Big Brother 8/9. An Eviction, Drama, And Aggravating Editing...

Previously on Big Brother, Danielle huffed and she puffed and she made drama in the house, Dick proved he can have a partially civil conversation, The Donatos (Dick and Danielle) proved they have very little understanding of strategy in attempting to sway someone’s best friend against them, God told Jameka to sit out the next 5 HOHS, and then Jen used the veto on her bunnytastic self and Eric went up on the block. Tonight’s Thursday which means its time for the Chen-Bot and her giant hair, which I’m guessing hides the off switch. Julie boringly recaps us on everything that we just heard. Julie warns us that an explosion like we’ve never seen is coming. Will Julie self-destruct? Nope, turns out that our explosion comes from, well, I don’t know. Because there’s no explosion. It’s Eric saying no one likes to be nominated and Kail saying that she doesn’t like being nominated against Eric. Ominous music pops up, but still no explosion as Amber swears on her daughters life (flash to photo of the daughter, but no dog. I thought they were equal Amber) that she’ll vote to keep Eric. Dick is talking alliance with Jen and Kail. Did I actually just type that? Maybe that’s why Julie explodes. But still no explosion. Instead, it’s Dick telling Amber that Eric has information that he plans to use against her that will, but doesn’t say what it is. It’s going to turn the God Squad against her though. Oooh, I know. But so will you America! Because it’s time for Amber to air her dirty fake abortion laundry to America, about lying to her boyfriend about being pregnant and getting abortions. Sucks to be the boyfriend watching this. But then again, sucks to be Amber’s boyfriend regularly. Dustin is trying to calm Amber down, and somehow she hasn’t cried about all of this yet. Apparently, Dick and Danielle see Amber as the weak link now, and they’re working her hard about Eric’s untrustworthiness. They’re pulling out all the stops, including the Nick card and the God card. I wonder if they’ll play on her anti-Semitic tendencies as well. Amber is still working on Dustin, who is now wearing a king’s cape. As if people didn’t have enough complaints about Dustin’s ego, he wears a king’s cape. Dustin is trying to introduce logic to Amber, but I’m thinking like that would be introducing love to the Chen-bot’s circuitry. Robots can’t love, unless they’re played by Robin Williams or Haley Joel Osment. Ooh, explosion! Amber is tearing into Eric, and for once I feel like she’s in the right. Danielle looks eerily close to a smile and I suddenly want to punch her bony ass in the face. Amber is playing the guilt card and I back her until she says that she’s never lied in the house, which is a lie. Eric smartly doesn’t saying anything. Amber says that Nick should be here in instead of Eric in the good person’s alliance. Amber, a simple question. Who in this house counts as a good person? I mean, I love Jen, but even she isn’t a good person. And you certainly aren’t, you anti-Semitic abortion-faking lying drug addict (supposedly former, according to online sources current). Did that come across as hateful? It should.

It’s time to check in with our bunnies and the other hamsters. Julie asks Jameka what it was like to be in the room. I hope for the now commonplace jazz hands and awkward response, but Jameka just says it was tense. Jameka says she also regrets sitting out of the next 5 HOHs. Jen still stands by giving up 250 grand. Dustin gets an audience question, asking about why he wears the same goddamn shirt every day. They all laugh a lot and Dustin says the word consistency a lot. “Rebellious Rocker” Dick now gets his own little clip package with LA rock people patting Dick on the back for being an utter douchebag. They claim he’s loyal and a sweetheart. Come on BB, if you’re going to edit this guy to be a cool guy, at least make it subtle. This just makes me hate you guys a little bit more. Without questions regarding Nick to ask, Julie brings up the forgotten subplot of family reconciliation. Danielle says that things are getting better but it’s gonna take a long time. But enough questions about Danielle, time for more Dick! She doesn’t like that he says things and people take things out on her. Lastly, Danielle admits that she’s not sure that Eric cast the votes but she still wants him out.

It’s Kail’s turn for a video package, which starts with Danielle slamming her as a liar, and then we get to see Kail’s family. Kail’s husband is proud of her and understands the relationship between Kail and Dick. Oh, and apparently Kail is DOWNPLAYING her religious stuff. She’s downplaying it? I wouldn’t want to be near her when she’s not. The video package is fairly uninteresting. Kail pleads her case first and says she doesn’t take the game for granted. Eric gets tearful and thanks the house for being so cool. Was the America’s choice option the whole house? Because it certainly seems that way. Dick is up first and votes to evict Eric, but he can’t do it without hurling some more insults. Jen evicts Eric. Jessica evicts Kail. Making it one to two. Zach evicts Eric. Jameka evicts Kail. Dustin evicts Kail, making it a 3-way tie with Amber as the deciding vote. Amber evicts Kail, thus evicting Kail. Amber’s daughter, you can breathe easy. Julie, after a technical glitch pauses then tells Kail that she’s gone, meaning that one of the more tolerable (recently) people is leaving and making the house even less tolerable to watch. Jen seems pissed, but Kail seems happy to be out of there. I would be too. Dick immediately tries to get Dustin to admit that he lied to him (which he did) and deflects the blame. Dick believes him, and thus we will get another week of him yelling at Jen. Kail thinks that winning the first HOH screwed her and that Dick truly is a douche. Dick says that she should be here, but if not good riddance. Dustin discusses her views on homosexuality, Jen hopes to go shopping with her, Jameka blames the Mrs. Robinson alliance, and Danielle basically says good riddance as well. Nice family the Donatos are. Can we put Amber, Dick, and Danielle in a fight to the death, with the winner being evicted and the losers, well, what they’re participating in should give you a clue?

It’s time for the HOH competition which involves what evicted houseguests have said in the Diary room. It involves head to head matchups. Dustin and Eric are the first two chosen by Danielle. Eric gets the first one right and makes Dick and Zach face off. Zach answers wrong and Dick picks Eric and Jess face one another. Jessica figures out that Kail is a multi business owner, eliminating Eric and pitting Jen and Dick. Dick eliminates himself and makes Jess and Amber face-off. Amber eliminates herself, making Jess and Jen the final two competitors. Jess, before the question is finished correctly pegs it as belonging to enemy Carol and secures the HOH win for her and her team. Jess, Eric, Jameka, and Dustin celebrate raucously and Dick looks dejected and I gloat and gloat. Immediately, we’re putting Eric back to work, and we get to tell Eric who to get nominated. Lets not screw over Eric America, so vote Dick. Julie segues back into the house where apparently Dick is blaming Jameka for something, and she is keeping her cool. Dustin was apparently yelled at too, because Dick is attacking others as well. But he’s back for Jameka, and before anything gets interesting and they can’t edit Dick to look good, they cut away and we have to wait until the positive editing job on Sunday makes Dick look good and Jameka look bad. Tune in!