holding back tears while saying this, so I doubt the validity of this statement.
Quirky aggravating theme music means it’s time for America’s Choice, where Eric immediately wonders what the hell “woobie” means. Eric has to give his woobie to Jessica, which he says will be a piece of cake. He apparently smuggles to woobie out of the Diary Room in his ass and gives it to Jessica that night, who accepts the ass animal with open arms. Eric thinks it strengthened their bond. Immediately, though, it’s time for Danielle to bitch some more about how long it feels like they’ve been here. She and Zach have a communal bitch session about Eric, Dick, Jameka, Amber, and Jen, meaning that only Jessica is liked in the house. They talk about how much of a loose cannon and how hated Jen is and I begin to fear for the only decent remaining houseguest. But enough of that, it’s time to pick Veto Players! Whoopee! This is a very special veto competition, because the winner gets the POV and the top two win a top-secret trip out of the house, most likely to the set of Two and a Half Men again. Danielle gets the houseguest’s choice and picks Dick, Amber picks Jessica, and Jameka picks Zach, continuing Eric’ streak of not having played in a single veto competition. Amber reiterates that they have to win. Amber thinks God put them up together. Amber, as much as the show loves Danielle, even they don’t think she’s God. Dick tries to psych out Amber and Jameka, but I really don’t feel the effort this time. Jameka is just pissed that everyone’s gonna be trying hard this week for the trip outside.
It’s time for the veto competition, which involves motorcycles apparently. Dick points out that it certainly seems like this challenge was tailored for him. Huh, Dick. I think you may have something. This challenge involves the houseguests guessing about what people outside of the house think about people who were a part of the house. The first question involves who thought Kail would be a good politician, and Dick is eliminated. The second question involves how hard people think it is to live in the BB house and Zach is eliminated. The next question is about who’s the better boyfriend, Dustin or Joe, a question that gets a range of responses and eliminates Jessica. The next question involves having a beer with Nick over Mike and eliminates Jameka, meaning Danielle and Amber get to go on a trip. Amber is crying that Jameka was eliminated and wishes that Jameka could go instead of her because she puts everyone else before herself. You know, unless they’re Jewish. The final question is about how many thought Zach made the sexiest bunny. Amber answered 65%, Danielle answered 47%, and America pegged it at 35%, meaning Danielle wins the POV as well. Zach is pleased that at least 35% of American’s found him sexy. Jen is pleased that Danielle won. Dick makes her hold up the trophy so he can give her gloating lessons. Amber just doesn’t understand why God lied to her about that whole winning the veto thing. Maybe because you’re just a crazy person and God didn’t send you that message. Or maybe God likes the Jews and was just screwing around with you. Either way, Amber, you’re crying again, meaning that you’ve already broken your no crying promise. Jameka tells her that God would want them to be strong. This causes Amber to start crying again. Well, so much for that hope America.
We come back and its time for Donato family strategy session, where Danielle is talking about making a deal with Amber to remove her from the block in return for future immunity. This worries me more, because I have a feeling on who Danielle wants to put up in Wahmber’s place, and that person’s name rhymes with “Jen”, mainly because that’s her name. Amber is apparently thinking on the same length as Danielle, but she tells Jameka that she’d be reticent to take a deal. Danielle takes Amber upstairs for a chat and Amber seems to be the one who’s bringing up deal talk. Way to sell out your best friend Amber. It’s clear that God was lying on the other front as well. Amber says anything and everything Danielle wants to hear and more which gets a big old smile from Danielle, who has more bones visible through her skin than a science class skeleton. Dick and Eric are having buddy talk and patting themselves on the back for being so cool and such a rocking force in the house. Both of them discuss wanting to backdoor Jen, and I fear some more. Eric says to Dick that he wants to, and immediately tells the DR that it’s not what he wanted. Danielle walks outside and bitches about how she’s awake at 2 AM and she seems to jump at the idea of backdooring Jen. Ugh.
