Big Brother 7/17 or "How Jen Proved That She Does Indeed Know Chilltown"

In our recap, we get reminders of Jen winning HOH, Nick being incredibly cheesy, Jen being melodramatic and unstable. Now, before starting this recap, I want to express something. Jen is my favorite houseguest. Hand’s down. After the opening credits, we learn that the house actually exists in an odd two-color palate during nomination ceremonies. Once it’s done, however, we’re back to color. Everyone reiterates the real reason for the nominations. Jen says, and I quote “I hope to crush people’s dreams.” This is why I love Jen. She’s freaking hilarious. Amber is crying about the nominations. Again. She wasn’t even nominated this time! C’mon God. Get Amber under control. Nick’s porn-star ‘stache is coming in nice and creepily. Dick isn’t upset about being nominated, but he is upset that he possibly won’t have as much time with Danielle as possible. Nick meanwhile, is revealing the entire Mrs. Robinson alliance to Danielle. Nick doesn’t trust those guys any more, but he trusts Danielle enough to reveal his alliance. Thus, proving himself untrustworthy. Ah, BB8 logic. Sometimes, it’s so hard you’d think you’d need to be a Jensa member to understand it. Danielle, meanwhile, learns that Nick is untrustworthy, so decides to divulge her age secret, but threatens to stab him in his sleep if he tells anyone. Zach is worried that Nick may be playing multiple sides. Zach thinks that if someone defects, the group falls. Yes, the three remaining ones cannot stand. Just like a table. Only tables with 3 legs can totally stand. On a completely different note, I wonder if when Jen goes to the bathroom she goes to the Jen’s room?

When we come back, it’s time for our America’s Choice. Eric has to sleepwalk into Joe’s bed. Eric is clearly flummoxed to be in Joe’s bed. Eric seems to be taking it all in stride, but he still fails in his task because he doesn’t wait until Joe kicks him out. Joe and Eric discuss it in the shower, and Eric denies, denies, denies. It’s time to pick veto players, and Jen manages to botch the very simple speech. Jen gets to pick and chooses Mike. Dani picks Joe and Dick picks Amber. Dustin is chosen to host, and next we see him and Amber pow wowing in the weight room. And yes, Amber is crying. Again. Seriously, I would hate to be with this woman at a funeral. Or a sad movie. Or any time. Ever. Jen comes in and tells Amber not to undo her nominations because then she might have to put up someone like Dustin, Amber’s biggest ally. I’m serious. Jen is freakin’ brilliant. She’s BLACKMAILING houseguests. That takes balls. Kudos Jen. Chilltown has taught you well. She tries the same thing on Joe. Doesn’t work quite as well though. Danielle confronts Jen about making Amber cry (although, this is a fairly easy task (I’m guessing she probably cries if she gets a bill in the mail), I see where she’s coming from) and Joe stands up as well and fights back. Pretty soon, shit is going down. Mike tries to back Jen up, Joe goes after Mike. Zach says that Amber’s a very emotional person in general. Out of nowhere, Jameka pops in to tell Zach that she thinks it’s more empathetic than emotional (believe me Jameka, as much as I like you, you’re wrong on this one). Zach snipes back that it’s nice that she’s finally talking to him. Aha! I was wondering if the show was ever going to mention the allegations of racism against Zach by Jameka. I’m guessing this is the result of that. Jameka walks away and Dick sees this as yet another opening to antagonize Jen, who takes it all in stride again. Jen then goes to apologize to Amber (who is surprisingly not crying), but Dick comes in and starts yelling at Jen again. Danielle walks in and walks out very quickly, most likely trying to avoid any rising floodwaters of possible Amber tears. Jen apologizes and leaves quickly, saying, “Oh Evil, you’re my best friend.” Seriously, I don’t get how the viewers can dislike Jen. She’s hilarious. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s favorite Italian city is Jenoa?

Veto time. It’s cutthroat Christmas. It’s a complicated game that mixes curling and Yankee trader. Joe is the first person eliminated and he picks a slop pass. Jen is out next. Jen is a good sport about having to wear a red unitard for the rest of the week. Mike is next out, and gets a Big Brother date. Dick is out next and wins a plasma TV. Amber is in the final round and is surprisingly NOT crying. Amber clearly throws the competition and wins the fun task of being handcuffed to another houseguest. Danielle wins the power of veto for the second straight week. Jen looks emotionless, but that may be because she has sunglasses on. She says she’s not sure what she’s going to do. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen has ever worked at a Jentlemen’s club (that’s a strip joint, for all of you who don’t know)?

Jen’s spanking new red unitard is fully embraced. She loves it and the fact that it exposes everything. We then get treated to a segment on Amber and Kail’s bondage. Amber thinks the experience will be a good one, because they’ll get to experience each other’s friends and totally bond as moms. Because last week that was working so well for you last week Amber. Keep playing the Mom card. Kail, meanwhile, looks like she’d rather be handcuffed to Jen. I don’t blame her. You don’t have to fear drowning with Jen. Just hilarity and being stabbed in your sleep. Eric tries again to get Jessica nominated. Jen just shuts him down. Completely and totally. Repeatedly. Over and Over again. It’s actually pretty funny to watch. At the end, Jen gets off the hammock which causes Eric to fall out. Seriously, my love for Jen just grows and grows. Nick is still playing the Mrs. Robinson alliance and getting them to work on getting Joe nominated. Zach works Jen hard, and Jen buys into it. Zach apparently has a master plan, and is feeding Jen breadcrumbs. Wouldn’t that make you a witch who eats children Zach? Just wondering. Jen doesn’t want to put up the person who everyone keeps telling her to put up. But everyone keeps pitching Joe. So she walks out of the HOH room. Jen decides to wander down to where Dani and Nick are flirting. She stands there for a few minutes, shoots daggers at them, and walks back upstairs to announce that Nick is whom she’s going to put up. Everyone looks so fed up. I love it. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen worked on the Human Jenome Project?

Danielle is clearly going to use the power of veto. But she doesn’t want to be the one who gets her dad out of the house. So the real drama is in whom Jen is going to put up. Danielle decides that this week is a harder decision than last week. Whatever you say Danielle, but I doubt that. Danielle trips over her words and eventually takes herself off the block. Big surprise. It’s Jen’s turn for drama. She says that her speech made it clear that Danielle has a “sweetness somewhere inside that I didn’t see before” She nominates Joe as the replacement, so that the house doesn’t get manipulated. Joe threatens Jen. Wow, that’s like becoming the house pastime, threatening Jen. Jen realizes Joe is big manipulative threat. We get to vote on whom we want Eric to get evicted. I’m voting for Joe. Dick is the second best houseguest there, right behind Jen. On a completely different note, I wonder if Jen’s door has a sign that says Jentrance over it? These Jen-puns weren’t as good as last time. I’m sorry. I was a little distracted while writing this. My apartment is flooding. I think Amber may be hiding in one of the rooms crying. I’m gonna go investigate…