The Amazing Race 4/19- Fights! Mat Explosions! Calligraphy!

Previously on The Amazing Race, the teams did karaoke with trannies, and people generally acted like idiots. Mark and Michael got four hours worth of penalties, but were spared by a non-elimination leg. Will they be able to catch up? Does anyone care with the promised mat drama/Luke & Jen fight?

The teams start out from Bangkok and are heading out to Guliin, China and must find a hair salon. Margie and Luke are team number one, and Luke points out that being in a country where they don’t speak English makes it an even playing field. Margie says it’s eye-opening, to which Luke says good. I get what he’s saying, but I get a slight feeling of douche from this guy. Jamie and Cara are, of course, disgusted to be going to another country where people don’t suddenly know English when she screams at them too. Tammy has actually been to Guilin before, and they’re Chinese, so they have a leg up. Jen says that her competitive nature is starting to come out and if someone gets in front of her, she’s gonna knock them over. So clearly the show will be editing tonight’s events tonight in Luke’s favor. Kisha and Jen actually jump ahead of the others, because the first three teams (M+L, J+C, T+V) are all on a delayed flight. The delayed teams get there shortly after though, it seems. Mark and Mike are nowhere to be seen. Tammy and Victor are very happy to be in a country where they speak the language. We then cut to Luke saying that he wishes he could go to a country where everyone was deaf. So, yup, definitely being edited so we sympathize with Luke.

Jamie and Cara get to the salon first, and are directed to go to a bridge. Tammy and Victor are right behind. Mark and Mike finally land in Guilin. Kisha and Jen have seemingly gotten very lost, and are wandering around getting passed by everyone’s cabs. Margie and Luke and Kisha and Jen make it to the salon and are flummoxed that they can’t find the clue box that is, at one point literally, touching them its so close. Luke and Jen see the clue box at the same time and rush to the box, where Luke clearly elbows Jen, to which Jen responds by calling Luke a bitch. We see Margie tell Luke not to push, then tells him about Jen calling him a bitch which riles him up. As we go to commercial, Travelocity salutes Luke and Margie for powering through the dentures task last week. Yeah, this editing isn’t one sided and seemingly wrong so far.

Side Note: I kind of love the Spongebob Burger King ad. The line about a square butt being from phonebook implants is great.

We come back and have traveled back in time, because the fight just occurred again. According to Luke, you’re not allowed to call a deaf person a bitch. Why, I have no idea. I would think it is actually the opposite, because it allows the frustration to be vented without actually having to engage the other party. But whatever. Tammy and Victor make it to the bridge first, and it’s a roadblock, where they have to Fish, old-school Guilin style. What that means is teaching cormorants to retrieve fish. Which is awesome. The tasks this season have been great. Jamie and Cara are there next, and are, of course, repulsed by foreign culture. Mark and Mike are lost. Yeah, they really stand a chance this leg. Margie and Luke and Kisha and Jen make it to the bridge the same time. This time, it’s unclear who instigates it, but Jen and Luke collide, maybe trip one another, and push each other away, culminating in Jen being pushed into the clue box. It still seems like Luke was more active in the physicality. Margie yells at Jen that it’s uncool. Whatever. This is significantly less drama than I was expecting. It seems like the handlers are treating the birds roughly, which isn’t cool. Mark and Mike finally find the hair salon. Possibly by accident. Their speedbump involves shampooing two women. No, seriously. That’s their special task. To quote Rock of Love, LAME. A bird bites Luke, which to me clearly shows that karma is on Jen’s side here. Which is only furthered by the fact that they charge through the roadblock, beating everyone. Jamie and Cara are right on their tail. The teams now need to make their way to Ancient South Gate. Jen also subscribes to my karma theory about Luke’s bird bite. Jamie and Cara are happy with their taxi driver. I would call this a miracle, but its more tied into the fact that she may be understanding some of their English. Luke and Margie finish, but Tammy and Victor’s birds are being disobedient, so they’re still stuck there. Mark and Mike finally finish their speedbump, and are on their way to the fish task. Tammy and Victor finish before Mark and Mike get there though and manage to pass Margie and Luke getting back to shore. Karma’s totally screwing over Margie and Luke. Good. Margie is now talking to Luke and denying that he pushed Jen first, which she basically acknowledged earlier in the episode. Good memory Margie. Jen promises to laugh in his face later. I fully support her.

Jen and Kisha get to the gate first. It’s a detour: choreography or calligraphy. So, learning a dance (which has been oh-so-comical in recent races) or copying four different calligraphic statements which spell out directions. Kisha and Jen head towards writing, Jamie and Cara get there and head towards dancing. Margie and Luke head towards calligraphy, and, lo and behold, the show reminds us that Luke is deaf again. No, really? I forgot that Luke can’t hear. Wait, guys, can Luke hear things? Honestly, I know that he must face a set of challenges that I can’t even fathom, but the show is pushing it and he pushed Jen. So I’m rooting for the sisters. Tammy and Victor head towards calligraphy too. Mark and Mike finally start fishing. Oh, and Jamie and Cara aren’t quite frat boys level bad at dancing, but are certainly far worse than they should be, considering they were/are dancers/cheerleaders. Tammy and Victor decide to work with Kisha and Jen. Jamie and Cara dance and hit other dancers. This is just a physical episode, ain’t it? Oh, and Jamie and Cara fail at the dance, and are mad at people for laughing at their failure. Would it be ok if they laughed in English girls? The whole pack is now working together at calligraphy, but you can feel the hatred simmering below the surface. Tammy and Victor are telling jokes in Chinese, which is both awesome and the jokes are actually funny. Mark and Mike finally finish the fish, but there is no way they catch up. Unless Jamie and Cara are really that bad. I mean, they are having another freakout over no one speaking English to them as we go into the commercial.

Jamie and Cara decide to switch tasks, which, lets face it, is still not gonna give Mark and Mike a chance. But then decide to switch back. I wonder if the lack of English in calligraphy scared them off because they can’t yell at ink to switch languages. Although they likely would have tried. The calligraphy teams all finish their task together, and have to make their way on foot to Banyan Lake and find the pit stop. All three teams footrace to the mat, with Kisha and Jen first, Tammy and Victor second, and Luke and Margie three. Margie tells Luke not to say anything, but Kisha and Jen bring it up. Luke walks away, Phil calls him back, and shit blows up. Margie accuses Kisha of laughing at Luke’s signing (which she may have done, I can’t tell), then yells at them because they should be able to fathom what Luke deals with because they’re black, and it just gets crazy. Props to Tammy and Victor for being awkwardly in between those two and to Phil for mediating as best as possible. Jamie and Cara then come in fourth. Mark and Mike apparently chose to do choreography, and the show politely shows us some footage of them making fools of themselves. They are team number five, and are thus eliminated from the race. They had a good time, did some good things. It made them better people. Whatever, I never liked them, lets just move on to the preview for next week.

Next time on The Amazing Race, the teams get exceptionally painful foot massages, and a swimming pool foils Jen to the point where she declares she wants to go home.