It’s time for the veto meeting, and Danielle walks through the normal procedure. Jameka says that she’s sure Danielle already knows what she’s doing. Amber says something about the experience, stifles tears, and tells Danielle she’ll respect the decision. Danielle has weighed out her options and she chooses to use the POV on Amber. Jen immediately senses what’s up and gets into a position where she can easily get off the couch. Lo and behold, she chooses Jen, saying it’s nothing personal (it is) and calls it a life changing opportunity for SOME of us and she doesn’t think Jen deserves it as much as other. Doesn’t that kind of define personal attack, not to mention incredibly bitchy? Jen vows that “when” she stays next week, she’ll be targeting Dick and Danielle for the rest of the season. I love this girl’s moxie. Of yeah, we almost forgot about the mystery trip, which is Danielle and Amber being whisked off to NYC to compete on the new CBS show “Power of 10” to compete for up to 10 million dollars. Also, we can vote for whom we want Eric to target. I feel like this is as good a time as any to tell you that after this week, I’m giving up on this show. Because most likely Jen will be eliminated, meaning there will be no one likeable left in the house. Well, that and the matter that I’m going back to college (Go Connecticut College Camels, even though we kind of suck at most sports!) and don’t feel like wasting some of the precious time I have to watch TV on this house filled with disgusting people. So this upcoming eviction will be my last recap of BB. I hope that doesn’t disappoint anyone. But don’t worry; I’ll make up for it with other content. And recaps of other, better shows once the TV season starts.
Quirky aggravating theme music means it’s time for America’s Choice, where Eric immediately wonders what the hell “woobie” means. Eric has to give his woobie to Jessica, which he says will be a piece of cake. He apparently smuggles to woobie out of the Diary Room in his ass and gives it to Jessica that night, who accepts the ass animal with open arms. Eric thinks it strengthened their bond. Immediately, though, it’s time for Danielle to bitch some more about how long it feels like they’ve been here. She and Zach have a communal bitch session about Eric, Dick, Jameka, Amber, and Jen, meaning that only Jessica is liked in the house. They talk about how much of a loose cannon and how hated Jen is and I begin to fear for the only decent remaining houseguest. But enough of that, it’s time to pick Veto Players! Whoopee! This is a very special veto competition, because the winner gets the POV and the top two win a top-secret trip out of the house, most likely to the set of Two and a Half Men again. Danielle gets the houseguest’s choice and picks Dick, Amber picks Jessica, and Jameka picks Zach, continuing Eric’ streak of not having played in a single veto competition. Amber reiterates that they have to win. Amber thinks God put them up together. Amber, as much as the show loves Danielle, even they don’t think she’s God. Dick tries to psych out Amber and Jameka, but I really don’t feel the effort this time. Jameka is just pissed that everyone’s gonna be trying hard this week for the trip outside.
It’s time for the veto competition, which involves motorcycles apparently. Dick points out that it certainly seems like this challenge was tailored for him. Huh, Dick. I think you may have something. This challenge involves the houseguests guessing about what people outside of the house think about people who were a part of the house. The first question involves who thought Kail would be a good politician, and Dick is eliminated. The second question involves how hard people think it is to live in the BB house and Zach is eliminated. The next question is about who’s the better boyfriend, Dustin or Joe, a question that gets a range of responses and eliminates Jessica. The next question involves having a beer with Nick over Mike and eliminates Jameka, meaning Danielle and Amber get to go on a trip. Amber is crying that Jameka was eliminated and wishes that Jameka could go instead of her because she puts everyone else before herself. You know, unless they’re Jewish. The final question is about how many thought Zach made the sexiest bunny. Amber answered 65%, Danielle answered 47%, and America pegged it at 35%, meaning Danielle wins the POV as well. Zach is pleased that at least 35% of American’s found him sexy. Jen is pleased that Danielle won. Dick makes her hold up the trophy so he can give her gloating lessons. Amber just doesn’t understand why God lied to her about that whole winning the veto thing. Maybe because you’re just a crazy person and God didn’t send you that message. Or maybe God likes the Jews and was just screwing around with you. Either way, Amber, you’re crying again, meaning that you’ve already broken your no crying promise. Jameka tells her that God would want them to be strong. This causes Amber to start crying again. Well, so much for that hope America.
