On The Lot 8/14. The Finale Part One, aka Clip Show

Adrianna immediately reminds us that we’re down to three marginally talented directors tonight, and that this is the first part of the finale. As she stands there I notice that she has one really awkward hand. It just kind of hangs there. It draws the attention. Adrianna trips over her lines and takes us to the clearly staged directors sitting on the couch discussing about who’s nervous. No surprise, everyone is! Because no one is talented enough to know that they have a spot in the finale. Adrianna tells us that it was the biggest public vote yet, meaning that more than 10 votes were cast. Wow On The Lot! Instead of cutting someone, she tells them who made it. The first director in is Will, to mild audience applause. The second director in is Adam to still mild applause. The final director in is Jason, to much louder applause, meaning Sam is cut. Sam calls the experience invaluable. Tonight the directors are not making new movies. Why the hell are we watching this then? If there’s no new content, I’m really at a loss to recap. So this is gonna be a short one readers. All three are in what I truly hope is not their best, especially because Jason seems like a he was dressed by the main character of his first movie. Our village idiots, ahem, “judges” are still around, and Carrie is sporting Garry’s head on a popsicle stick. I’m not sure to be happy or horrified about this. It’s a combination of both.

Ooh, but we still have to wait, because it’s time for pointless video packages about the directors and their “journeys”. Remember when Jason made the movie about the retarded guy who went to hell? Remember when Adam made that mildly funny dance movie? Remember when Will made the movie about mutilating surgical patients? Well, if you didn’t, know you do. Adrianna asks them questions, and Jason uses this opportunity to cry and try to get sympathy votes. Will comments about how he finally used dialogue. Adam likes that they liked his last movie. I mean, I know that On The Lot is a crappy show, but can we get better questions than these generic ones?

Jason is up first. The first movie he picked is his movie from horror week, about the buxom mom whose dead kid saves her from getting stabbed. I guess this was one of Jason’s better works, but that’s not saying all that much. It’s mildly proficiently shot, but it wasn’t remotely scary. The second movie he chose was “Sweet” which is about the guy who forgets his anniversary. It’s mildly entertaining, and mildly well done. See, I’m using the word “mildly” a lot because Jason is a mildly talented director. Mildly on the side of not, that is. Garry thinks that the ancient Greeks made films. Oh, Garry… He asks Jason why he wants to be a director. Jason plays the Kentucky card, the tears card, and the no formal training card. Wow, he’s playing tough for some of the voting groups.

Will is second. The first movie he chose, after telling us he loves all his work, is “Glass Eye”, about the guy who sees through his glass eye when he covers his eye. It’s still a cute, wordless work from Will. These are his best types of films though. If he were going to do one of those though, I would have preferred the absolutely adorable and cute lamp one. His second movie is the guys in dresses one. It’s not as good as his no dialogue movies. It’s got a few good moments, but it’s not one of his best two works. Carrie loves his child-like spirit. Will wants to be a director because it feels right when he’s behind the camera, like all the pieces fit into place. Good answer Will. But then he goes for the sympathy vote as well, reiterating the family aspect of the show. I hate pandering.

Adam is last. The first movie he chose was his musical movie. It’s better than I remember it being actually. It’s fun, and the lyrics are pretty good. The second movie he’s showing is “Army Guy”, which was his surreal but pretty darn fantastic movie from last week. Rewatching it knowing the ending, it really is even better. Carrie calls him a complete original. Instead of asking him why he wants to be a director, they ask him what he would do if he won the competition. He, instead, answers the question that the other two got. Good job listening, Adam.

One last time, they ask Carrie and Garry whom they want to win. Carrie wants Will, Garry wants Jason. Frankly, I think Adam’s the most talented one there.