Big Brother 8/19. It's Called Beirut People! Pong Involves Paddles...

Previously on Big Brother, Jessica won HOH, targeted the Donatos, Dick won veto and “sacrificed himself for his daughter”, Dustin was smug, Eric chose 10 grand over a possible 500, and Dustin was evicted and the “rock and roll dad lived to see another day” and was incredibly smug about it. As we come back, Amber is immediately crying. Dick is still being smug, and thinks that this validates his behavior from earlier in the week. No, Dick. It doesn’t. It shows that you’re being edited like a saint, not a sinner. Eric is pleased with his idiotic gameplay. He still has not caught on to the fact that America is trying to screw him over. I’m glad. Let him be an idiot to his heart’s content, and then have it all hit him that he’s royally screwed. Amber is crying again and talks about how she hasn’t played anybody yet in this game. Not quite true, but she’s mentally unstable so I’ll let her have this one. Jameka very correctly points out that Dustin saved Eric and Eric paid him back by evicting him. Oh, yeah Danielle won HOH, meaning her dad will only be more insufferable this week. He’s already being smug in the Diary Room saying that this is “storybook”. No Dick, I’d use the word “rigged”. Whatever. Apparently, Danielle gets the smug genes from her father, as she’s going around taunting people. Dick is telling Danielle that “we kicked ass.” Where did Dick figure into her HOH win? Was his early elimination a crucial factor in Amber being an idiot? It’s time for the HOH room reveal, and they all focus on everyone having bad hair. But Zach points out that there are no pictures of real BF Kris and that there’s a letter from showmance Nick that looks glittertastic. Eric calls it very accurately a “13 year old girl creation”. Danielle is really excited that the letter is from Nick. Wow, guess that makes the BF feel super-duper. Amber is immediately sucking up to Danielle and is playing the future vote card. I’m starting to become convinced that the show is really trying to get Danielle to win. I mean, I haven’t heard anyone being offered future votes, her rival just happens to be one of the people who would easily sacrifice themselves for her in the game, oh, and she was underage when the show began, which is not supposed to be allowed.

When we come back, we’re getting back we get a video package of what an idiot Amber is, not understanding basic words like “ridicule”, “charming”, “perceived” and “peanut gallery”. Wait, I’m pretty sure they just inserted a laugh track into the show. I like the touch, but it kind of takes away from “reality TV”, doesn’t it? Eric and Amber are now talking, and Eric is lying a lot and Amber is none the wiser. He says nothing was planned and Amber doesn’t think that their alliance is dead. In the DR, Amber says that she’s just playing him. I doubt it. Now, it’s a second video package, this time regarding beer pong, which they play every night. But now, they’ve tacked on wagers. The first one involves Eric wearing booty shorts. The second one involves Eric and Jess swapping clothing. The show takes a lot of pleasure in Eric’s misfortune. I guess THEY picked up on the trend of us hating him. Now, Dick is qualifying his actions to Jameka and Amber and is dissing Dustin but Amber and Jameka don’t buy it.

It’s time for the food competition, and it’s a Toga party beer pong game. Eric and Jessica are immediately beyond happy, but really, everyone looks excited for “Slop Pong”. The red team of Eric, Dick, Jess, and Zach start with an early lead, but blue keeps catching up, making it a 9-9 tie at the end, before Eric sinks the winning shot, giving the red team food and resigning the blue team to slop. The entire house also earns a feast. While they’re outside, the table gets smaller. Danielle immediately whines that it means she has to sit closer to people. Has she ever said anything about enjoying this experience? Or did I just miss it in between all the whining, pouting, and crying about how much she hates everyone and it’s not fair because they hate her back?

Eric and Jess are talking and Eric officially calls them badasses. Dick tells them to kiss and Jess admits that Julie asked her about them upstairs. Jess lies about her answer and it’s “(Jazz Hands) Awkward!” afterwards. Danielle still doesn’t know what she’s doing in terms of nominations and makes and “ugh” sound. Jen asks whether there’s a chance she’ll be nominated, prompting Danielle to tell the DR she doesn’t trust her. Eric is supposed to get Amber nominated this week. Maybe I’m wrong about America hating Eric, unless they just hate Amber more. He immediately tries to convince them that Amber should not float through the game. They eat out of his hands and Danielle calls him “so mean.” Then in the DR she tells the camera she doesn’t trust Eric. Keep whining Danielle, it’s really endearing. Eric’s next task involves giving something called a “woobie” to someone. It’s supposed to be a childhood memory. I think it just looks like a stuffed animal with a creepy name.

It’s nomination day and Danielle looks contemplative by the memory wall. I’m just impressed she’s not pouting. Jameka and Amber both know they’re going up, and Jen is still worried, because Daddy and Daughter both targeted her earlier on. In a surprise to no one, Jameka and Amber are the nominees. Both believe that God will give them the veto and keep them in the house. Uh oh, did we just catch God playing multiple people in the house? Bad God, bad. Oh, and Danielle just admitted in the DR that Jen is her real target. Will Danielle pout some more? Will Dick follow God around the house calling him a liar? Will Eric give someone his woobie? Will we be lucky enough to have more of these Dick-Lite episodes? Find out next time on Big Brother….