We come back and its time for Donato family strategy session, where Danielle is talking about making a deal with Amber to remove her from the block in return for future immunity. This worries me more, because I have a feeling on who Danielle wants to put up in Wahmber’s place, and that person’s name rhymes with “Jen”, mainly because that’s her name. Amber is apparently thinking on the same length as Danielle, but she tells Jameka that she’d be reticent to take a deal. Danielle takes Amber upstairs for a chat and Amber seems to be the one who’s bringing up deal talk. Way to sell out your best friend Amber. It’s clear that God was lying on the other front as well. Amber says anything and everything Danielle wants to hear and more which gets a big old smile from Danielle, who has more bones visible through her skin than a science class skeleton. Dick and Eric are having buddy talk and patting themselves on the back for being so cool and such a rocking force in the house. Both of them discuss wanting to backdoor Jen, and I fear some more. Eric says to Dick that he wants to, and immediately tells the DR that it’s not what he wanted. Danielle walks outside and bitches about how she’s awake at 2 AM and she seems to jump at the idea of backdooring Jen. Ugh.
It’s time for the veto meeting, and Danielle walks through the normal procedure. Jameka says that she’s sure Danielle already knows what she’s doing. Amber says something about the experience, stifles tears, and tells Danielle she’ll respect the decision. Danielle has weighed out her options and she chooses to use the POV on Amber. Jen immediately senses what’s up and gets into a position where she can easily get off the couch. Lo and behold, she chooses Jen, saying it’s nothing personal (it is) and calls it a life changing opportunity for SOME of us and she doesn’t think Jen deserves it as much as other. Doesn’t that kind of define personal attack, not to mention incredibly bitchy? Jen vows that “when” she stays next week, she’ll be targeting Dick and Danielle for the rest of the season. I love this girl’s moxie. Of yeah, we almost forgot about the mystery trip, which is Danielle and Amber being whisked off to NYC to compete on the new CBS show “Power of 10” to compete for up to 10 million dollars. Also, we can vote for whom we want Eric to target. I feel like this is as good a time as any to tell you that after this week, I’m giving up on this show. Because most likely Jen will be eliminated, meaning there will be no one likeable left in the house. Well, that and the matter that I’m going back to college (Go Connecticut College Camels, even though we kind of suck at most sports!) and don’t feel like wasting some of the precious time I have to watch TV on this house filled with disgusting people. So this upcoming eviction will be my last recap of BB. I hope that doesn’t disappoint anyone. But don’t worry; I’ll make up for it with other content. And recaps of other, better shows once the TV season starts.
On The Lot 8/21. And The Contract Goes To...
Well, tonight is the night. The last night that Adrianna Costa will stumble her way through mundane lines. The last night Carrie Fisher will say something completely out of left field (Anyone else remember when she said something about how she hates when men leave her for other men? I do). The last night Garry Marshall will say something idiotic and quote a dead person with no relevance to the situation. And tonight is the last night we will have to watch these three directors with varying amounts of talent make usually only half decent 3 minute movies in an attempt to win a contract to make good ninety plus minute movies, something none of them can most likely do. As our directors walk onto the soundstage set through a car that is miraculously sitting outside the fake theater, Adrianna stumbles over her last opening and I marvel how Jason has the gall to wear a baseball hat with a nice suit. Tonight, Adrianna is in a long red number with a big flower sticking out of the side of her head. Since when are the Carrie and Garry the epitome of Hollywood class and style as Adrianna calls them? I don’t think so Adrianna. We go into the first video package, which is basically a self-congratulatory effort with the show complimenting their own “Hollywood quality” movies with “talented casts and crews”. Again, show, I don’t think so. What is interesting is how much better the editing is on the montage than on any film made this year. Really shows you how talented our directors are. Adrianna asks the eliminated filmmakers some questions, like whether more-talented-than-anyone-else Zack is surprised he’s not in the finale, whether Tony Scott wannabe Marty Martin thought the experience was worth it, and whether Shira-Lee is more prepared for Hollywood because women can’t take the experience without On The Lot’s preparation. Then we get some outtakes of originally not-funny movies. Guess what? They’re still not funny.
