Avast Me Hearties! It Be Another Pirate Master Recap For 7/5

After another too-long recap of last weeks high-seas adventure, we see that everyone is starting to worry about the powerful male triumvirate in power, while Jay, still somehow playing everyone in this game, is very pleased that they have picked off all the strong guys except for Louie and Joe Don. Outside the captain’s quarters, everyone seems interested in the idea that 3 women in power could be an interesting situation. Unless it was Nessa, Jupiter, and Joy, I can’t see how this would be anymore interesting, seeing as how Laurel, Kendra, and Christa have the group excitement factor of a piece of soggy bread. At least Nessa, Jupiter, and Joy have created mildly interesting TV.

We come back with Joe Don, looking drunker than he ever did as captain, sees Azmyth (now sans British accent) as a terrible captain and hopes to get rid of him. Laurel is still pissed at Azmyth, calling him a superfreak in a blue coat. I wish the real Rick James were on the Picton Castle. This week’s treasure was hidden by the boatswain, who knew the real Picton Castle’s crew better than anyone else. Joy really wants to win, and she ends up on the much stronger looking black crew. This week, they must start by swimming through “treacherous waters” where it’s a race to be slowest between Joy and Kendra. Then they have to carry a rope ladder up a mountain and look for an old boat. Joy lags on the mountain trek as well, which also gets complicated because she’s reading the map for them. The black crew reaches the boat and then they have to go find some masts and undo a tricky knot. Seriously Pirate Master, a tricky knot is the hardest thing you can throw at these people? The red crew catches up to them at the mast. Azmyth, however, seems to find the tricky knot, not so tricky after all.

After the commercial, they have too cross a bridge and decipher some clues that will lead them to the treasure. Christa is apparently, “a Barbie doll on steroids”. The black crew is ahead reaching the bridge, which is “sketchy”. Both crews very quickly decipher the clues, and the black crew wins again with captain Azmyth. The red crew is disheartened because they didn’t even make it to the treasure site before it was found, and they failed at knocking captain Azmyth out of power. Joe Don has now had four losses in a row, and feels up against a wall. Meanwhile, the black crew’s win of 40 grand makes the black crew feel a little bigger in their britches. Azmyth seems to be questioning his equal shares policy, 60% for the officers, 40% for the others, because they earned it. Laurel tells of her distrust to their faces. Joy raises and eyebrow. Azmyth and his officers have decided to blackmark Joe Don and the two weak links Kendra and Joy.

Joe Don and Nessa are flirting outside on deck when Joe Don suggests a little peck on the cheek, an idea that Nessa seems to like, even though they show more of this in the preview from last week than they do in the show this week. Azmyth has no worry about mutiny, which, in Reality TV speak means that they will mutiny. Joy didn’t make an offer on the pardon, which she obviously now regrets. Jay already starts going around telling people to vote Joy off. Jupiter breaks it down into either Kendra, who brings no spice (as the viewers plainly see) or Joy, whom everyone loves. Louie, in a really poor choice of words, realizes he has to break his word and vote against a girl, since Joe Don has become his biggest ally in the fight against the blacks. Poor word choice Louie. Poor, poor word choice.

Host Not Jeff Probst rings the bell and thus begins this weeks exciting edition of “Pirates Court.” Azmyth reveals that he nominated Kendra and Joy because they suck at challenges and Joe Don because he has too dangerous for Azmyth to deal with. Joy uses the same “I may be weak but I never give up and I’m doing the best I can do.” Because that excuse worked so well for Alexis, Joy. Kendra doesn’t think her suckiness has caused her teams to lose. Joe Don admits that he is a threat and has it in for Azmyth, and seemingly threatens him, and calls him the remaining pirates hope, because Louie and the girls are not that great of a threat for the boys trio. Over slightly ominous music, we find out that Joe Don had a massive $12,000 bid for the pardon and wins it. There are still no ballots for mutiny. Joe Don had no need for the pardon, and he received not a single vote. In a 3-2 split, Kendra is safe and weak link Joy is cut adrift. Joy is pleased with what she put into the game.

Next week, Jay continues to manipulate everyone else in the game, Joe Don and Nessa get even friskier, and Louie and Joe Don are forced to do everyone’s week.