Big Brother 7/24. Mike Does Something.

Previously on Big Brother, Kail was the only person to vote to keep the gay guy, Kail realized she made a huge mistake (How Gob-like of her), Kail tried to backtrack on her mistake, Kail failed at backtracking, and Nick’s bad lines made Danielle cry, which made Dick contemplate nominating Nick, but frankly, we all knew it wasn’t happening, and Jen and Kail were put on the chopping block. Will tonight’s BB be as boring as Sunday’s? Is that even possible? We’ll see, as we reunite with our favorite black and white houseguests, reeling from a completely expected nomination ceremony. Well, mostly expected. Dick’s threat at Kail was mildly unexpected, and results in a big ole hug between them. Dick reiterates why he nominated the two of them. As if we didn’t get it the seventeen times you told the camera and screamed at them. Kail’s gonna fight to stay in, and it looks like she’s been crying, which makes me wonder if she’s secretly Amber. Maybe that’s the twist coming up. That Amber is actually seven houseguests. Lets see, whom have we seen crying? But my thoughts are sidetracked, because Jen says “Obvious” and shrugs her shoulders. Jen’s got thick skin clearly, so we know Amber can’t be Jen. One down, America; 10 more to check. Zach thinks he avoided nomination because he’s playing Dick’s game. No Zach, you avoided it because you’re hated more than Kail and Dick wants Kail gone. But nice try. Kail tells Dustin to think about a gameplan for her, like she owns him. It prompts several questions from me, like: Why is Kail using the homosexuals? Does Kail realize that Dustin is not a part of the town that Kail owns? Does anyone else find it funny that the house homophobe is from a town called Rainbow?

But I can’t ponder these questions either, because we’ve just dissolved into the backyard, where Dick is stating the obvious. “One of you two is going home this week.” Yes, Dick. That’s how the game is played. Someone goes home every week. Jen tries to distance herself as much from Kail as possible, which seems like a smart move, especially if she’s secretly Amber. Jen points out that Kail can easily stay because everyone hates her. Jen, seriously, like, I know I keep repeating it, but you’re amazing. I promise to stop gushing for a while about Jen, because even I realize it gets repetitive. Anyway, back to the show, where Zach is about to streak. Zach very stupidly gets them to promise to leave him a towel. You know if you’re gonna point it out, they’re gonna take it. Which of course they do. But Zach hid another one outside. Clever, Zach. They’re all pleased because he’s a man of is word. I’m pleased because everything was well blurred. Jen thinks it’s better for Kail to be Dick’s target because of possible Dick backlash. There’s talk of veto players and Kail tries to talk Jen out of using any of the strong guys. Kail, in front of Jen, says to Mike I have to win. Kail, you truly prove yourself stupider every day. Next, its time for Dick and Kail to talk. Kail tries to argue her case by saying that she’s the most passionate (O…K), loyal (you sold out your alliance), forgiving and non-judgmental (Do I even need to comment on this one?) person and that’s her problem. Kail sucks up to Dick as much as possible, but Dick still keeps telling her she’s going home. I understand you don’t like her dick, but to keep reiterating it? It’s a little cruel.

It’s time for Eric to vandalize someone’s property America! Who did you choose? I zone out a little, because I’m staring at a tie that’s hanging out of his pants. I hope this dressing mystery is solved later. I’m truly perplexed. Apparently, though, America hates Jen as much as the rest of this house (America, you continually disappoint me with your voting choices), and Eric sprays mustard on Jenth Degree. Fear not, America, though. The Jenth Degree shirt is clean again, because Jen is wearing it in the Diary Room discussing the incident, which she finds juvenile, but it doesn’t really faze her. Jen immediately blames Dick and Danielle. Accusations are flying around the house, but absolutely no one accuses Eric, by making threats against the vandal and stating that an investigation should be held. I still think the more pressing question is what that tie was doing in Eric’s pants. It’s time to choose the players for veto. Zach, Jessica, and Nick are picked, and I secretly gloat that the two people whom Kail least wanted participating are both chosen. Karma, Kail. It’s a bitch. Eric is chosen to host, and Dick decides its time to rattle Kail so that she’ll fail miserably in the veto competition. Kail warns Jen to stay away from Dick, and within seconds, Jen and Dick are in the storage room together. Alone. I wonder if Jen is going to accuse Dick of trying to kiss her as well. Terrible mental image as that is, my attention is drawn back to the screen by Jen not getting fazed by Dick telling her that Kail tried to sell her out. Apparently, only really bad pictures get to this girl. And possibly Kryptonite. I’m not sure, it’s just a theory for now. Dick continues to accuse Kail of things, Kail continues to deny, and Jen continues to be unfazed. The camera focuses on Kail, alone in the kitchen, looking like an absolute pariah.