As we reenter the fake movie theater, we get clips from movies involving cars, aka Ford Products. Adrianna reminds us that some aspect of the show was good enough to garner an Emmy nomination. The next time-killer is our final three directors picking their favorite movies by other directors. Adam is up first and picks Zach’s “Die Hardly Working”, which was one of his weaker efforts, but still better than anything Jason put out. Will is up next, and chose Hillary’s “Under the Gun”, the completely horrid sperm bank robbery comedy from Hillary. I guess Will can make decent movies but he doesn’t have decent taste in them. After re-living the horrendous experience of watching the sperm bank comedy, we get a recap of all the inane things that the judges said. Well, not everything. Because that would take a few hours. Oh, and remember that Carrie comment I mentioned earlier? Well, so did the editors…
We’re back, and Jason’s choice for his favorite movie is Mateen’s action movie, which I remember being the best from that week. Well, I guess Jason can’t make decent movies but he does have decent taste in them. Huh, he’s the inverse Will. Adrianna tells us that that was the last film of the season and launches into a video package about the “fantastic actors”. I’d call about 4 of them good, so to me this video package is mostly idiotic. Though I do finally learn Eric Cahill’s name, who was really nice to watch, if you catch my drift. Turns out up till this, her biggest role was either as the Pink Time Force Power Ranger or in the mercifully short-lived FOX sitcom “Free Ride”. I somehow don’t think this’ll be the career boost she needs.
And we’re back with Adrianna talking about their record-breaking vote tally, even though a massive technical glitch screwed up Internet voting. Good to know that a lot of effort is put into this show. We get yet another video package, this time with our final three directors talking about themselves over clips of their movies. No one wows me in their discussions of themselves or their movies. Carrie gives last words of advice talking about how she hates endings as much as being judgmental. I wonder where a man leaving her for other men falls on that chart. She calls them all winners as says they’ll all work in this town again. It’s time to get down to business, and Adrianna recaps everyone’s repeats from last week. America voted, and our favorite director is not Adam, who arguably was the most likely to produce a decent full-length movie. He smiles and Adrianna rubs his shoulder. He thanks his fans and repeats the company line of “great casts and crews” and tells us he’s not done. Garry tells us someone once complimented him. Good for you Garry, want a cookie? But there’s no rest for the marginally-talented as Adrianna immediately brings Will and Jason back to center stage to announce that the winner of On The Lot is… going to be announced after the break. Oh Adrianna Costa, you buxom trickster you.
We come back and both Jason and Will are sitting in the audience, as a voice announces Adrianna Costa, here to announce the winner of On The Lot. And see, here I thought she was announcing best sound editing on a made-for-television movie. The winner of On The Lot is…. Will Bigham, meaning the partially talented defeats mildly talented. But seriously, Will made some decent movies, including his adorable lamp movie. Will thanks God first and foremost, prompting much applause from the audience, who are apparently from God, because that’s the only reason an audience screams, right? When the place they’re from is mentioned, right? He also thanks the competitors, his family, etc. Garry compliments Jason and tells him he’ll go onto great films, and says Will will be doing it sooner. Garry quotes someone without telling whom it is, and they put Will into a car on his way to meet Steven Spielberg. Adrianna thanks us for an amazing season of movies and memories (which are, precisely?), but tells us it’s not over yet, because we get to watch Will walk through the gates of DreamWorks. Because guys walking though gates makes great TV.
It’s been a dream come true for Will, who, in a clearly pre-recorded car ride, goes to meet the great bearded man and gets a hug. Spielberg says it’s great to meet him, and tells him that Yes Men, Lucky Penny, and Glass Eye were his favorites, showing that he actually watched the show. He wishes him well and they walk onto the lot together and they lived happily ever after. The end, and can I just say “Thank God.” Goodbye Adrianna, Carrie, Garry, and all you other people who I insulted. I honestly can say I won’t miss you.
As we reenter the fake movie theater, we get clips from movies involving cars, aka Ford Products. Adrianna reminds us that some aspect of the show was good enough to garner an Emmy nomination. The next time-killer is our final three directors picking their favorite movies by other directors. Adam is up first and picks Zach’s “Die Hardly Working”, which was one of his weaker efforts, but still better than anything Jason put out. Will is up next, and chose Hillary’s “Under the Gun”, the completely horrid sperm bank robbery comedy from Hillary. I guess Will can make decent movies but he doesn’t have decent taste in them. After re-living the horrendous experience of watching the sperm bank comedy, we get a recap of all the inane things that the judges said. Well, not everything. Because that would take a few hours. Oh, and remember that Carrie comment I mentioned earlier? Well, so did the editors…
We’re back, and Jason’s choice for his favorite movie is Mateen’s action movie, which I remember being the best from that week. Well, I guess Jason can’t make decent movies but he does have decent taste in them. Huh, he’s the inverse Will. Adrianna tells us that that was the last film of the season and launches into a video package about the “fantastic actors”. I’d call about 4 of them good, so to me this video package is mostly idiotic. Though I do finally learn Eric Cahill’s name, who was really nice to watch, if you catch my drift. Turns out up till this, her biggest role was either as the Pink Time Force Power Ranger or in the mercifully short-lived FOX sitcom “Free Ride”. I somehow don’t think this’ll be the career boost she needs.
