On The Lot 7/31. These Qualify As Road Movies?

This week “On The Lot” is road movie week. Oh, and Jerry O' Connell week. You see, the winner of last week gets to work with him this week. Isn’t that a privilege to work with the star of Tomcats? Oh, wait. It’s not. I forgot. Adrianna pops up on stage in a long smog colored dress. I prefer it when she wears lingerie on stage. At least she’s mildly interesting then. This week, everyone is nervous. Andrew compares this competition to a round of golf, where you can have a bad week. It’s actually a kind of apt comparison, at least for some of the directors. I don’t quite think it applies to Andrew as well. . Adrianna pops up, announces it was a very close vote between Andrew and Zach. The director leaving the lot this week is Andrew. I’m pretty sure he was the least talented director left (it’s between him and Jason), so I don’t feel a big loss. Adrianna reiterates that this week is road movie week, which means a lot of Ford product placement. Last week’s top vote getter was Jason (Wha?) so he’s get the right to work with the wildly talented Jerry O’ Connell. We get reintroduced to our judges, but Garry Marshall is nowhere to be seen, except as a dismembered head. And I don’t mean in the good sense. Penny Marshall is holding up her brother’s cardboard head, because he couldn’t be here. This week’s guest judge is Gary Ross, a fairly talented director. How did they rope him into this?

Adam is up first, with another dance movie, about a car radio that makes people dance. It’s not a good sign if you’re repeating ideas and the competition isn’t even over. The movie is nowhere near as strong as his “Dance Man” short from the first week. That’s not to say its bad, its just not very good. Oh, and Tatyana Ali cannot play a cop. The dancing is fairly tame as well. Carrie thinks he clearly has something going on with musicals. Carrie laughed really hard (which she claims its tough to do) and loved it. Gary Ross found it unbelievably ambitious and proficient and charming. He thinks that the ending could have been a little cohesive, but still thinks its very well. Penny agrees and likes the choreography. Her comments prove that while annoying speech patterns run in the family, Garry clearly got all the crazy genes.

Sam is up next, but not before Adrianna informs us to stick around to find out next week’s logline, the winner of the competition. This week, Sam’s movie is about a backseat-driving test. It’s a funny enough, albeit old, concept. Sam recognizes he has to hit a home run this week. Unfortunately for Sam, this is more like a ground out. It’s not particularly funny, not particularly entertaining in terms of the car stunts, and the characters aren’t particularly enthralling. Was the Aussie guy supposed to be like Steve Irwin? Either way, it’s still not particularly funny. The only thing redeeming about it is the vaguely funny punch line. The more I watch this show, the more I think that there are only two talented directors. Carrie thinks it’s the best thing he’s done here because everyone’s parents are either backseat drivers or alcoholics. Ok Carrie. Gary Ross repeats the phrase “technically proficient” but wishes he’d developed the relationship with the main two characters. Penny delivers a useless quote (which she claims her brother made her day) and says that it probably is his best work. I wonder if any of these people were paying attention during horror week or week one.

We’re back and it’s time for Adrianna to make awkward chitchat with our guest director. She asks whether he prefers writing or directing. He says he likes both. Zach is up next, doing a sequel to the movie last week that almost got him eliminated. So from tonight it’s retreads and sequels. Zach hopes he can make it to the end and win this thing. I don’t doubt he will. This is far and away the best movie so far. It’s cute and much better than last week. The only problem is that it’s not a road movie. It’s a sci-fi/pirate movie with a car involved. So Zach, while I like your movie, you didn’t really complete the assignment. So far though, it’s not looking like that’s going to matter. Carrie thinks it was gutsy to make a sequel to an unliked movie, but says this was a lot better, and she only gets on him because he’s so talented. I really don’t want to think about Carrie Fisher getting on anyone. Unless it took place 30 years ago in a Princess Leia bikini. Gary Ross admits that he hasn’t watched the show (he didn’t see the first part) but thinks that the tone was great and fun. He sums it up by saying he did an excellent job. Penny Marshall is glad that he took their notes from last week. She rambles about chicken wire fence and I definitely see the relation to her brother. Adrianna’s cleavage appears to almost be popping out of her dress, and I don’t miss the lingerie as much.

It’s Jerry O’ Connell Time! Do you hear that everyone? Jerry O’ Connell is about to be on! You don’t care? Oh, no one cares? Good to know. Someone should tell the On The Lot producers. Jason continues to O’Connell suck-upage. Jason hopes that if people see he can direct a big name, people will take notice. Not if they’re watching On The Lot, they won’t. His movie starts off, and it’s clear to me that Jason does not quite know how to set up a car shot very well. Half of his stars head is out of frame, and part of it is blurry as well. Oh, and the ending of his movie is terrible. It doesn’t at all make sense with the rest of the dialogue leading up to it. It’s like he had originally made the ending that they were disposing of a mentally handicapped person, but then remembered that the judges didn’t like that, so he tacked on a completely different ending instead, involving pulling pranks on Asians. Carrie makes a joke about Jason always looking like a schlub. She didn’t quite get this, and thinks that the end doesn’t match up with the beginning and the middle. Gary was confused as well, and doesn’t understand any of the set up for the ending, which is why the payoff doesn’t work. But he compliments his shot technique for some reason. Penny quotes her brother, stumbles over her words, insults Asians, and pretty much confirms to me that she may be drunk. Adrianna shills Jason, but I’m distracted by what I’m pretty sure is body glitter on her cleavage. I thought only strippers wear that, but whatever. Maybe we just found out how Adrianna actually got the job.

Adrianna is back to continue sucking up to Jerry O’ Connell. He plugs his new show, which follows the utterly atrocious Cavemen. Will is our last director, and he’s doing the classic story of Man vs. Machine. I’m more intrigued as to why John Ratzenberger from Cheers and various Pixar movies is in the audience. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? Will plays the “doing it for my kids” card again, and again I think that people should stop abandoning their children to go on reality shows for them (I’m looking at you Amber from Big Brother). Well, I’m pretty sure this is Will’s weakest movie to date, especially compared to his adorable and awesome lamp movie from last week. The trucker in the movie seems to do little to no actual damage to the guy, and the ending doesn’t feel like a full payoff. I don’t know why, but I just feel shortchanged by the end. Carrie thinks that Will is an unbelievable original and she compliments his spirit. She says little to nothing about the actual film. Gary compliments his technique (Can he do anything else?) but thinks that the car could have been more of a character. Penny thinks that the film was set up by the package not the film but doesn’t understand why the guy hated the car as opposed to the traffic. Will makes goofy facial expressions like always and I become more confident that Adrianna has boob glitter.

Adrianna is back to announce the winning logline of the logline challenge. The directors next week have to do something about a guy waking up and not remembering the previous night. Adrianna says this is normal, and I wonder about Adrianna’ drinking habits, and the possible cause of the boob glitter. Carrie’s favorite was Adam. Gary’s was
Adam as well. Penny goes with Sam, but only because she doesn’t want to sweep.

My Rankings:
1)Zach- He didn’t quite follow the assignment, but his is the only one I would classify as good.
2)Will- The best of the bad, but only because it was well shot
3)Adam- Meh. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t that good.
4)Sam- Not very good, but at least he kept his actors in frame
5)Jason- Bad on every front. This really ought to get him kicked off the lot.