Its time for the veto competition, and Eric is wearing what I can only assume is Julie Chen’s outfit for Thursday night. The veto players are sent to put on other wacky Julie Chen outfits, and this week’s competition involves standing on a pedestal and balancing a cup on your head. I wonder how this could be interesting at all. Kail is immediately eliminated and tells the rest that they can drop out. The other houseguests come out in other wacky Julie Chen accessories (the most perplexing/scarring of which is Mike dressed in Julie’s French maid outfit) and antagonize the players. Jessica is out next because she can’t help but laugh at Danielle with a mustache. Nick drops out next. Zach’s eliminated next, leaving Dick and Jen as the last two. Dick tries to talk Jen down, but Jen doesn’t trust Dick’s promise that she’s not going home. Jen smartly refuses because she wants to be sure she’s not going home, which Dick seems to believe is playing the game stupidly. I’m perplexed as to what Dick believes is strategy. Amber comes out dressed as a clown, and I’m wondering if she knows who Pagliacci is (the crying clown, for anyone else who didn’t know). Dustin does something involving flashing Jen and touching his nipples to get Jen unfocused. Mike sucks on a large baby bottle to throw Dick. It’s clear that Mike doesn’t quite get what’s going on. Kail and Mike’s comedy strategizing in the house produces something that they’re sure will get him. Mike goes outside in a coconut bra and opens a can of nuts, from which a bright red snake pops out. I would say that hilarity ensues, but it’s more sad when they play the unfunny music than anything else. Mike next tries a hula dance. It’s still a miserable failure. Mike eating mass amounts of whipped cream is also unfunny. Dick threatens Mike who doesn’t really respond. He tries an Indian headdress. Still no luck. Mike more pisses Dick out of the competition, and Jen wins. Dick tells him he’s going on the block. I’m not sure whether to be pleased that Mike’s finally done something of any mention in this game or shocked that someone could be that dumb. Dick proclaims his move as dumber than Marcellas.

Kail realizes her game is now completely dead, and she doesn’t want to campaign against Mike. She lifts up her hand so that we can’t see her crying and I’m more convinced that this is actually Amber. She claims it’s in Gods hands, not Evil’s hands. That was the strategy Amber employed too. Coincidence, I think not! Nick, Zach, and Jen are in the HOH room watching the screen, but Nick kicks them out. Dick asks Zach not to go in his HOH room (I guess that’s playing Dick’s game, Zach?), and Zach tells him that Nick basically invited him. Dick is furious, which he tells Amber. He sends Amber to kick Nick out and get his key. Amber refuses (probably for fear of crying). Dick tells Nick that the last thing he wanted was Zach and Jen together in his HOH room. Dick thinks that Nick, Zach, and Jen are an alliance, which pisses him off. Dick and Nick get into a fight, which has to wait until Kail leaves the backyard. Nick immediately stops talking about Zach and Jen and brings up his feelings for Danielle, threatening to banish nice Nick and bring out evil Nick. Dick tells Nick that he trusts no one 100%, but after this one, Dick’s not done fighting, because it’s time for Danielle to bitch at her dad. She tells him that he’s pissing off everyone because he’s on a power trip and talking down to everyone and that she’s getting the worst of it, which is clear from what we’ve seen about Danielle tonight. That mustache was being REALLY mean to her. Danielle acts like a whiny toddler, and Dick responds that he’s had to deal with her shit with Nick and that she’s keeping information from him. Danielle says she doesn’t want to sit upstairs and fight with him (didn’t she ask for this and immediately start yelling at him?). Dick doesn’t want to deal with this anymore and asks how to deal with her. Danielle whines a little more and walks out of the room. Dick throws a pillow in anger. After this they’re both moody in the backyard, and Dick offers family counseling after all this.

Dick, apparently, is questioning putting Mike up. He consults with Eric, Jameka, and the back of Jessica (who we never actually see). He’s a little worried about Nick flirting with his daughter, the boys, and the girls. We’re treated to the Jen staring at the photo wall contemplating nominations, and I can’t help but think that Kail looks like a cheap unattractive hooker in her photo. Now that’s one to cry over. Jen wants to look like a non-threat, pointing out that she’s won multiple challenges and doesn’t want to appear smart on top of that. Kail says that she would never ask Jen to use the power on her. Jen asks herself the same question and gives a fairly decent reason. Jen uses it on herself and Dick, who’s pleased to have been included in that Jenversation, says he’s going to do something unexpected. But tricky Dick nominates Mike, proving he has a grasp on sarcasm. Kail says it’s horrible to be sitting next to Mike. I think it’d probably be more horrible sitting next to Kail. Thursday promises an eviction, Julie Chen’s wacky antics, and America’s choice on whom to evict. I can’t wait.