And we’re back with Adrianna talking about their record-breaking vote tally, even though a massive technical glitch screwed up Internet voting. Good to know that a lot of effort is put into this show. We get yet another video package, this time with our final three directors talking about themselves over clips of their movies. No one wows me in their discussions of themselves or their movies. Carrie gives last words of advice talking about how she hates endings as much as being judgmental. I wonder where a man leaving her for other men falls on that chart. She calls them all winners as says they’ll all work in this town again. It’s time to get down to business, and Adrianna recaps everyone’s repeats from last week. America voted, and our favorite director is not Adam, who arguably was the most likely to produce a decent full-length movie. He smiles and Adrianna rubs his shoulder. He thanks his fans and repeats the company line of “great casts and crews” and tells us he’s not done. Garry tells us someone once complimented him. Good for you Garry, want a cookie? But there’s no rest for the marginally-talented as Adrianna immediately brings Will and Jason back to center stage to announce that the winner of On The Lot is… going to be announced after the break. Oh Adrianna Costa, you buxom trickster you.
We come back and both Jason and Will are sitting in the audience, as a voice announces Adrianna Costa, here to announce the winner of On The Lot. And see, here I thought she was announcing best sound editing on a made-for-television movie. The winner of On The Lot is…. Will Bigham, meaning the partially talented defeats mildly talented. But seriously, Will made some decent movies, including his adorable lamp movie. Will thanks God first and foremost, prompting much applause from the audience, who are apparently from God, because that’s the only reason an audience screams, right? When the place they’re from is mentioned, right? He also thanks the competitors, his family, etc. Garry compliments Jason and tells him he’ll go onto great films, and says Will will be doing it sooner. Garry quotes someone without telling whom it is, and they put Will into a car on his way to meet Steven Spielberg. Adrianna thanks us for an amazing season of movies and memories (which are, precisely?), but tells us it’s not over yet, because we get to watch Will walk through the gates of DreamWorks. Because guys walking though gates makes great TV.
It’s been a dream come true for Will, who, in a clearly pre-recorded car ride, goes to meet the great bearded man and gets a hug. Spielberg says it’s great to meet him, and tells him that Yes Men, Lucky Penny, and Glass Eye were his favorites, showing that he actually watched the show. He wishes him well and they walk onto the lot together and they lived happily ever after. The end, and can I just say “Thank God.” Goodbye Adrianna, Carrie, Garry, and all you other people who I insulted. I honestly can say I won’t miss you.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Belated Welcome Back: Nancy Botwin
I thought I had posted this last Sunday, but I guess I didn't. So here it is now, updated for this week:
Last Monday brought the return of one of my favorite comedies, Weeds. Weeds is all about Nancy Botwin, everyone’s favorite drug-dealing soccer mom, and her struggles to keep her family afloat and keep her business going despite the DEA and her rivals. Last season ended with the awesome cliff-hanger of multiple guns pointed at Nancy’s head, her older son Silas about to get busted with all of Nancy’s stash, and younger son Shane driving off with the crazy ex-girlfriend of Andy, Nancy’s brother-in-law.
The season opener did a very good job of dealing with all those story lines as well as creating a forward story motion for season three. I’ve seen the first four episodes of the season, and the story lines stay good and fresh. The addition of mega-community with a religious affinity Majestic, which surrounds Agrestic, could be an interesting twist, especially considering the romantic relationship they seem to be creating between Nancy and the head of Majestic played by Matthew Modine. Also of note is the addition of Mary-Kate Olsen as Silas’ new girlfriend, a religious toker. While I have not seen her, I’m looking forward to the idea. Here’s hoping Bob Saget can make a cameo, which would only make Weeds all the more enjoyable.
