Big Brother 8/2. Did God Want Everyone To Get Haircuts?

Previously on BB8, no one cared that Mike left, people cared that someone voted to keep Mike, Jen emoted, Jameka saw God in a ping pong ball, Amber cried repeatedly (no surprise there), Dick yelled at Jen (no surprise there), and Jameka did God’s work, threatening Danielle’s reason to be a whiny brat. It’s time for our weekly dose of the Chen-bot, who starts talking about God, making me ponder questions about whether God is in the machine (the Chen-Bot). Apparently, they’re calling Jameka’s god-craziness divine intervention. As much as I like Jen, I wouldn’t exactly call it divine intervention. We’re treated to the monotone end to the veto meeting, before we launch into Nick as his creepy mustache pondering why he was nominated. Amber can be seen crying on the couch making it 5 minutes before we see fresh Amber tears. Kail is shocked by the move, especially that Amber was able to support it through tears. Kail is shocked by the number of people who supported Dustin’s move. Nick confronts Danielle about whether she knew and she immediately huffs and hides her face in her hands. I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. Nick says again he’s looking out for Danielle. Nick is trying to figure out what exactly happens, and asks Dick and Eric, who stammers and tries to avoid getting blamed. Zach comes out but Nick banishes back into the house, prompting Zach to say, “I thought I was close to you dude.” Amber is crying again, marking 7 minutes as the time it took Amber to cry twice. Nick asks if she knew what happens, and she immediately lies to him and blames Dustin. Amber tells Nick she loves him so much, which prompts the question why lie blatantly to him. Danielle is at least telling the truth in that she tried her huffiest to keep him from getting nominated. Nick swears on his life that he wasn’t the second vote to evict Kail, but that’s apparently not enough for Danielle, who huffs again, pissing Nick off, who storms away from her. He goes to confront Dustin, who is standing over a crying Amber comforting her (that makes 3 times in 10 minutes America), asking if he thought Nick was gonna bitch and cry about it. I couldn’t think of a more apt place to ask than in front of a crying Amber. But enough Amber crying, it’s time for Dick to attack Jen again. This is the first of three over-the-line attacks that he launched at her that night, using words like “scumbag” and telling her to “go f**k herself”. He talks about how self-centered she is and how bad a person she is for crying after being nominated. She plays it off and doesn’t let him get to her. Good for you Jen. Danielle is in the bathroom whining to Eric when Jen comes in and apologizes to Danielle for having to deal with Dick for her entire life. This pisses Danielle off, because how dare someone point out that her father’s a total douchebag. Oh wait, Danielle has done that earlier this season. It’s amazing how memories slip Danielle. Nick is apparently really angry, because we go to him shaving his head with no precedence. Even though the producers made him delay it for two weeks. We cut back downstairs to Danielle now huffing about how Jen is mean to her. It’s turning into a real catfight, and now Nick, newly mohawked, comes in and calls Jen a dumb bitch. Danielle is huffing and puffing but god forbid someone attack Jen that’s not Dick, so he jumps in on the attack, pouring tea on Jen’s head after Jen points out that Danielle stole her boyfriend from an engagement, and she’s now cheating on him. Nick now launches into her, and Jen just continues to deflect it, which just proves that she’s a better person than either member of that family. What really pisses me off is how this is completely edited from the feeds. On the feeds, Dick was a lot more foul to her, going way beyond the line to the point that Jen felt threatened and the entire house basically got pissed at Dick and vowed to Jen to protect her if he goes any farther. But God forbid the show depict Jen but anything as a vapid bitch and Dick as a fun guy. Amber is crying again while discussing how her crying may screw her over later in the game. I ponder that statement and finally think that Amber has no handle on the concepts of irony.

Nick doesn’t want to campaign, which he tells Amber while campaigning to stay in the house. Now its time for Eric shaving his head, joking about how Eric will now be the new house Casanova. But it’s time for our America’s player shenanigans, and Eric has to try to get Kail evicted, which throws a wrench into his plans. Eric is disappointed that they don’t value his strategic input. Eric starts bashing Kail in front of everyone. Will it be enough? I doubt it. Eric tries to do it again in the LNC crew meeting, although he’s just playing Devil’s advocate. Danielle and Dick apparently, now that Nick seems to indicate that he would be with them, are thinking they shouldn’t go with the group anymore. Julie immediately asks about Nick’s new do. Amber compliments I and manages not to cry for the first time tonight. Eric says he’s not trying to emulate Nick. Jen was unfazed by the tea incident because she’s used to Dick. Dick won’t apologize, and he still acts like what he didn’t wasn’t a douche-tastic move. Jameka hopes that God put her in the house to win.

It’s time for our chat with Dustin, where he apologizes for putting Jameka in a compromising position but is happy he was greedy because now he’s got 5 grand and a trip to Barbados. He mentions that Dick can go too far at times, but he doesn’t really care, because Dick takes the brunt of everyone’s anger then. It’s time to plead their cases. Kail likes everyone and looks forward to more good times. Nick acknowledges that he knows he’s going home and addresses Danielle, telling her that she screwed up his strategy because he became smitten with her. He thanks her for their time in the house and says it will be hardest walking away from her. I’m guessing a lot of girls swooned at that. I rolled my eyes. It’s votin’ time. Jen votes to evict Nick. Zach votes to evict Kail. Jameka votes Nick because God wants her to, I’m guessing.

So far it’s 2-1 to evict Nick. Eric is forced to evict Kail, and says the tried to evict Kail but can’t promise anything. Jessica votes to evict Nick. Amber votes to Nick, and looks to be on the verge of tears. No surprise. Dick votes to evict Nick, officially evicting him. Danielle votes to evict Nick as well, suppressing tears. Amber is crying now, even though Danielle is mostly holding it together. Nick hugs everyone, kisses Danielle on the cheek, and walks out to the great Julie Chen in the sky. Julie immediately starts asking Nick about the showmance, and he says its up to Danielle. Julie asks Nick who the second Kail vote was last week, he blames Jen. But Julie enlightens Nick to the America’s Player twist, and he seems to smile about it. The goodbye messages involve Zach asking Nick for a beer, Kail telling him that it should be Zach, Dick telling him he shouldn’t have kept his alliance secret, Amber crying, and Danielle crying less and telling him that he means more to her than he thinks.

It’s time for the HOH competition, and everyone is sent to the backyard after a day of indoor lockdown. It’s an endurance competition involving sitting on a metal pendulum. A large number of houseguests laugh at how lame the competition seems so far. It’s time for our America’s choice question, where we can yet again vote on whom we want nominated. I’m splitting my votes between Amber and Dick. I now hate both of them pretty much equally. Watching this I’ve got a great idea for an endurance competition. Since so many people call them hamsters, why not give each of them a hamster wheel and they have to move it at a certain speed to stay in the game. Last one standing wins. That’d be pretty fun. Now we get a twist in the HOH competition. Everyone has to hang upside down. One more twist is that they have to get pelted with shaving cream that’s supposed to be bird poo. Oh Big Brother, you so funny. Bird poo. Hilarious.