On The Lot 8/7. Could Garry Marshall Be Sane and/or Lucid?

Adrianna is still here tonight, which is the most fascinating part of the show considering she’s so bad, and she immediately jumps into last week’s results. No one feels totally safe this week, which is apt because everyone kinda sucked last week. Adrianna shows up wearing something that looks like it was ripped from an 80 year old Floridian’s window. The bottom two vote getters were Sam and Zach. Our eliminated filmmaker is surprisingly Zach, which is interesting because a few weeks ago I would have said that betting on Zach for the win would be easy money. I guess this opens the door for a Will Bigham win. Zach gives a tearful goodbye and walks off into the poorly lit backlot. Will apparently is thinking the exact same thing I was, and saying that he has to step up his game now. Adrianna introduces our remaining directors, but I’m too distracted by the now clear fact that Adrianna is not wearing a bra. I know this, because two of her friends are poking out. We’re introduced to our regular judges, Carrie and Garry, aka Dumb and Dumber (You can pick which one is which) and special judge F. Gary Gray, who rocketed Chris Tucker to comedy superstar. Question: When did Chris Tucker become a comedy superstar? And if he did, didn’t it come with “Rush Hour”, not “Friday”? Tonight is the America’s logline challenge, where everyone has to make a movie about a guy in a dress waking up and not realizing why he’s in a dress. Sounds like hilarity will ensue.

Will is up first, and he’s doing a business comedy take on the logline. He wants his film to feel like a Coen Bros. film, and he’s now apparently including dialogue, which worries me because he does do a lot better with silent films. His film is cute, but not particularly entertaining. It’s true that it has a lot of dialogue, but a lot of his film is predictable. There are a few good jokes still in there though, especially when the secretary realizes she’s wearing the same outfit as the boss. Carrie thinks there’s a lot of dialogue. Great observation Carrie! She liked it, especially because there was a non-feminized man in a dress, her favorite type. F. (or is it Gary) thinks the film was strong, but there may have been too much music. Garry tells us that he’s himself. Good to know Garry. I’d hate to think of imposters running around pretending to be Garry Marshall. Will makes a joke about wearing a dress. It’s as obvious as his movie’s punchline.

It’s that time of the episode where Adrianna sucks up to the guest director, asking for any advice for the directors. He tells them to be passionate about their work. Sam is up next, and his film also has an office setting. I personally think this is one of Sam’s best movies from a film standpoint. He’s clearly trying to riff on “Saw” and I like his twist on the “Saw” concept, even if it is reminiscent of a movie like “9 to 5”. It’s also really well shot and lit. My only quibble would be that the very end doesn’t really make sense to me. Did cross-dressing turn him gay? Is that what Sam’s trying to say? Because if that’s the case, I’ve got a bunch more problems with the film. Carrie also thinks it’s derivate of “9 to 5” and “Saw” and that he didn’t make it original enough to be an homage. F. thinks it’s tonally two different movies and he didn’t reconcile them well enough. Garry says, “What do I know?” I wonder the same thing Garry. I don’t give credit though. Garry, surprisingly enough makes the most interesting comments on Sam’s film. I’m just too lazy to make Garry seem sane.

We get to meet the creator of tonight’s idiotic logline, and we get to see why everyone really wants to win. I’m guessing because they wanna make movies. That may be going out on a limb, but I’m confident in my guess. Adrianna asks the remaining directors some questions, because apparently there is time to kill. Will tries to keep his mind of the prize and on making movies. Sam dreamed he would make the final four. Jason picks Adam as his biggest competitor, before backtracking and saying everyone. Adam deserves the prize because he works hard. Were these questions supposed to make me dislike the directors even more? Because that was the effect. Adrianna pimps V-Cast’s tie in with On The Lot. I wonder whether V-Cast executives are cringing every time they’re associated with this trainwreck. I would be.

Adam is up next with his movie about a soldier who wakes up in a dress in a strange house. It’s his most complicated film yet. I’m utterly confused by this until the last 30 seconds, when I suddenly realize that it’s an inventive movie with a pretty cool concept. That being said, until the last 30 seconds, this definitely falls into “Wack Alley Cab” territory (Kenny’s first week movie that was truly incomprehensible and abysmal). Once those 30 seconds hit though, it’s great, especially the end punchline. Carrie calls it innovative, freaky, and fantastic. Carrie then repeats those words, and basically calls it a movie for stoners. F. calls it brave and calls it Fellini-esque. He says though, that it sags a little in the middle. Garry calls it funnier than a 19th century Scandinavian drama. He also used the word “crotchsicle” I die a little inside.

Jason is up last, and considering he’s made fun of the mentally handicapped and Asians, I don’t expect his cross-dressing movie to be anything less than offensive. He says it fits into his “fun, crazy” style. He’s apparently changed his ending multiple times. Oh, and he now says in his video package that his biggest competition is Will. Well, it’s not as offensive as I expected, but it’s still not very good. It’s very basically shot and it doesn’t boast any real laughs. In fact, any of his larger intended laughs seem to come from gay jokes, which is a problem, because most gay-hysteria jokes died in the early 90s. Just ask “I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry.” Carrie says that he has a signature style, and that his films always have a nice spirit and humor, even though she doesn’t quite like his style. She calls it very good though. F. says he’s getting better, citing technical improvements, but says it was maybe a little too safe. I don’t quite catch Garry’s comments because about fifteen words into his criticism I realize that he’s actually making strong comments and critiques and my jaw dropped to the floor.

Carrie liked Adam’s the best. So did F. And Garry makes three, giving Adam the sweep.

My Rankings:
1) Sam- I thought his was well shot and executed.
2) Adam- He definitely gets points for his awesome ending, but its not great until the end.
3) Will- Cute but predictable. I’ve seen better from Will. Much better.
4) Jason- How is he still here? He’s a very basically technical director whose stories are never really great.