Big Brother 8/19. It's Called Beirut People! Pong Involves Paddles...
Previously on Big Brother, Jessica won HOH, targeted the Donatos, Dick won veto and “sacrificed himself for his daughter”, Dustin was smug, Eric chose 10 grand over a possible 500, and Dustin was evicted and the “rock and roll dad lived to see another day” and was incredibly smug about it. As we come back, Amber is immediately crying. Dick is still being smug, and thinks that this validates his behavior from earlier in the week. No, Dick. It doesn’t. It shows that you’re being edited like a saint, not a sinner. Eric is pleased with his idiotic gameplay. He still has not caught on to the fact that America is trying to screw him over. I’m glad. Let him be an idiot to his heart’s content, and then have it all hit him that he’s royally screwed. Amber is crying again and talks about how she hasn’t played anybody yet in this game. Not quite true, but she’s mentally unstable so I’ll let her have this one. Jameka very correctly points out that Dustin saved Eric and Eric paid him back by evicting him. Oh, yeah Danielle won HOH, meaning her dad will only be more insufferable this week. He’s already being smug in the Diary Room saying that this is “storybook”. No Dick, I’d use the word “rigged”. Whatever. Apparently, Danielle gets the smug genes from her father, as she’s going around taunting people. Dick is telling Danielle that “we kicked ass.” Where did Dick figure into her HOH win? Was his early elimination a crucial factor in Amber being an idiot? It’s time for the HOH room reveal, and they all focus on everyone having bad hair. But Zach points out that there are no pictures of real BF Kris and that there’s a letter from showmance Nick that looks glittertastic. Eric calls it very accurately a “13 year old girl creation”. Danielle is really excited that the letter is from Nick. Wow, guess that makes the BF feel super-duper. Amber is immediately sucking up to Danielle and is playing the future vote card. I’m starting to become convinced that the show is really trying to get Danielle to win. I mean, I haven’t heard anyone being offered future votes, her rival just happens to be one of the people who would easily sacrifice themselves for her in the game, oh, and she was underage when the show began, which is not supposed to be allowed.
When we come back, we’re getting back we get a video package of what an idiot Amber is, not understanding basic words like “ridicule”, “charming”, “perceived” and “peanut gallery”. Wait, I’m pretty sure they just inserted a laugh track into the show. I like the touch, but it kind of takes away from “reality TV”, doesn’t it? Eric and Amber are now talking, and Eric is lying a lot and Amber is none the wiser. He says nothing was planned and Amber doesn’t think that their alliance is dead. In the DR, Amber says that she’s just playing him. I doubt it. Now, it’s a second video package, this time regarding beer pong, which they play every night. But now, they’ve tacked on wagers. The first one involves Eric wearing booty shorts. The second one involves Eric and Jess swapping clothing. The show takes a lot of pleasure in Eric’s misfortune. I guess THEY picked up on the trend of us hating him. Now, Dick is qualifying his actions to Jameka and Amber and is dissing Dustin but Amber and Jameka don’t buy it.
It’s time for the food competition, and it’s a Toga party beer pong game. Eric and Jessica are immediately beyond happy, but really, everyone looks excited for “Slop Pong”. The red team of Eric, Dick, Jess, and Zach start with an early lead, but blue keeps catching up, making it a 9-9 tie at the end, before Eric sinks the winning shot, giving the red team food and resigning the blue team to slop. The entire house also earns a feast. While they’re outside, the table gets smaller. Danielle immediately whines that it means she has to sit closer to people. Has she ever said anything about enjoying this experience? Or did I just miss it in between all the whining, pouting, and crying about how much she hates everyone and it’s not fair because they hate her back?
Eric and Jess are talking and Eric officially calls them badasses. Dick tells them to kiss and Jess admits that Julie asked her about them upstairs. Jess lies about her answer and it’s “(Jazz Hands) Awkward!” afterwards. Danielle still doesn’t know what she’s doing in terms of nominations and makes and “ugh” sound. Jen asks whether there’s a chance she’ll be nominated, prompting Danielle to tell the DR she doesn’t trust her. Eric is supposed to get Amber nominated this week. Maybe I’m wrong about America hating Eric, unless they just hate Amber more. He immediately tries to convince them that Amber should not float through the game. They eat out of his hands and Danielle calls him “so mean.” Then in the DR she tells the camera she doesn’t trust Eric. Keep whining Danielle, it’s really endearing. Eric’s next task involves giving something called a “woobie” to someone. It’s supposed to be a childhood memory. I think it just looks like a stuffed animal with a creepy name.
