It’s time for yet another long, pointless Pirate Master recap. We get it: The triad was strong, Laurel doesn’t like the captain, Kendra’s useless. Mutiny was bandied about but failed. Will a freakin mutiny card ever get played? I doubt it. Joe Don was cut adrift. When we come back, everyone is walking back into the ship. The more I watch this show, the more I think everyone is drunk on rum all the time. They all seem to be stumbling on their words a lot more. Jay confronts Kendra about going back on her word. Everyone keeps bemoaning that they need to break the power up. Fine. Then mutiny. Or throw the freaking task. Quit bitching about it and not doing anything.
Apparently, the Ocean is a little rougher, meaning a few people are sick. But it’s expedition time. Host Not Jeff Probst opens the compartment himself (Ooh!). This week it’s the navigators treasure and it’s gonna take place on the River of Death. Not Jeff Probst whistles, causing everyone to go frantic and flip their heads to and fro, just in time to catch the ghosts of those cut adrift climbing back on board. Today is winner takes all, and if the ghost crew wins, they decide who gets black spotted. Not Jeff Probst fires the gun and they’re off. First, they have to find a coffin with a riddle. The riddle, it turns out is on the coffin door, so both crews desecrate the fake coffin and take to coffin doors. They need to look for a key hanging on the side of the river, along with a sabotage point. The ghost crew gets sabotaged, but scientist/exotic dancer John climbs a vine and pulls it down quickly. He was funny. I wish he was still on. Azmyth can’t work their compass right, allowing ghost crew to catch up. But John lost their key. Uh oh. But it turns out black crew may have gone the wrong way. This is like a battle of the idiots here. Jupiter points out that they’re probably going the wrong way. The ghosts are making great time until they realize they’ve lost the key. Hoo boy. This is gonna be a long challenge.
We’re back to Idiots v. Idiots, with the ghost crew searching for their key and the black crew searching for any direction. The ghost crew quickly finds the location of the key, but the key itself is still missing. The black crew is freaking out. Little do they know that the Tweedle-Dees are just as screwed. They get to the cemetery quickly though, and find the last clue to the location. Everyone pretty much hates John. Joe Don contemplates drowning John. But there’s no time for that, because the black crew has found the treasure. The ghost crew looks incredibly disappointed, as they should. Not Jeff Probst asks them what went wrong, and then forces them to disappear again. It’s a big payday for our pirates, with the treasure hitting 50 grand. Azmyth opts not to change his officers again. Big surprise. Back on the ship, Nessa and Louie are plotting mutiny. About time. Nessa brings it up to Jay, who seems to possibly bite at the idea, since he’s gonna have to get rid of Azmyth down the line. Could tonight’s Pirate Master finally bring some mutinous drama? I’ll believe it when I see it.
Jupiter is, apparently, not mutinous. Which she very stupidly tells Laurel, who seems to pick up on Jupiter’s. Jupiter, while eating dinner with everyone, basically tells Azmyth that everyone’s planning mutiny. Azmyth, in return, tells everyone that he’s been paying Jupiter more than them. Laurel pipes in. Nobody cares. Azmyth wonders whether, because she’s trying to warn him, it might be smart to cut Jupiter adrift. Wow. These people are truly idiots. They’re sure that Jupiter and Laurel are the ones getting the mutiny ball rolling. Jay calls Jupiter’s dinner table talk a stupid, stupid move. No, Jay, that’s what you’re doing. I don’t think Christa’s been on camera yet this episode. Is she still on the ship? They think Kendra is an easy person to black spot. They don’t like that Laurel talks back to them. They don’t like that Jupiter was trying to be their ally. These boys are such idiots. They don’t even show Christa when the spots are handed out. Seriously. Is she still there? Laurel threatens to pull all the fake dreads out of Azmyth’s head. Another question, when did Laurel become so cool. She wasn’t even there the first two episodes. Ness and Louie are plotting mutiny again. Nessa is happy that Jupiter’s plan backfired on her. Mutiny is being seriously bandied about. Could it actually happen?
It’s time for host Not Jeff Probst and Pirate’s court time. Wait, Christa was finally on screen. She’s still there. As is her cleavage. Good good. Kendra’s up because she sucks. Jupiter is up because Azmyth is an idiot and doesn’t realize an ally when they’re trying to protect him. Laurel is up because she doesn’t like the Triad. Laurel doesn’t think she has an attitude to but Azmyth. He tries to interrupt her but she promptly shuts him up and shuts him down by showing that he‘s no different than the rest of the crew. Christa finally speaks. Kendra should stay because she likes the experience and doesn’t give up. Jupiter’s pissed and reiterates that she wouldn’t mutiny, basically meaning, “Azmyth, you’re an humongous idiot douche.” Azmyth defends his captainship by saying that he’s winning and has two strong guys with him. No Azmyth, you’re trying to STOP mutiny. There are only 3 votes this week. But before they’re revealed, the pardon goes to Kendra with a bid of 4 grand. But she didn’t need it because she didn’t get any votes. Laurel is safe as well, meaning its Jupiter or Mutiny. But, of course, there’s no mutiny, because everyone is too chicken to mutiny. So Jupiter is cut adrift with 3 votes. She meditates as she floats away, and laments Azmyth’s change that came with power.
Next week all the pirates get drunk, Jay sets his sights on Christa (Creepy much), and Azmyth regrets going after his ally. As he should.
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