On The Lot 7/17. Adrianna Costa Gets Some Action

Tonight, we’re told to expect “thrills and spills” from On The Lot. I hope that the thrill is that Adrianna is no longer hosting and that the spill is that the Carrie and Garry both were involved in toxic waste spills, and are therefore no longer able to judge. But, alas, Adrianna is back, wearing sequined garbage bad. She actually pulls it off (I mean, manages the outfit, not removes it. That would make this episode much improved. No luck though). Alas, Carrie and Garry are also both back. But first, to dispatch our two directors. Hillary realizes you now need to make great films, not just good films. If only Hillary could achieve either. Adam doesn’t think anyone should feel safe. Adrianna comes back alone again this week. The first director cut is Shalini. I liked her last movie. But she wasn’t going to win. The second director cut is Hillary, cutting the last female director (how Hillary was the last female director is beyond me). She shouldn’t have made it this far. So no big loss. But somehow, Kenny Luby is in the final 8. America, you beguile me. Apparently, Carrie and Garry are triple threats. Whatever you say Adrianna. Our guest judge this week is Antoine Fuqua who made the awesome Training Day. But he also made the abysmal King Arthur.

Sam is up first this week, with his movie “Key Witness”. I really wanted to like it. I wanted to. I think Sam is talented. But there was something fundamentally missing to it I thought. Yeah, it was well shot and everything, but there wasn’t enough inciting action to make me interested in all the running. It was just kind of a lot of running, because the gunfire was horribly unrealistic. I will say, however, that I liked the trick ending with the key. Carrie thought the action was good but it overwhelmed the story and that he could have done better. Antoine thought it was good but was a little bit of style over substance, and that he missed some good moments for humor. Gary has a soft chair and buys his locks from JC Penney.

Adrianna fawns over Antoine and who he’s worked with. Jason is up next doing an action comedy that’s heavier on the comedy. His short, “Sweet”, was mildly funny and lacking action. The conceit was clever enough (everyday action), but the visual style with the staccato editing and still shots was really aggravating. That being said, it’s probably his best movie so far. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Carrie announces that this is her favorite movie of his so far as well. Although, it should be noted, that that is not hard when you’ve made movies about killing the mentally challenged, messianic drug dealers, and bimbo moms who are gonna get stabbed. Antoine loved it, especially that he focused on the character. Garry likes love action. CREEPY.

Adrianna likes romance, so she’s pleased to know next week is romantic comedies. Andrew is up next, and basically announces that his film is nothing more than a big car chase. At least he’s honest. If Andrew is to fail, he wants to fail big. Admirable, Andrew. Admirable. His short, “Zero2Sixty” definitely falls closed to the zero than the sixty for me. The car chase was mildly entertaining, but I found the main character to be so incredibly aggravating that I was hoping the FBI agent would push him out of the car and drive over him. And the ending was so corny and unfunny, not to mention that the FBI agent would never be able to use that money. It’s evidence. Way to botch the facts Andrew. I mean, you had your facts straight the first week. You got the Alien barfing look perfectly. But you couldn’t abide by normal chain of evidence rules? Also, Andrew, could your Ford product placement have been any more blatant. Well, at least Ford wasn’t in your title. Carrie thought he did a really good job and it was an inventive idea. Antoine thought he did a good job but that it maybe veered too much into action-comedy but that it was really well cast. Garry Marshall gets passed by school buses and wants Andrew and Jason to change hats. Speaking of school buses, I’d be willing to bet that Garry Marshall rode the short bus. Any takers?

Adrianna starts talking to the actors. They all look glad to be onscreen but mildly uncomfortable to have been a part of this show. Kenny is making a skateboarding action movie this week. Now, Kenny started off making skateboard movies, so this is the first time I’ve ever been mildly excited for a Kenny Luby production. His short, “The Losers” is, and I’m shocked to be typing this, half-decent. Well, wait. Let me amend that. It’s half decent once the action starts. Kenny’s filming of the skateboarding scenes is really really good. I can finally see why he was accepted into this competition. However, the rest of the movie is terrible. Poorly acted, poorly shot, poorly written. The biggest problem, however, is that it seems like 2 different movies stitched together. The skateboarding doesn’t mesh with the crappy other stuff. Oh, I forgot. Kenny, what the hell was the random shot of the talking lizard? Just wondering. Carrie thought Kenny has an awesome eye, but that he needs to develop ideas and story better than focusing on shooting. Antoine thought the geography was somewhat botched and that the visual style was a little all over the place. Garry finally admits that he’s absolutely bewildered and tells us that his neck has a kink in it.

Mateen is up last. This is the first time he’s ever done an action movie. He’s worried because of time and budgetary limitations. He shouldn’t be. His movie, “Catch”, blows everyone else’s out of the water tonight. He’s the only one to truly have a beginning, middle, and end, plus good action. The car hitting the guy on the bike looked awesome and the chase was more believable than anyone else’s. My only complaint would be that the inciting incident wasn’t enough to warrant that chase. Carrie thought he did a good job and that he executed it well. Antoine at first thought it was too much, but he re-evaluated and thought it was good. Garry wanted more bubbles with thinks like “pow” and “wham” in them and wants to see people run in heels. Why has Garry not been committed somewhere?

When we come back, we’re treated to another look at some of the stunts, and then we get to thank the stuntmen. We get to hear the judge’s favorites (Carrie liked Andrew’s, Antoine and Garry liked Jason’s), and learn again that next week is comedies with a romantic tinge.

My Top’s of the Night:
1)Mateen- Far and away the best of the night. The most convincing action, the least aggravating characters. A big success.
2)Kenny- Yes, Kenny. I was as shocked as you are. Granted, it was only good for about a minute of it, but that’s still a minute more than three of your competitors.
3)Sam- Sam’s was well shot, but it lacked any sort of rising motion. It was kind of just two people running.
4)Jason- A mildly clever conceit, poorly executed and acted.
5)Andrew- An Utterly hateable lead and an only mildly interesting car chase place Andrew at the bottom of the list tonight.