It’s nomination day and Danielle looks contemplative by the memory wall. I’m just impressed she’s not pouting. Jameka and Amber both know they’re going up, and Jen is still worried, because Daddy and Daughter both targeted her earlier on. In a surprise to no one, Jameka and Amber are the nominees. Both believe that God will give them the veto and keep them in the house. Uh oh, did we just catch God playing multiple people in the house? Bad God, bad. Oh, and Danielle just admitted in the DR that Jen is her real target. Will Danielle pout some more? Will Dick follow God around the house calling him a liar? Will Eric give someone his woobie? Will we be lucky enough to have more of these Dick-Lite episodes? Find out next time on Big Brother….
When we come back, we’re getting back we get a video package of what an idiot Amber is, not understanding basic words like “ridicule”, “charming”, “perceived” and “peanut gallery”. Wait, I’m pretty sure they just inserted a laugh track into the show. I like the touch, but it kind of takes away from “reality TV”, doesn’t it? Eric and Amber are now talking, and Eric is lying a lot and Amber is none the wiser. He says nothing was planned and Amber doesn’t think that their alliance is dead. In the DR, Amber says that she’s just playing him. I doubt it. Now, it’s a second video package, this time regarding beer pong, which they play every night. But now, they’ve tacked on wagers. The first one involves Eric wearing booty shorts. The second one involves Eric and Jess swapping clothing. The show takes a lot of pleasure in Eric’s misfortune. I guess THEY picked up on the trend of us hating him. Now, Dick is qualifying his actions to Jameka and Amber and is dissing Dustin but Amber and Jameka don’t buy it.
It’s time for the food competition, and it’s a Toga party beer pong game. Eric and Jessica are immediately beyond happy, but really, everyone looks excited for “Slop Pong”. The red team of Eric, Dick, Jess, and Zach start with an early lead, but blue keeps catching up, making it a 9-9 tie at the end, before Eric sinks the winning shot, giving the red team food and resigning the blue team to slop. The entire house also earns a feast. While they’re outside, the table gets smaller. Danielle immediately whines that it means she has to sit closer to people. Has she ever said anything about enjoying this experience? Or did I just miss it in between all the whining, pouting, and crying about how much she hates everyone and it’s not fair because they hate her back?
Eric and Jess are talking and Eric officially calls them badasses. Dick tells them to kiss and Jess admits that Julie asked her about them upstairs. Jess lies about her answer and it’s “(Jazz Hands) Awkward!” afterwards. Danielle still doesn’t know what she’s doing in terms of nominations and makes and “ugh” sound. Jen asks whether there’s a chance she’ll be nominated, prompting Danielle to tell the DR she doesn’t trust her. Eric is supposed to get Amber nominated this week. Maybe I’m wrong about America hating Eric, unless they just hate Amber more. He immediately tries to convince them that Amber should not float through the game. They eat out of his hands and Danielle calls him “so mean.” Then in the DR she tells the camera she doesn’t trust Eric. Keep whining Danielle, it’s really endearing. Eric’s next task involves giving something called a “woobie” to someone. It’s supposed to be a childhood memory. I think it just looks like a stuffed animal with a creepy name.
It’s nomination day and Danielle looks contemplative by the memory wall. I’m just impressed she’s not pouting. Jameka and Amber both know they’re going up, and Jen is still worried, because Daddy and Daughter both targeted her earlier on. In a surprise to no one, Jameka and Amber are the nominees. Both believe that God will give them the veto and keep them in the house. Uh oh, did we just catch God playing multiple people in the house? Bad God, bad. Oh, and Danielle just admitted in the DR that Jen is her real target. Will Danielle pout some more? Will Dick follow God around the house calling him a liar? Will Eric give someone his woobie? Will we be lucky enough to have more of these Dick-Lite episodes? Find out next time on Big Brother….
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
