Aargh Mateys! Here Be A Pirate Master Recap. It be 6/28

After a recap that seems entirely too long, we get post-pirate’s court reactions. Joe Don is glad he bought the pardon anyway, as insurance. Nessa is flirting with Ben, and Sean tells the camera that he’s going to punch her if she doesn’t stop flirting with people. Nessa seems to be stirring up trouble in general. Jupiter steps in to side with Sean in the building Sean-Nessa feud, who Sean is now intent on cutting adrift. I hope not though. With the loss of Azmyth going crazy with a captain’s hat, this show needs some good drama. Nessa seems like the person to provide it. As opposed to the roughly 7 people who have yet to have more than 5 minutes of alone camera time.

Azymth seems to have lost his British accent. We finally hear something from Christa, and it’s the same generic “I’m doing this for my child” excuse. Christa’s cleavage is imprisoned for the first time of the series. This week’s treasure is from our ship’s pilot, who was apparently an incorrigible gambler. If he was even remotely real. At first glance, the red crew would seem to be stronger, with Ben, Jupiter, Azmyth, and Jay. This week’s trek involves a voodoo forest and blackjack. The black crew is the first to their blackjack card, which tells them to go back to their anchor and use a spyglass to find a heart on the horizon. They encounter some problems involving a wet spyglass, but Christa, for the second time in the entire series, does something of any distinction by correctly pointing out that it is most likely on the island on the horizon. No one appears to listen to her though.

After what appears to be enough time for the red crew to catch up, the black crew finally listens to Christa, and they narrowly beat red to the island, and eventually it comes down to digging luck under the tree. Christa abandons a hole and Jay digs a little more and discovers the treasure, giving the red team a win. Christa is correctly pissed at herself. Louie and Joe Don smooth everything over, Louie claiming an end to vengeance. The red crew wins itself 40 grand, which pisses Christa off even more. Azymth is captain again, and hopefully, the accent returns as well. Despite awkward smiles from Jupiter and Kendra, Azmyth selects Ben and Jay as his seconds. Azmyth follows the trend and splits all the gold equally between the red crew. Sean convinces Jupiter to bid on the pardon so that Nessa can’t get it, but sneaky and suddenly my favorite castaway Nessa has been eavesdropping from the top of the galley, swearing that her enemies better watch out. May I be the first to give Nessa a big thanks for breathing some life and piracy into the show.

Nessa pulls Joe Don aside and they hatch a scheme to guarantee Nessa’s safety by supplementing her original bid of 6 grand with another 3.5, 2.5 of which is Joe Don’s. Jay is worried that Laurel votes with her heart, and is therefore threatened. Azmyth’s British accent is back (thank the lord), and he proves that scheming just sounds better in British accents. They realize how much Nessa is bidding, so they decide to screw her over and not put her up. Instead, up goes Louie (because he asked for it), Sean (because Jay doesn’t like him), and Laurel (because Jay can’t control her). Who let Jay take over complete and total control of this game? Seriously, kudos to him, because he seems so utterly unlikeable, but he has majorly played this game and got everyone wrapped around his finger.

All three have strikes against them, which could make this the most interesting vote of the season so far. Laurel’s neutrality is working against her, while Louie’s bad sportsmanship and Sean’s apparent knack of pissing off those in power has him in the hot seat. The officers seem to be attempting to swing it to Sean, which worries Jupiter. Jay notes that if Sean has the pardon, Jay may very well be screwed.

At pirate’s court, Azmyth explains that middle of the road (in reference to Laurel) means that they are not on one side of the road or the other. Thank you Azmyth. Louie explains that he was the captain and he hopes they judge him well. Laurel doesn’t understand Azmyth’s complicated side of the road analogy. Azmyth immediately loses the British accent when challenged, but explains that Laurel also sucks at challenges. She declares her lack of sides and says she’ll do more. Sean says that it’s a game and that’s why he’s playing like it’s a game. Sean also plays the food card. Host Not Jeff Probst quickly tells Azmyth that he’s safe and there’s no mutiny. Laurel is also safe, because apparently, no one cares about her enough to vote her out. Sean has the most votes, but if he was the highest bidder for the Royal Pardon, which he wasn’t. Sean is cut adrift after wishing everyone good luck. Jupiter looks like she’s about to cry. Sean is surprised about his being cut adrift and blames the “triage” of guys who he thought he was friends with. The medical crew Sean? They couldn’t save you. The moral of this weeks piracy lesson kids? Don’t ever get on a used car salesman’s bad side. He will mess you up and get you cut adrift from a pirate ship somewhere in the Caribbean.

Next week sees Nessa flirting more and everyone worrying about the powerful boys club in power. I hope Jupiter seeks vengeance.